you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries"[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm pretty sure she's blocked me, but me and her have had several long arguments where she denies that these people exist and accuses me of hating all bi people for bringing it up.

This is what I had in mind when I asked her, and I think she has fundamentally misjudged me and where my concern is coming from. I gathered she was very touchy about that and I know from that that she does not believe that there is a significant subset of bisexual people who call themselves gay or lesbian while knowing they are attracted to both sexes. I quite frankly do not understand the denial because there is abundant evidence that this is the case, many people openly admit to it, and we benefit from being able to recognize and respect differences and understand that words have consistent meanings when we use them and from our words being based on a common baseline understanding. By not recognizing this problem, the result is simultaneous bisexual and homosexual erasure here. So I think we all have a stake in this, especially because I would like there to be an actual community -- a social community and a community of understanding -- of lesbians, bisexuals, and gay men, and separately between lesbians and bisexual women, and separately for each of our individual groups. And I think we all need to be able to recognize and call out the bad actors/transgressors within and from our own communities or at least not jump on others who do, because we understand the nuanced issues at stake.

(Also, you, I'm still planning on replying to your message, it's just hard to type it all out)

No rush on that. Seriously.

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's inexplicable. I think it's just a case of being overly defensive with little understanding of gay issues. Especially with that reaction to your suggestion of bi in denial (which I agree with); you were in no way claiming that bisexuality should be some "ugly, dirty secret", but it doesn't erase the fact that some bisexual and even homosexual people can be in denial for various reasons. Also, some bi and homosexual people may actually feel that their sexuality is an "ugly, dirty secret", but that's something we should work towards fixing, not project onto others and then get offended. I wholeheartedly agree with your point on words needing meaning and being defined collectively.

I think we all need to be able to recognize and call out the bad actors/transgressors within and from our own communities or at least not jump on others who do, because we understand the nuanced issues at stake.

Exactly. Bisexuals do that less than other groups, which is causing bis-in-denial to wreak havoc on everyone's understanding of sexual orientation. I just think that because most bi people can blend into another group, they just feel they don't have a dog in that race, but yet they still feel personally attacked when the fact that these people are bi is mentioned.