LifestyleI felt so alone around my straight friends

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from (self.LGBDropTheT)

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I don't have anywhere else to talk about this or people who might understand, so I'm giving this a shot.

Basically, this year I've started a new degree. A fresh new start on several levels. It's totally different from my previous degree, which makes it even more exciting. I was waiting so much for the moment I get to have a group of friends again. So, I've started meeting new people, getting close and hanging out with some... you know the normal... The pandemic has slode friendships down, but today I finally was able to hang out with them... I was so excited at first... Until I was actually there. With them. Talking and hanging with them.

I always felt lonely, even though I was literally with them. I felt like they didn't understand me or what I was feeling. They don't know I'm gay. I feel like its a very small part of me. I don't want to tell them, on one hand. On the other, the love topic came up several times and they cared about what I thought and wanted to know about me. They would notice I would get quiet at times... I mean I don't know what to say when the girls are talking about guys... And if I start talking about girls, they'll realise I'm gay, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. So it was honestly hard for me to feel like I fitted in.

I suddenly missed having gay friends, despite liking my current (straight) friends. Because I feel like gay people know exactly what I'm feeling in this context. The feeling of inadequacy I feel on a daily basis because the world is majorly heterosexual. The lying by omissoon, the coming out over and over again, and so on...

Sorry if this was too depressive, but I've never felt this lonely feeling before around friends. Does anyone have some advice or has felt the same at some point?

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[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's normal to feel like that. Especially when you're in a public space surrounded by hetero couples and you feel like the only homo on earth. It's part of being like 1 percent of the population. It will never go totally awau. Being homosexual is very abnormal experience.

[–]censorshipment 3 insightful - 10 fun3 insightful - 9 fun4 insightful - 10 fun -  (2 children)

Hearing my straight friends talks about men helps me to not develop sexual feelings for them lol I am so turned off by women who are into men, or into men more than they're into women if they're bi. I am a horny ass bish, and I can't be around lesbians without getting wet. 😂

[–]CuntWorshiperWomenholic full time | vagina fetishist part-time 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ha! So you need help not to develop sexual feelings for males? lmfao I knew it. Too male obsessed 😂

[–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 8 fun2 insightful - 7 fun3 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

I'm over here cackling. I feel nothing but repulsion for men. My coochie recoiled at this silly claim.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I always felt lonely, even though I was literally with them. I felt like they didn't understand me or what I was feeling. They don't know I'm gay. I feel like its a very small part of me. I don't want to tell them, on one hand. On the other, the love topic came up several times and they cared about what I thought and wanted to know about me. They would notice I would get quiet at times... I mean I don't know what to say when the girls are talking about guys... And if I start talking about girls, they'll realise I'm gay, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. So it was honestly hard for me to feel like I fitted in.

I 100% relate to this. I thought maybe I was making a big deal out of it over nothing. I'm sorry you also have been feeling like this but I'm kind of glad I have someone to relate to, lol.

The lying by omissoon, the coming out over and over again, and so on...

Yup, same.

Does anyone have some advice or has felt the same at some point?

Like I said, definitely feel the same, even right now with my coworkers. Hmm... honestly, I'm not sure I have any good advice to give you, but I'd also love to hear. Probably one of the only ways I've been able to successfully talk about my sexual orientation with a straight friend, and feel okay about doing so, is to express frustration about politics, and the fact that a) I avoid talking about "LGBTQ+" issues because some "LGBTQ+" people are really aggressive about it, and b) I hate that (in the US) the Democratic party treats LGB people in a token way, e.g. "oh you're gay, so you HAVE to vote liberal! If you don't then you're self-hating" like I have opinions on topics besides just those affecting a demographic that I'm part of (I'm pretty liberal anyway, but it's damn condescending). My straight friends may have no clue what it is like to be homosexual/bisexual, but I've found that they can relate to those pretty well. Especially a) because it helps normalize anger at the alphabet soup people; if even someone who's LGB is sick of the LGBTQWTF++ then that says a lot.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You shouldn't tell people at your job your sexuality, that's your business. Friends is different. We live in a world which wants gays to scream to everyone their sexuality. Being discreet isn't a bad thing.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My working situation is a little unique. I'll end up spending a lot of time with these people. But I understand your point. There is an extra element to being cautious with coworkers.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you so much for your answer and advice. It's always great to know there's someone out there feeling exactly the same, hence this post! It was just so weird to me, because I was just so excited to hang out with them until I was actually with them and just wanted to leave because just felt out of place. Take care! Hope you're well. Oh, and I'll have your advices in mind, I'm going to wait until I build a little more trust and then I might try those!

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Of course, anytime :) I always appreciate when you make posts, it's very relatable stuff for me lol. Sometimes I hesitate to make similar posts because some people will comment "this is such a non-issue, stop worrying about it" and are in a very different place of life than I am... in some cases that is a reasonable answer but often it just comes off as dismissive.

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, I relate. I don't have advice either, my classmates are all straight dudes and the one time they asked me about my love life I said "I don't wanna talk about it" and now they never mention it anymore lol

The extent of their knowledge is: I'm not looking for a guy to date, and that has been enough for them. I've noticed a difference with new female friends I make, when they ask about my love life I'm never that blunt, so if I say I don't want to date a guy, they ask why, and why, and why. I've noticed I shy away from friendships with straight women if I'm not brave enough to tell them I'm a lesbian. With straight dudes I have way fewer qualms because I don't care what they think of me, so I can get very blunt and easily shut down any conversation I don't want to have lol

Actually, it's taught me that people won't automatically hate me for being a bit rude sometimes 😂 I should try shutting down those conversations if I don't want to have them with women too, but auuuughh, I'm so neurotic about women liking me, I don't want to make them feel bad :(

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your answer. Yes, I totally get you. Women want to know everything lmao. Men are just more "practical" I guess in general. If you don't talk about it, they won't ask either. Whereas women? It's exactly as you said. They will ask. And they'll want an explanation lmao. I honestly don't know when am I going to tell in particular my female (straight) friends. They clearly think I'm straight and that I care about men's attention in that way just like them and I just feel so alienated lmao. I hope you find friends, male or female, who will accept and love you just as you are. Cheers.