all 53 comments

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

This is the first I've ever heard of someone seeking "friendship" on a dating app that actually means it.

Don't attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity, she thinks she's being super casual and letting other women know what to expect. Maybe you gave her a heads up that it doesn't work like that.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

That's generally what straight girls are looking for on Her, though. It's always 'looking for friendship', which is code for 'I want a female friend who is sexually attracted to me but I never plan on reciprocating and instead love to bask in her admiration because I have low self esteem'. I'd never look for a straight man on a dating site for friendship, but I guess straight women are something else, huh?

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

PREACH, FUCKING PREACH. I swear, straight women can be very annoying and confusing. I have no patience left for these kind of things

[–]Tikiri 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

THIS!

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. I really don't think she is being malicious as she actually talked about it to know my opinion. But still, I don't know if I "convinced" her. Dear Lord.

[–]boypower 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

That's rough. I don't think your friend has any malicious intent, but I think it's good if you reminded her just how hard it is for lesbians to find matches (or respect for that matter) and how her supposedly innocent dating profile can honestly just strike a damn nerve and feel like she'd invading a space she has absolutely no right to be in. Though her sexuality is fluid remark, yeah nope, that deserves a smack in the head.

I have a lot of sympathy for lesbians having to navigate the jungle of spicy hets, trans-identified men and girls looking for threesomes, but I wouldn't say it's much easier for gay men. Trans-identified women, trans-identified men, women looking for gay bffs, women looking to gays wanting to experiment, closeted gays/bis with wives trying to get laid, bis and gays just looking for a fuck. It's not exactly a buffet in gay dating either, but you're probably right in that there are no spicy hetero men, but I'd say there are probably more '' men are only good for sex, women are for relationships '' type of men on gay dating and there are that kind of (bi) women who see lesbians only and exclusively as sexual partners. Though correct me if I'm wrong, I do like hearing about the lesbian dating scene and the different stereotypes and tropes, no matter how depressing it can get lol.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer. What you suggested me saying to her was what I tried to convey to her. If I conveyed it right? I don't know. Especially because I feel straight people literally have no clue what it's like to be gay and in a minority on a daily basis. It's very far from rainbows all the time.

From what you've described, the dating scene for gay men sound very identical to lesbians. I was speaking in particular about my country, where TRA ideology isn't still very strong here. In my country, there's 0 lesbian visibility and almost none lesbian places. However, there's several gay bars/places and there's much more gay men visibility overall. Maybe I shouldn't have generalized as I was speaking from my own background.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do like hearing about gays. In fact gaybros is more interesting to me than lesbian forums lol

[–]usehername 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Back when I used to use dating apps, this was really annoying. I'd match with a girl and check her profile. It'd say looking for:

Men - Relationship

Women - Friendship

This was the majority of the women. Huge waste of time. I wished there was an option to filter them out.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 7 fun10 insightful - 6 fun11 insightful - 7 fun -  (6 children)

One time it showed on my profile an account from USA who was like "I don't want short man dick" LMAO

[–]usehername 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Lmao that means you're clear!

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 13 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

I would never want to have anything to do with someone who talked about short men in such bitchy matter. Even if she were fine with short girls.

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I wonder, how tinder location works, since I get USA accounts often. Is that my problem, or it just tinder which is fucked up?

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think you can choose how large a radius you want. Like for example you can choose to only see profiles 50 miles away or less. It's been a few years since I used it, though.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, probably I need to fix my setting. I get too many USA or Uk accounts.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. Because of all this non stopping scrolling, I'm super desmotivated by dating apps, but it's basically the only viable option I have nowadays!

[–]hellonumpty 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've found straight women to be entirely clueless as to why this is annoying.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. My friend sounded somehow clueless, hence why I was so freaking annoyed and shocked at the same time.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If she wants to use an "all in one dating app" tell her to use Bumble, it has 3 different modes: Dating1, Best Friend Search2, and Business Networking3

She can still have a dating profile but make a separate profile for friendships with other women and for business too if she wanted.

What she's doing right now is not appropriate. Imagine if she matched with guy after guy who are like "LOL jk I'm only looking for friends, sucks for you". Pretty sure she wouldn't like that.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the tips!!!

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's not news. Tinder is full of straight girls searching for friends or just using it to promote their account. In fact, in my country, there is no trans issues, but there are many couples and straight girls, or bicurios girls or instagram girls, they're evn more annoying than man, because at least with men you know it immediately

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know it's not news. I was just surprised by how clueless my friend was and even asking me if it was okay!!??

[–]Tikiri 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Serious question: as a straight woman, I can only sympathize with the hell lesbians are in right now due to the invasion of their spaces by men (as most women’s spaces in general are being colonized by them too).

But, I’ve been thinking: you know how the Giggle app was founded for use by women only (theoretically, since I’ve read of MtF transpeople bragging about getting on there)? So, can’t a dating app be created only for lesbians? I know it will face a lot of condemnation for “transphobia” and all kinds of similar b.s., but ... it seems to me that a legitimate market for this exists? Let people condemn it all they want, but like other lesbian and/or LGB-only sites and organizations (AfterEllen, LGB Alliance, etc.), I think it would have a lot of support, as well. And there would finally be a place for lesbians to meet, without having to wade through a bunch of men and couples looking for threesomes.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Men invading lesbian spaces is in the USA or Uk. In others countries the hetero trans are not yet a common thing. But there is tons of hetero girls , bi women who want to experiment and couples. If you want sex is quite easy though. I was talking with a very nice bisexual who clearly just want fun the other day

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

HER used to be an app for lesbians (and bi women as well). It used to be okay. Now? It's full of ~queer~ bs. Lesbians currently aren't allowed to have spaces for ourselves. See what's happening here, online! No exclusively female lesbian spaces left on Reddit, it's so tiring!

Thank you for your empathy and answer.

[–]NeedMoreCoffee~=[,,_,,]=^_^= 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i think giggle now has dating aswel but im not really sure im not on the app

[–]julesburm1891 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the problem isn’t creating the app, it’s getting apple or google to host it in their respective app stores.

[–]Shales123 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Some women don't mean harm, they just don't think twice and don't realize how hard it is to be a lesbian nowadays. I once told my friend that it's actually pretty tough to be a lesbian in NYC, and she was shocked. This friendis asexual (not the attention seeking kind, she genuinely doesn't feel sexual attraction.) But she doesn't wanna be alone so she wishes she was a lesbian. When we were out in public she'd be like "omg we look like a couple." I calmly explained to her that she's not my girlfriend, and that she was crossing a boundary, and she accepted that and apologized. When she told me that she was on dating apps for friends and I told her that it makes it harder for lesbians to find each other, and she said "oh I never thought of that, thanks for telling me." A lot of times it comes down to people just not thinking twice, if they're not a shitty person they'll accept that their actions were a mistake and fix it. But it is frustrating for us

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience!!

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

While I agree the L dating scene is a complete disaster I would avoid making generalization about the G. Talk to any gay man and he’ll tell you Grindr and Tinder are full of straight women LARPing as men, straight women looking for bisexual men, or bicurious/heteroflexible men cheating on their wives and girlfriends. So the G doesn’t have it very good either.

To answer your question though, yes I’ve noticed this too. One particularly bonkers profile I came across was a straight woman typing in all caps “IM STRAIGHT, FRIENDSHIP WITH OTHER WOMEN ONLY, ABSOLUTELY NO DATES OR HOOKUPS!!!!” and I was like ma’am... this is Tinder. Wtf are you doing lol

[–]Shales123 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Sometime I wanna match with these annoying straight girls and message really forward sexual and romantic things in a deliberately creepy way. Then they'll delete their profiles and go crying to their boyfriends about "predatory lesbians" as if lesbians are the one invading their space and not the other way around

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

HAHAHAH this comment made my day. But you're right, totally right.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lmaaaaao exactly!!

[–]grammaroo 3 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 6 fun -  (16 children)

gay spaces are invaded by everyone, including lesbians. Just because gay people dont complain about it to you doesnt mean it doesnt happen. we just assume no one outside of our kind cares and we're right. I met my husband on grindr and all my friends on there too (all gay). Now bisexuals and heterosexuals have flooded it and ruined it. They fulfill their homophobic projections: "grindr is for sex! all gay men do is have sex! surely they dont mind since it's a worthless sex whore house!"...it was an electornic gaydar for gay people just to find each other. It's loaded with straight women, straight women who THINK theyre gay men, grindr is actively opening itself up to everyone. The overwhelming majority of people on LGBdroptheT are lesbians and bi women. Just because you pretend you're bigger victims doesnt mean you are, especially when gay people did all the work when it comes to building the community and every other letter, including the "L", who demanded to be first in the 500 letter acronym, appropriate the word "gay", aligned themselves with bisexual and "queer" women to colonize gay clubs and gay spaces and push their "im a woman card" to harass gay men. I've had bisexual women call me the f-slur on there when they messaged me and i told them im gay and to go away. these are the "allies" lesbians use to attack gay men with. so good luck with that.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 20 insightful - 5 fun20 insightful - 4 fun21 insightful - 5 fun -  (12 children)

Exponent, is this you?

[–]AugustiJade 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Nice catch! That's totally him.

[–]grammaroo 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (10 children)

how many people have called you out that you have these many critics?

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Who hurt you?

[–]NutterButterFlutterStill waving into the void[M] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Please don't feed trolls, it clogs up our ModQueue because everyone's reporting everyone else.

Both of you are breaking multiple sub rules by continuing these shenanigans, and both of you are breaking SaidIt rules by dragging down discussion on the Pyramid with this slap-fighting.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hmm, when I meet "straight" women on dating apps, they are usually bicurious at the very least... and often repressed lesbians. This might be an unpopular opinion but I actually don't mind people seeking platonic friends on dating apps, as long as they make their intentions super clear and don't deceive anyone. I've made some great friends online so I'm open minded.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Dating apps are total cesspools. Especially when very few are allowed to exist that host lesbians as the sole demographic. Iirc Grindr went off the deep end and started elevating trans colonists and faghags over the actual gay people on their app, too.

[–]Rosefield 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well I did the same a few years ago...and then I realized I was bisexual and the whole "friendship" thing was just me being in deep denial without even realizing it.