LifestyleWhen memes about iced coffee and cuffed jeans go too far, everyone loses

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[–]reluctant_commenter 14 insightful - 7 fun14 insightful - 6 fun15 insightful - 7 fun -  (2 children)

Completely agree. I know "LGBTQ+"-identified women IRL who are always like "Oh you want to know if she's gay?? Ask if she listens to Girl in Red?" like dude I don't listen to some random fucking artist who happens to write songs about women in relationships, I guess I'm a fake lesbian now. I've heard this artist get brought up so much I half wonder if my acquaintances are on her payroll or something.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend?[S] 13 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I'd never ever heard of the artist until I started exploring tiktok, and then I saw lesbians getting mad because "The Straights" were listening to her and that was Stealing Lesbian Culture. Like, maybe if you didn't depend on someone's taste in music to tell if they're a lesbian, you wouldn't feel the need to gatekeep.

[–]strawberrysun 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I had never even heard of this artist until a bunch of teens asked some straight actress if she "listened to Girl in Red" as a (cringeworthy) way to ask her if she was gay.

[–]censorshipment 13 insightful - 6 fun13 insightful - 5 fun14 insightful - 6 fun -  (3 children)

Fuck, well said. I'm black and typically cannot relate to white (older) lesbian culture. I've never listened to Melissa Etheridge nor k.d. lang. I've never read Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. I've never worn Birkenstocks (nor fanny packs). I don't have any tattoos (I actually hate tattoos lol). I didn't watch The L Word until after 2015 (I gifted the DVD boxset to my bi friend because the series really isn't rewatchable). Oh, and I've never seen Ellen's sitcom and therefore didn't see when she came out. Oh, and I've never watched Xena: Warror Princess. Lol

I always say I'm black first, a woman second, and then a gnc lesbian.

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend?[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Typically when I see people complaining about this it's aimed at the younger generations, but the idea that there's only one right way to be a lesbian (or gay or bi) affects everyone. Not centering your life and personality around your sexuality shouldn't be considered a bad thing.

(And I've never done any of those things either except watch Xena as a child when my dad had it on, but it wasn't any part of my Gay Awakening haha)

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah, lesbian culture full of stereotype always felt like bullshit. In the end, the only thing that makes gay and lesbians is being same sex attracted. But especially youth love stereotype about hair lenght, special type of dressing and slangs, and all the others shit which have nothing to do with homosexuality. Homosexuality has really never defined me and never will and never had problems accepting it. At worst, I just regret not to be bisexual

[–]barnarnasis this tv show my friend?[S] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

But especially youth love stereotype about hair lenght, special type of dressing and slangs, and all the others shit which have nothing to do with homosexuality.

It's almost treated like a quirky subculture.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The same as they made feminine and masculinity an identity. Like femmes trying to fit all the lesbian stereotype and styles, and butches doing the same with masculinity. The worst if when these type of peopel get together and ends up totally living according to hetero gender roles. Like good way of ruining homosexuality.

[–]strawberrysun 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I’ve always struggled with the concept of stereotypes. I’ve been getting “but you don’t look/act/seem like a lesbian” ever since I started coming out in 2009. I have long hair, I don’t like flannels, I love to cook and eat meat (I make a hell of a pot roast!), I am a political moderate, and I would never in a million years even consider Uhauling. I’m just… average, I guess? You couldn’t pick me or any of my past girlfriends out of a lineup with all my straight female friends.

There was a moment in the early 2010s when I thought we as a society were kind of moving past all that and everyone could just be how they wanted, but it has disappeared entirely. I’ve noticed a lot of the “[fashion choice] makes you gay” or whatever nonsense in the past 5 years or so, and I’ve started to become resentful of it.

My boy-crazy little sister fits more lesbian stereotypes than I do.

[–]milknciggiesLGBToxic 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Stereotypes are harmful

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Based.

[–]Juniperius 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A very long time ago, lesbians and gay men would use secret signals to find one another, because it was dangerous and illegal to be openly homosexual. Some of the stereotypes are left over from that time, and more importantly the practice of adopting or searching for the signals and codewords and so forth became part of gay/lesbian culture for that reason. For the last couple of decades it hasn't been as necessary- obviously homophobia has never been entirely eliminated, and there are still contexts where people might choose to stay in the closet, but at least you're not going to get arrested for it in most countries anymore.

Ironically it is now no longer safe to admit to being homosexual because of the hatred coming from the queer and trans side. We may soon have to come up with secret signals to find one another again, but this time it will be to differentiate ourselves from queers. It'll be interesting to see what that looks like if things keep going on as they have.