RantA couple of years ago a mother “violently misgendered” me in order to not let her daughter think for one second that lesbians exist and by now she would be hailed as progressive. A sort of long rant from a butch lesbian.

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[–]germinare 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I’m really sorry that happened to you. And you’re right to observe the tight connection between transing butches and homophobia. Transing is actually used as conversion therapy in Iran, and other highly homophobic places. But it’s snuck into our society inside the Trojan horse of “gender diversity”...

I think being openly GC in LGBT spaces right now is a very brave thing, and if you’ve got the spine for it, more fucking power to you.

But I also think the LGBT has no future. As long as we continue to let gender ideology into gay spaces, the homophobia and conversion therapy will continue. I think the only way forward for us is to eject genderism completely and move forward solely as people who are same-sex attracted. I’m throwing my time and effort behind the LGB Alliance, personally.

[–]howdidthishappen 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

But I also think the LGBT has no future.

Yeah I’m stuck in a loop regarding that. Constantly thinking about how I could theoretically “better” it and how it’s just hopeless after all. I watched four (!) gnc lesbians transition over the past years in this small space, including the one I was seriously holding out for, after kind of peaking ,to not make that decision and it just feels hopeless at times.

And I’m seriously thinking about LGBAlliance (they have their own org in my country by now), but I constantly feel like I’d loose so much by admitting that I agree and by supporting them. I would have seriously never guessed that I’d be in such a conundrum over my sexuality and be so pressured into stating what it is (and what it is explicitly not aka the inclusion of “girl- dick”) and be so shamed for it, more than a decade after coming out, while simultaneously feeling pressure to identify as a man.

Edit: sorry, some typos and adding something to the end passage

[–]germinare 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The way I see it is this: there’s a high risk you’ll lose things whether you support LGB Alliance, or whether you’re gender critical within the LGBT. Both are “cancelable” offenses.

But the LGB Alliance and similar movements have the potential to reclaim same-sex attracted rights, whereas the LGBT does not in my eyes — it is poisoned by transing to such an extent that there’s no saving it. Transing and gay rights cannot co-exist.

So if I’m gonna get canceled either way, I might as well do it for the cause that I think could potentially make things better, you know?

Anyway, that’s my thinking on it. But it’s fucking horrible that we’re being made to make these choices. It shouldn’t be controversial for you to exercise your sexual consent, or to just have a sexual orientation at all.

Never be ashamed of who you are. Your body does not exist as a means to an ends for men.

We’re in this together, in this terrible era of history, for whatever cold comfort that may be.

[–]dreamgermsbisexual nightmare 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I just feel like the “last butch standing” at times, particularly when it comes to my age group and it’s so isolating. And there’s no support anywhere. I sometimes even think about becoming a member of that LGBT group again, so that I could at least be an example of a lesbian who grew confidence in her masculinity to the younger lesbians - something I never had.

This breaks my fucking heart, man. I’m sorry you had to experience that absolute twit of a mother, and all this garbage from the trans community. I think they way they have attacked and eroded the lesbian community is the absolute worst. I find it infuriating beyond words when I hear people who a supposedly our allies and part of our community telling lesbians to “examine their preferences” and to accept dick. It’s nothing but repackaged homophobia full of straight male aggression. Lesbians deserve their own safe, exclusive spaces.

This idea that girls and women who fail to conform to rigid gender roles are men is so fucking regressive and it shocks me that any intelligent person can’t see that nonsense for what it is. I was a “tomboy” growing up and I get angry when I think about how trans activists and “woke” parents would have tried to convince me I was a boy. Same goes for the non-binary label. What ever happened to celebrating butch lesbians and women who rejected these misogynistic standards of beauty and behavior? When these women are labeled as “non-women” or men, our community of women becomes less and less diverse. Women are not defined by how we conform to femininity. Playing with dolls, wearing pink, having long hair, being submissive and quiet, NONE of that makes you a woman. Our biology does.

I worry so much for the younger generation of LGB youth. I’m SO glad there are women like you who are out there, proud of who you are, and showing young lesbians that there is nothing wrong with being butch or being gay! Butch lesbians will save us.

[–]howdidthishappen 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

our community of women becomes less and less diverse.

Yes! I feel this so much! It is sad how many I met in the community over the years where I thought that she’s really crushing those societal expectations with the way she acts or dresses only to realize that the person “identifies” as something other than a woman.

Thank you so much for the supporting words, sometimes one really needs that.

[–]grixit 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

The mother could just as easily have said "yes, sometimes girls kiss each other when they're friends". Of course, nowadays you have to say "no homo".

[–]howdidthishappen 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Haha yeah. Like she didn’t need to go into a long explanation, but god turning me into a man, because a kiss on the cheek is apparently enough already, was over the top

[–]fuckupaddamsBisexual Terve 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I sometimes even think about becoming a member of that LGBT group again, so that I could at least be an example of a lesbian who grew confidence in her masculinity to the younger lesbians - something I never had. What do you think about that idea?

I think that's a good idea. Simply your existence might save or help another young lesbian. Especially if you rejoin primarily with this goal in mind, and not with any huge expectation of getting your own support there.

[–]howdidthishappen 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Especially if you rejoin primarily with this goal in mined

I’m not expecting support rn, so yeah being confident on my own and rejoining might be the best course of action.