all 13 comments

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

If he's referring only to himself as queer then it's fine, he can call himself what he wants.

If he's referring to other people or same-sex relationships in general as queer then I don't like it. He can't reclaim slurs on behalf of other people, only for himself.

Same goes for any of the other insults that have been hurled at same-sex attracted people for years.

[–]powpowpowpow[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Thanks for the response! It makes sense, ig its the same for "slut". I personally would not be comfortable calling myself a slut even if it is to reclaim something but ig each to their one

[–]reluctant_commenter 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"Queer" is a slur and I'm generally against people using slurs. If someone wants to call themself "queer" then I mean, no one's stopping them, but if someone called me that then I would confront them about it. Same thing with "bitch", for example-- some women are just fine using "bitch" casually for themselves and their friends, I am not.

Just my two cents. Slurs like this are degrading in part because they don't just refer to a demographic, they refer to it in a negative and dehumanizing way. E.g. for "queer" it means weird/strange in a negative and other-ing way. And I am generally against dehumanizing language, I think the way we speak often sends implicit messages about our values-- even if we don't intend to spread those particular values.

edit: typo

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think anyone should use it. Even though one person might be comfortable using it, it doesn't mean everyone else is. Also most of the people who use it these days are people who never experienced it being used against them as a slur in the first place (i.e. younger people and special straights).

[–]KingDickThe2nd 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Is it ok for an African American person to describe themselves using the n-word?

Is it ok for an African American person to encourage other (white) people to use the n-word to describe African Americans?

Is it ok to ignore African American people who find the n-word offensive or to tell them that words change meaning and that they should get over themselves?

[–]Kai_Decadence 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's stupid in my opinion. I get that some gays/lesbians try to view it as "reclaiming the word" but it's just asinine and I think you're just better off calling yourself gay or Lesbian. That being said, I also agree with Sneeuweekhoorn where even though I think it's absolutely dumb to call yourself "queer", I think that if the person is just calling themselves that, it's fine. Just please for the love of all things, don't call the Gay community the "QUEER" community, it's just insulting because the community centers around same sex attraction.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have a lot of thoughts on the word 'queer'.

As others have mentioned, if a gay man or (perhaps to a lesser extent) a lesbian or bisexual person wants to call themselves 'queer' then be my guest, everyone should be free to define themselves in whatever way they wish. I would never use that word to refer to myself (or indeed anyone else) because it's still very much a slur in my eyes.

The problems with the word 'queer' are twofold, in my view.

1) The vagueness of the definition 2) The tendency for people who self-define as 'queer' to apply that label to others

First of all, there is no consensus about what 'queer' means, and it seems to me that its meaning is shifting to its Victorian-era meaning of 'strange or unusual'. If you wear clothes that are slightly unorthodox you can call yourself 'queer'. If you dye your hair an unusual colour you can call yourself 'queer'. If you're into BDSM you can yourself 'queer'. Basically, unless you're the most conformist, 'vanilla' individual out there, you can call yourself 'queer'.

A 'queer' label has become a form of social capital, in that it serves as a completely effortless way of distancing yourself from everything that is 'cis male heteropatriarchal' and 'privileged'. In a world where people of colour are held up as being somehow magical and monogamous relationships are 'colonial constructs' is it any wonder people want to distance themselves from their roots and identify into victimhood? This is where the trope of boring straight people in heterosexual relationships identifying as 'queer' comes from. It's 'not like the other girls' made into an identity.

The second problem arises when people who self-identify as 'queer' feel that they are free to use the term to refer to everyone else. Who 'everyone else' is can be complicated because there's no set definition of what makes someone 'queer', but it usually just serves as a proxy, super-woke term for 'LGB(TQIA2++...) [people / media / community / representation / etc.]'. Now on the whole I tend not to be particularly precious about how other people refer to me. I'm 'gay'. I'm 'LGB'. I'm 'LGBT'. I'm 'homosexual'. Whatever. As I mentioned, 'queer' is where I draw the line, however. As /u/TreeofThoughts mentions, it's on a similar level with words like 'faggot' and 'poofter' and I will always call out the use of the word in this kind of context, because I believe it's unacceptable.

In an ideal world nobody would use the word 'queer' apart from Victorian women who feel a fainting attack coming on.

[–]TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Considering that the guy that founded queer theory was a pedo who openly advocated for adult-minor relationships, I find anyone who uses the term queer to be questionable, tbh.

Anyway, in my personal experience, people who prefer "queer" over lesbian, gay, or bisexual tend to be insufferable shitheads. So if a person calls themselves queer I take that as a sign I should avoid them.

[–]fuck_reddit 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well it’s old definition is “weird” and it’s modern academic definition is “other” so i despise it.

[–]theytookourjerbsXX only. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean it's a horrible slur, but he/she has the right to say it. But, I think any self respecting gay man or lesbian woman would NEVER use the word q***r to refer to his/herself.