LesbianWhat do all lesbians have in common?

submitted by RedditHatesLesbiansHomosexual Not Queer from (self.LGBDropTheT)

From a TQ perspective. It doesn't make sense to me what commonalities there are in their groupings for them to even be able to make lesbian spaces, or gay spaces. If woman = the circular logic of "anyone who identifies as a woman" and you can be a lesbian without being exclusively attracted to "women" then lesbian spaces are open to literally anyone ever, there's no criteria you can make without bring exclusive so the very idea of having lesbian spaces is laughable. Do homosexual females on subs like AL have anything at all in common with transwomen attracted to women and enbies? Nope

I was thinking about this as the main reason why there's such a cringey lesbian "culture" now centered around flannel, tops and bottoms. The only thing lesbians ever had in common was being female and exclusively same sex attracted but not only is that now allowed anymore a lesbian doesn't even have to fit one of those criteria anymore to qualify and spend time in lesbian spaces, so they have to make a bunch of bullshit up that has nothing to do with being a lesbian since it could apply to anyone.

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[–]reluctant_commenter 34 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 0 fun35 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I was thinking about this as the main reason why there's such a cringey lesbian "culture" now centered around flannel, tops and bottoms.

...so they have to make a bunch of bullshit up that has nothing to do with being a lesbian since it could apply to anyone.

Yup. That's exactly it.

Even if there were/are some stereotypical patterns or mannerisms that many lesbians (homosexual female people) have, those do not define the group. The group is defined by 2 characteristics: 1. being female 2. being homosexual. Anything else is superfluous and cannot be assumed.

"Top" and "bottom" are words relating to either 1) gay male sex or 2) kink communities and BDSM. Someone self-describing on the internet as top/bottom seems to be one of the most obvious tells that they are not lesbian... if they are, they likely have little sexual experience themselves and are simply parroting TRAs' homophobic depiction of "lesbian culture."

I asked a while back in this sub about it, and only a small minority of lesbians actually used the terms; and when they did, it was referring to giving/receiving preferences, not "who is the penetrating partner/who has the dick" as TRAs intend to say.

edit: https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/76xe/why_the_hell_do_some_transfocused_lesbian/

[–]RedditHatesLesbiansHomosexual Not Queer[S] 25 insightful - 7 fun25 insightful - 6 fun26 insightful - 7 fun -  (5 children)

Wow, that is so gross. The reason I mentioned tops and bottoms in the first place is actually because a girl I was talking to described herself as "a total bottom" to me recently and my interest dropped to minus numbers, lol. That makes it even worse.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

She meant pillow princess. She is passive and submissive.

[–]blackrainbow 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

They are a very small minority though

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Of submissive women? I don't know.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Well, it is possible she just meant in the BDSM way and is not necessarily a transwoman! But I feel the same way lol, that would be a major turnoff for me, too. Sorry to hear you had that experience!

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Basically she doesn't reciprocate lol.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Gonna go out on a limb and say it's the whole "clique" or "community" thing. (Same reason FTMs want to be "Gay" I suspect)

There's an unspoken rule that "LGBT" people are bound together and inherently connected, even this sub does it by claiming that all "LGB" are a community or posters will make generalizing comments about lesbians/gay men as if they were one unit. Nobody says "women who are lesbian" or "men who are homosexual", it's always "the lesbian community" or "the gay community." There's shit like "gay culture" (which doesn't extend outside of America and is not at all universal, but "activists" sure love to pretend it does) and other unspoken "rules" to being gay/lesbian.

So that's what they want. They want a "club." A "community" that ironically excludes a fuck ton of us non-Western homosexual people because I, for one, am not part of a hivemind or "culture." They can have that weird clique nonsense, because I sure as hell don't want it.

[–]RedditHatesLesbiansHomosexual Not Queer[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

This. I feel really uncomfortable being grouped into the LGBT or even LGB community solely because I'm a lesbian. I didn't ask to be gay, I just am, and I hate that I'm inherently part of some group solely by existing. I can't think of any other group that gets treated like this. Grouping all other minorities into fun little clubs is seen as regressive, but putting all homosexuals together and even assuming they have enough in common to want to be together is apparently just fine? I have absolutely nothing in common with a homosexual male even as far as homosexuality goes, you have a completely different relationship with attraction and male homosexuality is also seen much differently on a societal level. And the bullshit about LGBT being necessary because people "fought for our rights" makes me so mad. No American gay activist has ever given me ANY rights. Like America is the only country in the world

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. I didn't choose to be a homosexual male & it doesn't affect my personality, interests, or political views. Having different interests & views* also doesn't make me magically straight, contrary to popular belief.

I also feel like homosexuality is immensely different between men and women, so, it can be difficult for lesbians and gay men to understand eachother. Case in point, when I complain about my sexuality, I often have lesbian & bisexual women telling me "but I LOVE being homosexual, I don't have to deal with men and that's great! Why don't you like it?" which... kinda speaks for itself, haha.

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense. I like to hang out here with other people who are one of LGB even though the majority are not lesbian, because surely gay men, bisexual people and straight allies here will understand and even relate to experiences of homophobia far better than people in the TQ-dominated "LGBTQ+ community" can.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I can't think of any other group that gets treated like this. Grouping all other minorities into fun little clubs is seen as regressive, but putting all homosexuals together and even assuming they have enough in common to want to be together is apparently just fine?

This is also a gripe I hear about the phrase "people of color" or "POC." I know a lot of so called "people of color" who don't want to be called that because they cannot relate to the idea that all people who are not white are a unit with common interests that should be defined by their lack of whiteness. Yet "POC" is considered a politically correct term.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

POC also sounds so fucking dirty to say. I know it's bad but in my friend groups we openly make fun of the term by substituting random chides or insults for it, just because it sounds so goddamn aggressive and offensive yet supposedly is the new "correct" way to refer to the majority of the world's population.

It really isn't a term that has any place in polite conversation and I'm astounded that these people are determined to make it so. What happened to all the neutral and respectful terms we had to refer to various distinct ethnic demographics?

[–]winterwillow 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No by TQ logic there's no way to have spaces for lesbians (or gay men or bi people even) because they base attraction/identity on gender. Straight male one day, trans lesbian the next works fine for them.

On a positive note, sure the only thing lesbians have in common is being females only attracted to other females and that doesn't mean we all get along or share interests. But there's still value in lesbian/lgb spaces to me. I've been very fortunate to hang out/live with lgb people from all over the world and to have lesbian friend circles (though those were my ex's so not anymore lol) and there's some experiences we all share on different levels. There's something special with being around people that are just like you in a way, even if it's only cooking dinner together.

There's of course nothing wrong with my straight friends, but some things they don't understand. That's ok, they don't have to, there's things I don't get about straight life either, but it's nice for once to not always be' the gay one'.

There's something lost when ~queer~ spaces mostly seems to be about validating people's made up identities, not a space where people can just be themselves, no question whether they're 'valid' or belong. We all know (and all ~queer~ people know too) what a homo/bisexual person is.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

"Lesbian" has to have a meaning for these people, because it excludes straight women and bisexual women. Straight/bisexual women basically don't even exist in transbian-world. If a straight man marries a straight woman and surprises her later on and comes out as a transbian, the wife will invariably come out as a lesbian, not a bisexual.

I don't really have a point, it's cold and my brain is still half-asleep.

[–]blackrainbow 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

We are a fetish for them, a tool to feel validated and oppressed

[–]SnowAssMan 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For the self-identification cult everything is based on self-identification, so for them a lesbian "is anyone who identifies as a lesbian", unless a "trans-man" does or something – they'd probably rail against that, if only to have an excuse to call a woman a bigot again for not abiding by their ideology's rules.

I think Rose & Rosie on Youtube did a video on what lesbians have in common.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The only thing in common was pussy owner into pussy and still is

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, and this goes for basically all things that, according to queer theorists, we are trying to "gatekeep". Why segregate bathrooms and changing rooms at all if anyone can use them? Why even have walls? We might as well have it all out in the open. Why preserve the category of female sports if any man can participate in them? There's no point in separation if it's there's no meaningful exclusion.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, and this goes for basically all things that, according to queer theorists, we are trying to "gatekeep". Why segregate bathrooms and changing rooms at all if anyone can use them? Why even have walls? We might as well have it all out in the open. Why preserve the category of female sports if any man can participate in them? There's no point in separation if it's there's no meaningful exclusion.

That's the thing, though... they're simultaneously hellbent on achieving the Queer Theory Dream of a world without any boundaries-- where everything's just been thrown in a blender and they've hit "puree"-- AND maintaining the "women-only" designation, so as to validate men's all-important ladyfeelz. They wouldn't want "cis" men barging in there! Wonder how those otherwise preaching the necessity of tearing it all down justify THAT?

Maybe the only way for women/LGB people to rid ourselves of the TQ+ plague is to abandon what originally were OUR spaces, so nobody's left besides the genderspeshuls. Like, women's sports become 100% "transwomen". Not a single bona fide woman to be found. Women's restrooms? Wall-to-wall "girldick". And so on. Because, when being there no longer "validates" their stupid "gender identity", how long will they continue to stick around? Without us to fetishize, stalk, be parasites on? Which might reveal TWAW/TMAM for the sham it is: if the "transwomen" find being the only ones in "women's" spaces objectionable... then they aren't just the same as us, are they? Otherwise, nothing would have changed-- it's still all "women", right? According to their own ideology? So what are they complaining about? Unless that was just so much bullshit from the beginning...

[–]MatthewofHouseGraySuper straight ally :) 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I figured it was "vaginas" due to lesbians being biologically female.