50 years after Stonewall we are now fighting bisexual people as well as heterosexuals for our right to same-sex attraction

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[–]reluctant_commenter 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

Straight women love to coo over gay men and be 'fag hags' but when it comes to bisexual men, they act like these men are covered in poo. Their two biggest complaints are "I could never be with a man who takes it up the ass" (and yet you drool over gay boys???) and "he will cheat on me with some guy, they always do!" (like a straight man can't cheat on you with some woman??)

Okay that is so strange. I have firsthand heard so many straight women be like "omg I love gay men" that I would think they'd be on board for bisexual men...

Maybe they have such an idealized view of gay men that they think gay men "don't take it up the ass" and only like, hold hands or some shit, lol.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I have spent years trying to psychoanalyze this because logically it makes no sense.

From what I can see, certain straight women see gay men as pets. Like these cute little things that love fashion and musicals and will go shopping with you - basically your Gay BFF. These men are safe because they would never rape you or perv on you, but... also... they're cute. They shave off all their body hair, they take care of themselves, they're pretty, they're feminine, they smell good, they wear make-up, they poop sparkly rainbows, and they are sooo sooo deliciously unattainable.

In these women's eyes, these gay men are pure and beautiful and magical. These women nurture these unrequited crushes on these BFFs (if they even get close enough to be BFFs, most of the time it's more like an uncomfortable acquaintance) and there is a "nice guy" quality to it. Like maybe, one day, if I hang around him enough, magically he will fall in love with me, throw me on the bed and have his way with me. Realistically they know this will never happen, but there is an irrational drive inside of them that makes them hope this anyway.

Meanwhile bisexual men are seen as easy to get, hold no challenge at all, and are dirty and promiscuous.

It's kind of like how MTFs obsess about lesbians. Something about knowing they will never get a lesbian turns them on. They don't get excited by bisexual women at all. The holy grail is the lesbian, us bi gals are chopped liver.

This is just me figuring this stuff out as an outsider looking in, so I don't how for sure if my opinions are correct. Straight women will deny deny deny that they have crushes on their gay male obsessions, but usually it's so obvious to everyone else around them, and so uncomfortable for the guy in question once he realizes what's happening. His female "best friend" is actually a female "nice guy."

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

ETA: I was about to make a similar comment about some straight women seeing gay men as their BFFs when I glanced down and saw yours. I agree.

The holy grail is the lesbian, us bi gals are chopped liver.

Pardon me for saying so, but I hope they continue to always see bisexual women as chopped liver. I am not in any way missing out by not being pursued by them. (And...I have been. So I am extra careful to not be out around them because twice now I've seen this bizarre logic pass over them in which "sleeps with women sometimes" = "will sleep with me of course." And I'm not talking about TRAs, either. And still, I feel like some sort of carnival ride that's selling tickets and they want to get on, when they realize I'm not straight.)

And my hands are full already helping our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers deal with this shit.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Haha yes! Team chopped liver forever! I'm so glad to be repulsive to trans people! It's just so amazing how psychological their fetish is. All it takes is one label between then being turned on by you and you being invisible to them.

But I'd like to hear your POV about the Gay BFF thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in an echo-chamber in my own head and it's good to compare notes with other people who've noticed the same things.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, I haven't observed it in the wild in some time but my impression was always that it was kind of a schoolgirl crush / groupie thing. In other words the women doing that aren't all that mature anyway. So they're reacting to certain traits of certain gay men as if they just made a new BFF, but also doing some cognitive dissonance by ignoring whatever the fact that he's a dude is stirring up in them. It seemed childish to me.

I mean there's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive but do remember they're a human being and don't be an ass. Same reason you should leave celebrities alone when you see them walking down the street. Don't intrude.

As for bisexual men being better lovers, I can only say: I've had three, and they are decidedly better lovers than straight men in my experience, statistically-insignificant though it might be. I would pick a bisexual man over a straight man any day, all other things being equal. Never occurred to me to see them as "tainted" any more than I would be, by sleeping with a man. I mean, let's not be hypocritical, here. (Straight women who think bisexual men are "tainted" don't see the hypocrisy, apparently.)

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Haha same! If I had to end up with a man, I would much prefer it to be a bisexual man. (And the same, with women.) It's sad that we bisexuals never had a culture where we had bi-only spaces where bi people dating other bi people was normalized.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would totally go for that. I sort of by-default ended up in a community that has a lot of bisexual people in it, and at least until woke TRA nonsense started to infiltrate (more among the straight people), and even though I haven't been interested in dating them for the most part (because gosh, we're just as selective as most other people, imagine), I've been much happier, because that whole topic is just out of the way. Nobody cares, nobody is uptight, nobody is fighting for some sort of turf. It's lovely. And the rest don't care that we're bisexual. So it's just like your hair color—no big deal. It's just more relaxed, in some unmistakable, fundamental way, as a social group.

And I agree about bisexual women. Bisexual people—and I feel like I've known enough (dozens at least, and I've known more L and G folks) to say something credible about this—all seem more relaxed. There's no better word. It's easier to be around them. Nobody's insecure or suspicious about anything. We can just be people. There's no maneuvering. Or judging people because of who they've slept with. It's not a topic anyone cares about. So yeah, I'd move to Bi Island in a hot second. As long as we're talking mature, healthy, sane, adult bisexual people like the ones I personally know.