LifestyleDoes anyone else here worry about this?

submitted by helloolleh from self.LGBDropTheT

Do any of you ever worry that maybe religious people are right about homosexuality being wrong? I'm an 18 year old lesbian, and I have never felt any small amount of attraction to a man, but I have been very strongly attracted to women since I was 11. My family thinks that being gay is like a disease, and even though I don't personally believe in god or any religion, sometimes I worry that my family members are right about it being a mental illness. One particular family member likes going on about "the gay lifestyle" being an addiction that "leads to depression, death, and disease." I recently saw this video of these people who were apparently "former LGBTQers" talking about how being saved by Jesus made them straight, and they had all apparently been completely gay beforehand but are now married with kids living the correct life that god intended. Especially with how insane the LGBT stuff is right now with all the trans stuff, and the fact that so many people seem to be genuinely convinced that you can change your sex and that a man in a wig is literally a woman, I don't even know what's real anymore. What if the only reason I think I'm a lesbian is because I'm mentally ill. What if it's because of psychological abuse I endured in childhood. What if my brain convinced me I'm a lesbian because I don't want to be some man's property. I've never been with other lesbians and I don't now anything about what life looks like for most lesbians, but my family makes it sound like it's a culture of anonymous sex, doing drugs, etc. Sorry if this type of post isn't allowed, but I don't know where else to post it.

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[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 34 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 0 fun35 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think your post shows more the damage the TQ+ activism has actually done + the existing conservative values. I've recently seen a post on Tumblr, which says gender and sexuality is a spectrum and CAN CHANGE THROUGH SOMEONE'S LIFETIME. It was reblogged by a very pro-LGBT person and I really wonder how they didn't notice this post basically agrees with what homophobes have been saying - that your sexuality is fluid and change. It fuels the idea it's a choice and it isn't set. I was angry when I saw it. I am not surprised you start thinking this if you see such messages. LGBT groups are captured by the straights, who shape the meaning of gender and sexual orientation so they can easily join and flaunt their LGBT status. I find it just gross and it's actually damaging to the LGB people but I also wanna add I think this is even damaging to people like me. The asexuality being a spectrum makes me think I am a freak in a space full of "asexuals", who love sex and easily fall in love with any stranger. I haven't thought I was weird before joining these "ace spaces". Now I feel even more of a freak than before.

But no, homosexuality isn't a mental illness. Even if it's an "anomaly" but there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. It harms no one and it doesn't harm you. What harms you is homophobia and the TQ+ screeching about genital preferences.

[–][deleted] 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just gonna add my thoughts on the ex gay thing. Don't fall for it. John Paulk was a big star in that movement, but he ended up apologizing for his role in it and divorcing his wife. The guy was still gay all that time.

Ex gays are not a thing. They're either bisexual with a preference for the same sex, or just pretending they're attracted to whoever they married.

[–]KingDickThe2nd 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Homosexuality doesn't deny reality. It does deny social expectations, but I still can't see how it is a mental illness.

People once (less than 100 years ago) considered being left handed as deviant, wrong and an offence to God. People who are left-handed aren't mentally ill or wrong, they are not denying reality.

There are some weird hedonistic and socially damaging behaviour in the "LGBT community". That is not a reflection on homosexuality its self, but rather on the modern Western subculture that has developed over the last 200 years and not everyone who is LGB is part of this subculture.

I think you are trying mentally dealing with conflicting values, being a lesbian and being a Christian at the same time.

I abandoned my religious faith when I was 14 because I felt like my religious values and sexuality were at odds and this was the only thing to stop the mental anguish. I had been unsuccessful in stopping myself from being gay for the previous two years, so abandoning my religious faith was the only answer.

I was lucky that my maternal grandfather became an atheist after serving in WW2 and became outspoken about it later in life when I was a young child.

But if I was a young person today, there is a good chance I wouldn't have had to give up my faith, as so many churches are changing their tune.

[–]Movellon 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It sounds like you're going through the process of coming to terms with yourself as you are, I used to worry about that stuff when I was coming out but I don't anymore.

I am who and what I am, and I feel at ease and at peace with that. You'll get there yourself, but the journey is yours.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

No. Your family is just ignorant about homosexuality. But guess what: I don’t blame them for thinking like this. The way the LGBTQ+ "community" has been behaving these last few years is disgusting. Degenerate pride marches (likely funded by the CIA), drag queen story hour, the hookup culture, the loneliness experienced by elderly members of the "community", middle- aged adults acting like teenagers whenever you express an opinion they don’t agree with, all this transgender stuff... of course people who are ignorant are going to see gay, lesbian and bisexual people as victims of mental illness or a threat to society. But the reality is, not all homosexuals and bisexuals are like that. Most of us just want to be left alone. Most of us just want a monogamous relationship with a member of the same sex. Most of us just want to get on with their lives.

And regarding these "ex-gay" people who are now in opposite sex relationships, there are three possible explanations for why they are ex-gay. The first reason is that they are bisexual, they thought they were gay until they fell in love with a member of the opposite sex, and their attraction towards other people disappeared because their spouse is the only person that matters to them. Most cultures are under the assumption that bisexuals don’t exist, so these people never consider that they are bisexual. Or they think that being gay means being attracted to the same sex, regardless if you have attraction to the opposite sex or not. Or their society does not accept homosexuality, so they find it easier so say that they were gay but they’re straight now, as opposed to admitting that they like both sexes. Second possibility is that an ex-gay person was always straight, but was a victim of sexual abuse. Let’s say that a man was molested when he was a child by a man, and he told himself he was gay and enjoyed it because admitting that you were a victim of abuse is as difficult thing to do. Or maybe he was molested by a woman, he didn’t enjoy it because he wasn’t physically or psychologically prepared to have sex, and he was also traumatised by it because he was taken advantage of, and he convinced himself that the only reason he didn’t enjoy it was because he was gay because people called him gay for not enjoying the sex he had with this so-called hot lady. Then he falls in love with a woman, realises he likes women and doesn’t actually like men. But rather than admit he was a victim of rape or paedophilia, he tells himself that he genuinely was gay and now he’s straight. And the society around him is ignorant about homosexuality, so they validate him because they don’t know better, instead of suggesting he gets therapy for the trauma he’s had.

The final possibility is that this "ex-gay" person really is gay. He decides to marry a woman because he needs to survive. He lives in a country like Iran and he’d rather marry a woman than get killed or starve to death. And like it or not, most people marry for survival. A hundred years ago, even straight people didn’t get married for love, they just got married to have a family, to pass down inheritance and to survive. You didn’t become attached to your spouse until a few years into your marriage back then. The problem is, gay people in opposite sex marriages never become attached to their spouses, but if your community doesn’t understand homosexuality, they think you’d become attached eventually. But there is another tragic reason why a gay person might become ex gay. Let’s say a gay man has been raped by another man, and nobody supported him. Let’s say he worked in porn, where he got abused and mistreated, and it destroyed his perception of other gay men. Or let’s gay the gay community in his area is incredibly toxic, and he’s gaslit into believing that all other gay men are like this, and the straight community just does not understand his concerns. So he "becomes" straight so that homophobic community he was raised in will welcome him back in, or because being with a woman is easier for him than being alone (it’s not, but he still thinks that way). Sometimes, homosexuals pretend to be straight just because get money, like Milo Yiannopoulos, or formerly Philip Schofield. Also, some people can’t accept that they’re gay. Being gay does suck. But life in general is hard, even if you’re straight. Some homosexuals become ex-gay, learn that they are even more miserable than before, learn that not all other gay people are toxic, learn that they cannot please everybody and that they have to live for themselves, and so they stop pretending to be straight. That’s why "ex-ex-gay" people are exist. Maybe you should talk to these people.

There is nothing wrong with you.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Degenerate pride marches (likely funded by the CIA)

Ooh he said it! He said it and he's right!

But there is another tragic reason why a gay person might become ex gay. Let’s say a gay man has been raped by another man, and nobody supported him. Let’s say he worked in porn, where he got abused and mistreated, and it destroyed his perception of other gay men. Or let’s gay the gay community in his area is incredibly toxic, and he’s gaslit into believing that all other gay men are like this, and the straight community just does not understand his concerns. So he "becomes" straight so that homophobic community he was raised in will welcome him back in, or because being with a woman is easier for him than being alone (it’s not, but he still thinks that way).

There's a Catholic mission for ex-gays that was founded by people like this. A priest who came out as gay and was used by activists before being dumped and left homeless, a guy who was a meth addict, a detransed transwoman who blames the gay community (not agreeing! That's his deal.) When you hear Catholics talk about the gay community in the U.S. they always bring up prostitution and abandoning the elderly and AIDS patients. That's propaganda they get fed, but why are they being handed the ammunition?

middle- aged adults acting like teenagers whenever you express an opinion they don’t agree with

What drives me here. There is a cultish quality to the gay community in most places. You are PROPERTY.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And this is why being gay sucks. It’s not because being gay is inherently wrong, but it’s because you have homophobic straight people making you feel worthless, and then you have the cultish nature of the alphabet soup community that makes you feel worthless and also give ammunition to homophobic people. It’s almost as if both sides are being controlled by one group of people who just want to destroy society. It’s almost as if some psychological operation is going on.

I no longer want to please other people. Just live for yourself. That’s the only you can truly be happy.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Degenerate pride marches (likely funded by the CIA)

Can you explain why you believe this?

[–]GConly 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My family thinks that being gay is like a disease

You can manufacture lesbian animals in a lab by giving the fetuses extra testosterone.

It's not a mental illness. A quirk of your fetal development gave you sex atypical brain structures, so bits of your brain will have developed more like a man's, and you've got same sex attraction.

It's not a mental illness.

It's not a sin.

It's not a lifestyle

It's not a choice.

It's not a result of abuse.

It is how you are hardwired.

I don't now anything about what life looks like for most lesbians, but my family makes it sound like it's a culture of anonymous sex, doing drugs, etc

I'm guessing your family don't know any lesbians. I can't say I've known any lesbian have that active a social life.

[–]Bright_paintingLoad, lesbian biologist 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

As a young lesbian who struggled with these questions when around the time I came out, I can say that there is nothing wrong with you. Right now, you might not feel like it, but that is the truth and I can assure you of that. Furthermore, there are studies that shows that families who have a gay uncle/lesbian aunt have larger chace of surviving then the families that don't have it. If you are religious, you could see that fact as a sign that gay people is Gods way to make sure that we don't become to many, and a way to make a family focus to keep the children they already have alive, instead of getting many children in hope that some of them should survive. That was a fact that helped me when I was struggeling, so I really, really hope that it can help you too.

[–]BusterGrundle 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Being wrong is what religious people do best.

[–]grixit 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

no.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've never been with other lesbians and I don't now anything about what life looks like for most lesbians...

Ding! Ding! Ding! That's what's going on here. Lesbians are normal people the vast majority of the time. They work a job, have their hobbies, have their woman, have their lives. Media representations of gay people are awful and always have been. They say more about the preoccupations of their creators (straight men 90% of the time) than they do about us.

I grew up in an isolated rural area and it's harsh to say, but my life didn't get better until I moved to an actual city. It's not just closed minded people, I had gay friends in the town I grew up in, it's access to resources and other people and privacy. It's great to work with people who don't know your whole family and your entire dating history.

[–]SnowAssMan 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If you're not mentally ill, marrying a man might do the trick. You're lucky to be a lesbian. Being a heterosexual woman leads to depression, death & disease. Het women who are married with children are one of the most depressed demographics & their cheating spouses bring them diseases home. You're more likely to get murdered by an ex or current partner (if he is a het male) than anyone else.

Being a lesbian woman means you can escape depression death & disease.

[–]fijupanda 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

ah yes, Jesus the dude that never married, hanged out with 12 dudes, never had kids, treated women as equals even though back then they were worth half a man according to male laws, refused to stone anyone and was teaching people about acceptance, and forgiveness, and understanding. He would so be accepted today by so called religious peeps. PFFFT.

On a less sarcastic note, you are young so of course other people's especially family's opinions will get to you. But I do not really buy into the so called conversion therapy by Jesus or Shiva or Krishna or whoever or whatever religion.

Be a okay person and that is enough me thinks with any kind of god if you wish to follow a religion one day. If not, hey, I hear the Church of Satan opened and they are really funny. haha.

ah, good luck with accepting yourself as you are. good that you are researching and questioning stuff, but no need to dissect everything about yourself as if you are some sort of guinea pig, maybe one day later on in life you will meet more people and or lesbian women who will talk to you about their own experiences and journey through appreciating yourself even when it seems nobody else does.

it is not easy, but it is worth it in the end to be able to live with yourself and be integral with who you are on the inside and outside instead of playing a role to make others happy. even if it is our lord and savior baby Jesus. Damn, I love Jesus memes. They are hilarious.

[–]orangina5 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Gays and Lesbians are now far too busy pushing back every other letter and their chaos to have time to get to you, which is a massive problem. All of "gay science" has been hijacked but before, when it was almost only gays and lesbians, we were mostly focused in on the science. and it's so complicated. "trans" people tried hijacking it to use it for their own ends.

Most of the science of studying homosexuality focused on gay men because we're considered the biggest problem in a patriarchy. And i know the whole, "oh my gawd dont you ever think that! you're loved and vAaAaAaALid" garbage just makes you roll your eyes.

  1. when you put gay men into an MRI machine, the sexually dimorphic parts of their brain structure resemble that of a heterosexual woman's. Not sure what that means but im guessing you can infer lesbians have the same apply to them but in reverse. ("trans" straight men tried to hijack this to say "see! we are born in the wrong body!" but when they were put in the MRI machine, the results showed their brains are absolutely no different than that of a straight man). + and the behaviour for homosexuality exists throughout all of nature. "heterosexuality" is a word gay people made up anyways. there might be as little a group of heterosexuals as there are homosexuals and the overwhelming majority of people are bi and it shifts with culture (dont tell bisexuals this though..theyre annoying). In most ancient civilizations, bisexuals were the norm. what's your mom going to say about that? That gays and lesbians enslaved, dominated and beat the shit out of 90% of the population and institutionalized homosexual in every ritual you can think of in most of these damn cultures? Or that the overwhelming majority of the population was bisexual and even had gods with same sex attractions. whats your mom going to admit now? We kick ass and owned everyone in the ancient days and we're just that awesome? Or eat crow, shut up and begrudgingly admit "you didnt kick our asses in every ancient civilization...they were most likely majority bi"

  2. This will be insulting to you but it will help you out emotionally despite the insult: i can tell you're poor and of low socioeconomic status. Human beings have 6000 years worth of heritage and culture. Your mom and family are poor and have no real culture. So they just make it all up as they go along and it's very easy to internalize and dehumanize yourself with the incredibly cheap, false culture and beliefs you grew up with but it really sincerely is pure trash. Religious people erased a lot of history and tried to make their propaganda seem like it's a part of nature when it's not..and anything that they dont like, is not a part of nature. Thats why theyre always so "anti science". And then they tried to convince their enemies that theyre right. There have been gay emperors, lesbian warriors..the first woman into space was a lesbian, the guy who invented artificial intelligence and revolutionized the world and created the computer was a gay guy: alan turing. You should know this sort of stuff otherwise it's very easy to dehumanize you. look at how they convinced women that theyre dumber and inferior to men...by sabotaging them and making sure they become stupid lol

  3. A lot of the people who are genuinely gay/lesbian raping their bodies by having sex with people theyre not attracted to traumatize themselves and end up committing suicide. It's unnatural for us to be attracted to the opposite sex. Conversion therapy usually ends in suicide. I'm sure i can create a society where everyone pressures people into having sex with dogs and cows, otherwise their whole families will leave them and so will their cult (christianity is a cult)..just because you see a bunch of people pressured to fuck and get fucked by animals doesnt mean it's their sexuality.

  4. Half our gay/lesbian movies are about suicide, death, and the drama of self hatred from my generation because we were all brainwashed by evil sick people like your family. The problemm is we dont pass our experiences to you because gay people dont make their own kids...you come to us and experience your heritage through our culture...which is being massively fucked with. Im guessing all your movies and propaganda now are about really stupid things like how asexuals really belong in your community (they dont).

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You should know this sort of stuff otherwise it's very easy to dehumanize you. look at how they convinced women that theyre dumber and inferior to men...by sabotaging them and making sure they become stupid lol

Accurate gay history should be taught, you are so right. You have insinuated here that women are stupid. We are not the ones who think we are inferior, either.

So much for accurate history, though!

the overwhelming majority of people are bi and it shifts with culture (dont tell bisexuals this though..theyre annoying). In most ancient civilizations, bisexuals were the norm. what's your mom going to say about that? That gays and lesbians enslaved, dominated and beat the shit out of 90% of the population and institutionalized homosexual in every ritual you can think of in most of these damn cultures? Or that the overwhelming majority of the population was bisexual and even had gods with same sex attractions. whats your mom going to admit now? We kick ass and owned everyone in the ancient days and we're just that awesome? Or eat crow, shut up and begrudgingly admit "you didnt kick our asses in every ancient civilization...they were most likely majority bi"

By your own admission you are intentionally dehumanizing bisexuals here. Also libeling.

Gays and Lesbians are far too busy pushing back every other letter and their chaos to have time to get to you, which is a massive problem. All of "gay science" has been hijacked but before, when it was almost only gays and lesbians, we were mostly focused in on the science. and it's so complicated. "trans" people tried hijacking it to use it for their own ends.

You do no want gays and lesbians cooperating with each other and have been very blunt about that as recently as two days ago. It appears those comments may have been deleted, lol! Or u/nettygay5, u/grammaroo, or u/exponent2 may have made them. You have so many masks.

This will be insulting to you but it will help you out emotionally despite the insult: i can tell you're poor and of low socioeconomic status.

Nice segue into an insult. You failed to develop on this extremely crucial observation in any way.... makes me wonder why you made it.

Im guessing all your movies and propaganda now are about really stupid things like how asexuals really belong in your community (they dont).

You noticed an asexual up thread! Nice unnecessary swipe at him, direct enough that he'll know it's him but not direct enough for the mods to get involved.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Even if it's true that LGB people aren't really born that way, and sexual abuse/other experiences before puberty play a part, it's still a fact that sexuality is immutable and can't be changed, and there is nothing wrong with that. The fact is, most people are heterosexual because of reproduction of course, and some people are bi and others are homosexual. In nature, homosexual couples often adopt baby animals who lost their parents, so there is a natural benefit. In any case, there's more to life than breeding and children, despite what you may have been taught as a daughter to religious conservative parents.

"former LGBTQers" talking about how being saved by Jesus made them straight, and they had all apparently been completely gay beforehand but are now married with kids living the correct life that god intended

These people are likely bisexuals who preferred the same sex, but were also attracted to the opposite sex. There are also ex-ex-gays, people who went through conversion therapy, thought it worked, and realized it didn't. Conversion therapy does not work and there is nothing wrong, evil, or toxic about being in a healthy, loving relationship with a person of the same sex.

[–]distortedlindsLady Muse 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

see a therapist if you want to discover more. talk about it with them.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey there, welcome. We're glad you found us. My thoughts (briefly) about your concerns:

Religion does not confer knowledge or authority and in fact tends to do the opposite when it comes to things like this. It's completely irrelevant. Love is love. Just go with that. <3

I don't even know what's real anymore.

Yes you do, hon. You are a woman who loves women. It's the people around you and the TRAs who are wandering off into the weeds and making up extra stuff that has nothing to do with you or your sexuality. They shouldn't give a rip who you love and should just want you to be happy (and I'm very sorry, and here's a <BIG HUG>, if they don't—we do). It is none of their business and they are the ones with mental health issues if they think otherwise.

It sounds like a vacation from all of these distorted beliefs would do you some good when you can make it happen. That's too much pressure to think things about yourself in ways that simply aren't true or relevant or healthy.

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I recently saw this video of these people who were apparently "former LGBTQers" talking about how being saved by Jesus made them straight, and they had all apparently been completely gay beforehand but are now married with kids living the correct life that god intended.

Those sound like people from the "ex-gay" movement. They are free to deny that their same-sex attraction exists; but to pressure other people to deny those other people's same-sex attraction is manipulative and harmful. If someone else wants to live a lie, that's their decision, but they can't force ME to.

I don't even know what's real anymore. What if the only reason I think I'm a lesbian is because I'm mentally ill. What if it's because of psychological abuse I endured in childhood. What if my brain convinced me I'm a lesbian because I don't want to be some man's property. I've never been with other lesbians and I don't now anything about what life looks like for most lesbians

Hey, hey. 1. You're not alone, I've felt this way before and I think there are a bunch of other LGB people who have, too-- those of us who grew up in homophobic religious households, now facing the conservative homophobia from religious bigots and the liberal homophobia from ideological bigots in the transgender movement. 2. This post is definitely allowed. I'm glad you posted it and I wish people talked MORE about this issue. The homophobia found in gender identity ideology is liable to magnify the homophobia found in religions.

but my family makes it sound like it's a culture of anonymous sex, doing drugs, etc.

Yeah mine said that too, that claim is full of shit. Sure, some LGB people are into that, a lot of us aren't; just like any other demographic. I just saw this video that someone shared about "the quiet gays," maybe you would find it funny/relatable as I did: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFbhkJNWnhU

Oh, and finally, if you want proof:

What if it's because of psychological abuse I endured in childhood.

There are a bunch of LGB people who were never abused as children. Yet they are same sex attracted, anyway. And same sex attraction is a phenomenon found in many other species besides humans, completely unrelated to any abuse or trauma.