LifestyleSick of seeing GNC men wearing nail varnish and approaching them to find out they're NB

submitted by QueenOfTheNorthSuperLesbian from self.LGBDropTheT

Same with women with short coloured hair. I'm so sick of thinking wow great, here's a man breaking gender roles, or here's a woman breaking gender roles, only to find out they're reinforcing them instead and are insufferable and have pronouns I need to learn. Immediate friendship turn off. Now I only seek out "normal looking" friends within my age group because the rest of the time I'm almost always disappointed, I hate how people who are actually just GNC and not a gender special can't be themselves without being lumped in with these people

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[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 31 insightful - 2 fun31 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

And as a GNC guy with long hair and paints his nails...? I'm sick of being pushed into the "nonbinary" category. I swear, within the last couple of years there's been a sudden increase in people "theying" GNC people against their will. It never used to happen as bad, sure, maybe 5 years ago I'd get called a "they" out of a person not knowing, but then when I corrected them they'd switch to "he."

Now? It doesn't matter how many times I correct someone, I keep being called "they" and it often feels like a passive aggressive statement because they're telling me because of what I am (visibly androgynous, etc) I must be an "other." Other times it just seems like they don't pay attention enough to remember the 50 times I said I was a guy. Either way, it doesn't feel good.

Not to mention my medical condition (intersex) is also lumped in with "LGBTQIA" (Even though the LGBT is literally anti intersex in every way...) so people probably think I'm one of those annoying snowflakes just because of a genetic defect I can't control. Great.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe it's time to use their bullshit against them and wear a button that just says he / him on it and glare at them when they do this. I'm sorry you are sucked into having nonsense labels forced upon you because of all this crap.

As a kid I had really short hair and still looked more like my dad, so I got mistaken for a boy rather often. I'd still far rather have that happen to me than some idiot calling me "they." And usually they just asked me if I was "a boy or a girl," instead of assuming.

[–]censorshipment 12 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 8 fun -  (1 child)

I miss the word tomboy even though when I became a radfem I didn't like that term anymore (why are gnc, athletic, sporty girls called tomboys?).

https://www.etymonline.com/word/tomboy

1550s, "rude, boisterous boy," from Tom + boy; meaning "wild, romping girl, girl who acts like a spirited boy" is first recorded 1590s. It also could mean "strumpet, bold or immodest woman" (1570s). Compare tomrig "rude, wild girl." Related: Tomboyish.

Cringe!

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I miss the word tomboy even though when I became a radfem I didn't like that term anymore (why are gnc, athletic, sporty girls called tomboys?).

I agree, used to like the term now I don't care for it. Most times people throw me in that category and tell me "you're not like other girls" and that makes me cringe(especially when men think that's a compliment). Apart from that, some people use it synonymously for "lesbian (stereotype)". Which is .. why don't they just say lesbian instead of beating around the bush??? I get asked a lot if I have a girlfriend or get told "Huh, you're a tomboy...so you like girls?" Like what? For one I don't like "girls" I like women, two, that ain't none ya business, three...leave me alone.

I read this article before and found it interesting too:

Here’s Why I Won’t Call My Surfing, Skateboarding, Motorcycle-Riding Daughter A ‘Tomboy’

The whole conversation started because I don’t like the word “tomboy.”

“Mommy,” my daughter Emilia said to me one day some months ago, “I think that I’m a tomboy.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because I like a lot of things that boys like. I like basketball and motorcycles. I like surfing.” She thought about that for a minute. “I mean, girls like surfing too and lots of sports. And I like other things that girls like, like dolls. But mostly I like things that boys like. And Story (her best friend) is a boy. So. I think I’m a tomboy.”

“I wouldn’t call you a tomboy, sweetie. I think that you’re you. And you like a lot of different things, and they’re not just ‘boy things’ or ‘girl things,’ they’re things that you like.”

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I hate how people who are actually just GNC and not a gender special can't be themselves without being lumped in with these people

Pretty much yeah. I used to be extremely gender non-conforming and always mistaken for a boy. I sometimes would get called an "it" or the f-slur, with them thinking I'm a feminine male LOL I'm not, it's the reverse haha. Though... confusingly enough both men and women have approached me while looking like that so idk. Men could tell I was a women, and women...not...sure what they thought I was.

Had a girl (not woman around my age :x, a girl...) try to be sly and figure out my pronouns...She invited me to her university group called "spectrum". I didn't think much of it and she didn't tell me what it was lol. She just assumed I was...part of the TQ+...for being GNC. The first thing they asked was for everyone's names and pronouns so I left. She would always talk to me at work and flirt with me, but I wasn't interested.

Now...I conform more. Getting tired of getting shit on for dressing what's comfortable to me or looking how I like. I used to keep my hair extremely short, had muscle definition from working out...Now? Just tall and lanky, with long hair lol. I don't really dress fashionable anymore...I work from home. So sweats and tees... My family is ultra religious and used to give me crap about it...Now my in-laws are just as religious and annoying to deal with. So, I conform to hide and be left alone. It doesn't help that I'm introvert (NOT shy, introverted, aka, please leave me alone, I hate small talk and don't need you telling me what to do with my life).

I'm rambling a lot. Woops. Lol.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

As someone GNC who looks like an 'enby', same. I hate that what used to just be goth/emo/punk/alt is now a beacon for gender fuckery.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Isn't this shit sad? I've had this experience so very many times lately that I've become wary of what kind of person I'll find I'm dealing with when I see adornment choices like these. It's like a "let's go back to the 1950s" uniform of backwards, sexist, gender-role-slave cluelessness now. Just one more thing they've co-opted and done a good job of wrecking.

[–]Retardation_station 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think you're way too worried about other people's gender. Honestly, this is borderline TRA.

Steer clear of the gender nutjobs and connect with people because they're interesting, not because they present themselves how you like.

[–]QueenOfTheNorthSuperLesbian[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Out of a college with 4000+ students, you kind of have to make some quick decisions about who you want to approach and connect with. I tend to stay clear of men in general but as a lesbian I do feel safer around GNC men than macho men in my age group, I would never go up to your typical "lad" and try to be friends because there would be no similarities there. So if I want male friends I go for people who aren't intimidating. It's not gender based, and I have always befriended more nerdy boys and been great friends with them throughout my life. With women I think the way they dress and express themselves can be really interesting and cool, so I talk to people with a good fashion sense initially because it makes for an ice breaker about their clothes. Neither of these things used to be a problem and as someone who's pretty shit socially, both of these tactics work in finding people who I can relate to on some level. How am I supposed to psychically know who's interesting out of that many students? Only now, all of a sudden, the people who I used to try to be friends with are usually NB and I just find that exhausting. I feel like at that point they're drank the coolaid and there's no basis for connection.

[–]Uranian 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is no substantial distinction between NB and GNC other than that one lot believes in the magic gender fairy in their brains and the others are just normal people who have their own unique fashion and hair choices.

[–]sadbihours 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m in the art community so pretty much every GNC person is nonbinary now to the point where I just expect it. I hate it so much since it all based on stereotypes.