LifestyleHow do you define yourself as a person?

submitted by QueenOfTheNorthSuperLesbian from self.LGBDropTheT

I see so many woke LGB youths (and mostly TQ) people defining themselves by their sexuality and gender, which is incredibly dull as much as it is regressive. It seems like many have a very weak sense of identity as a result of personality disorders which is why they need constant outside validation - their self almost doesn't exist in a social vacuum.

So how do you guys define yourself both privately and publicly? How big of a part of your identity is your sexuality?

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[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Usually by interests/hobbies. Stuff that I actually do.

Describing personality traits seems pretty pointless to me. No one is going to be up front about their personality traits anyway, they'll just say generic positive stuff and it comes off as bragging. It just doesn't say a whole lot about people since everyone has a different idea of what certain traits mean. Someone saying they help out at a homeless shelter on weekends says a lot more about them as a person than if they just said they were nice or caring for example.

Sexuality can be important to bring up sometimes. I didn't used to do it, but after a few friendship ruining confessions from men it seemed like the best policy was to just put it out there early on in friendships and if they're stupid enough to try anything it wasn't a worthwhile friendship anyway.

Gender identity is pointless to describe yourself based on it since it's self-identified and anything that's self-identified is meaningless.

[–]censorshipment 12 insightful - 12 fun12 insightful - 11 fun13 insightful - 12 fun -  (6 children)

Mostly by my race, sexuality and personality types (a Gemini, INTJ-A with borderline personality disorder 😜). I'm known for being "militant" or "extremist" and getting shunned by my own groups (black women, lgb people, and mentally ill people).

Online... I absolutely must let everyone know that I'm black, because for so goddamn long people have falsely assumed I'm a corny ass white dude who is trying to be "edgy" (an edgelord is what I've been called 🙄). But I'm the complete opposite of what people think I am, and it pisses me off that people read what I say and really think I'm a right-wing nutcase. 😡 two assholes on Reddit said I'm a Republican because I spew celibacy / sexual abstinence rhetoric... but I'm "heterophobic" and hate that men fuck women. Basically, I want men to be sexually deprived incels... but women want dick. 🤢

Also, my beliefs really aren't even far-fetched... I've listened to women, such as the Delany sisters, who didn't want to be wives nor mothers because those roles are detrimental to women. The sisters lived for 104 and 109 years.

https://youtu.be/4KXrRm32pLs

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 14 insightful - 9 fun14 insightful - 8 fun15 insightful - 9 fun -  (5 children)

I'm almost chocked on my lasagna by reading this. Thanks for the laughs. Your comments are the most funny lol

[–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (4 children)

Mmm lasagna. You and me are proof that two people can staunchly disagree and still share a space. You're a racist European, and I'm a racist American... yet here we are *sniggering together. I would've replied sooner but I'm back on the app and don't see notifications. 😋

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/snigger

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

But I0m not racist lol. I never thought much about race. Oh well, we share the being mentally ill too. But VioletRemi always tells me the best people are crazy lol

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's a song~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQtftST1tGw

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I know, babe

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

https://i.redd.it/2n84av33rmr61.jpg

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I would probably describe myself as sardonic.

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

By my values, first and foremost. I value honesty above almost anything else, and I believe that all life has value. (That's what led me to start reading more about the transgender movement and what eventually led me here: TRAs saying "go kill yourselves" and "you deserve to die" to anyone who disagrees with them. That behavior goes directly against what I believe.)

Besides that... probably by my interests (what I like to do) and my personality traits (consistent patterns about how I think and act). I like to learn, I like organizing information, I'm generally very curious; my close friends and other people I've met IRL often describe me as diplomatic and thoughtful. Sometimes I wish I were a little less diplomatic, and less evasive about stating my opinions... but honestly, commenting and posting on this sub has helped me with that, I think, which is really surprising to me.

I don't know why but I had a surprisingly hard time responding to this prompt, lol. Great discussion topic! How do you define yourself?

edit: Forgot to answer the second part. My sexual orientation is not a part of my "identity" in the same way that my hair color is not a part of my "identity". I think it's a neutral characteristic about me, one that I didn't choose and that I'm stuck with; what I do include in my "identity" is the honesty that I have about my sexual orientation and my opinions about it. It might seem like a trivial distinction but I think it makes a world of difference.

[–]Preachy_Jerk 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I believe that all life has value

Hmmm, I seem to recall that Biden's involvement in wars that killed a million people; made millions homeless; and left entire cities poisoned forever with depleted uranium wasn't exactly a deal-breaker for you.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I seem to recall that Biden's involvement in wars that killed a million people; made millions homeless; and left entire cities poisoned forever with depleted uranium wasn't exactly a deal-breaker for you.

Who brought up Biden...? I strongly dislike Biden, but I didn't mention that in my comment.

edit: Didn't notice the username at first. You seem to have little interest in engaging in good faith, so I think I'll pass, thanks.

[–]Beryl 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

The least most patient person alive.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Extremely rational and reflective, introverted to extreme level, neurotic anxiety sufferer since I was a kid,fucking hopeless romantic and sexually passionate, destined to have people card me thinking I'm a teen for how long I don't know. My sexuality doesn't define me at all. It's like has never been a big part of me. I like pussy, and I wished I could like dick too, but I can't. That's it lol

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I never bring it up unless it's relevant which is... Almost never.

[–]chazzstrong 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm American, white, male, and middle-aged. Anything else you learn as you get to know me. My sexuality, my religion, my politics...none of that defines who I am on the surface ( or at least it shouldn't ), and don't factor at-all into who I am as a person. It DOES factor into who I do or do not hang out with, I'd never pursue a friendship or any kind of relationship with any post-modern gender / race absolutist, but that's for the benefit of the both of us.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Similar.

Probably the most defining aspect to my outer social circle is my profession. To the people closest to me, my politics and religion. Sexual orientation doesn't enter much into it except that I am married to a man (although for some people I guess that's all they might see).

But definitions are ultimately empty. We are all more than what defines us socially.

[–]ImNOTRobertPaulson 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To answer both questions at once: it depends. How I define myself and project myself to the world is situational and circumstantial.

At work, I define myself through my work ethic, dependability, and willingness to help coworkers.

When I play video games or hang with my gamer friends, I define myself through which games I play and accomplishments I've made.

With my sports friends, I define myself by the teams I root for.

The list goes on. I'm far more than a list of labels to be defined by.

[–]julesburm1891 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’ve never seen any use in defining myself by immutable characteristics. I didn’t choose to be a lesbian, American, white, or any other intrinsic fact about myself. Those things are part of me and I understand that they impact how I navigate the world. But, they don’t define me.

When I was a kid, I was a massive Harry Potter fan. I still think back to being eight and reading The Chamber of Secrets under the sheets with a flashlight in the middle of the night. Dumbledore’s line, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are far more than our abilities” has always stuck with me. It may be cheesy, but I think that’s a far better metric with which to measure ourselves.

I choose to be a hard-worker. I choose to be polite, conscientious, and trustworthy. I choose to be a good partner, family-member, and friend. I choose to never stop learning or be complacent. In short, I define myself by the things I choose and remind myself that I must choose to be good things.

[–]milknciggiesLGBToxic 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is a tough one. I have a personality disorder which I struggle with every day and affects my life significantly. I am open to discuss my mental issues with people and participate in mental health spaces. However, I would HATE to be one of those people who put their long list of mental ailments, pronouns, diet preferences and whatnot as if it was all that there is to them as a person.
As a bisexual, I feel more privileged than gays or lesbians as I feel I haven't experienced many inconvieniences in my life due to my sexuality, other than the occasional biphobia from straight people as well as within the LGBT community and perhaps a few comments from randoms when I've been out with some of my gilfriends in public.
I'm not obsessed with my sexuality, but I went through a whole process to discover myself and I try to be more out and proud these days as I feel bisexual erasure is still prevalent. You see, I was born into a very progressive family so it was never expected of me to be heterosexual or fit into gender roles (which is how I'd like to raise my children) so I never thought about my sexuality that much. I only knew I liked girls very early on in life and it was a normal thing for me. When I became a teenager and got access to the internet I started worrying myself about having a label. Before that point, I had crushes and semi sexual experiences with both boys and girls and for some reason I thought bisexuality wasn't an option? So I came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian, and I was attracted to some boys due to societal pressure or whatever. So I came to my family as lesbian and identified as such for a couple of years.
It was a very confusing time, because I shut down my feelings towards boys instead of following my heart. I guess it was because I always felt a lot sexual attraction to women by default then romantic attraction, and with guys it's the opposite. I feel the romantic attraction first and then experience sexual arousal. I guess what the kids these days would call being demisexual or whatever.
Anyway, I'm more aware of my identity these days because I spent a big chunk of my life being confused and feeling like I was lying to myself when I was with the same or the opposite sex and I bet it's what a lot of bis go through as well.
I rambled a little bit so I apologise. Like I said I have a personality disorder and it makes it difficult to me to know who I am most of the time, I even have trouble feeling like a real person sometimes. I think what's most relevant in my life are my core beliefs and values. I'm an atheist, I am politically centre-left, I believe in creating strong family (even chosen family) and friend relationships. Caring for your people. Embracing one's culture while respecting others. Being open to learn and better yourself. As for interests, I don't think they define your personality although it leads you to find people akin to you which I think could be a positive thing.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is how I want to be seen, which are generally the standards I measure myself against but don’t quite measure up to. There is how I tend to come most of the time or in day to day life. And there is who I am when I’m coming across as my actual personal best.

I don’t like describing myself. I don’t like telling people how they should see me. That seems like a way for everyone to be dissatisfied and disappointed. I just hope I leave a net positive impact. If I absolutely have to describe myself, I would say analytical but empathetic.

Most people who meet me and interact with me don’t know I’m a lesbian, so I don’t think it’s a major part of how I am viewed. I do not go around announcing myself as gay anywhere, other than holding hands/being affectionate/going on dates with women in public. The fact that I am homosexual is relevant in how I am currently experiencing the world and politics because I’m silently screaming and dealing with a lot of invisible pain I feel like I can’t talk about with most people and I’m afraid people assume I’m part of the madness and reluctant to talk to me about it. And if there is someone I can talk to about it, it’s like opening the floodgates, and it’s hard to talk about dispassionately.

[–]Bright_paintingLoad, lesbian biologist 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I noticed very early that I have a talent for making people happy. Since then, my goal in life has been to put a smile on as many peoples' faces as I can. It may sound naive and/or cringe, but I believe that kindness is contagious. I want to spread kindness in a world that often is less then kind. I have never told anyone about it (except for you right now), so this is my secret philosophy.

My interests, hobbies and passions is a part of me as a person as well. I love to paint, draw and sing as well as study chemistry, biology and physics. I have a thirst for knowledge and am naturally curious.

My sexual orientation isn't something that is an important part of me on it's own. But on the journey to accept it, I developed self respect and ability to be kind to myself; two qualities I desperly lacked. The fact that I like women and not men isn't a huge part of my person, but WITHOUT it I would still have been the self hating, insecure little girl that I was before.

[–]QueenOfTheNorthSuperLesbian[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is going to sound a little odd but I really hope I meet someone like you irl someday. You sound lovely!

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So how do you guys define yourself both privately and publicly?

As little as possible. The more labels we throw at ourselves for others' benefit the more we are reduced to being seen as just those things. I prefer to just live. People can see quite well who and what I am if they are paying attention to what is in front of them, rather than to their need to pigeonhole the people around them.

Sexuality is not relevant the vast majority of the time. Neither is my sex. Anyone who wants to make those things relevant in situations where they aren't is just doing me a favor by letting me see that. Those are the people I don't spend energy getting close to. I'd rather find out who is comfortable with just letting the people around them be; those are the people I want to be around. All this fussing about identity is silly, reductionist, and time-wasting. The assumption that we have to define ourselves is a crippling one. Just be a person. People who can't cope with that have their own issues. I don't babysit.

[–]usehername 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I never give up.

[–]Shales123 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I define myself by my achievements and goals