ColonizationCasually appropriating another race...

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[–]chazzstrong 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

I TRY to be understanding and, at the least, non-judgmental of people's personal lives, but I have yet to see any upside to polyamory that doesn't feed into promiscuity and isn't blatantly self-destructive. I just do not understand polyamory.

[–]insta 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I just do not understand polyamory

Strangers can do whatever they want but I always shit talk poly relationships to my friends who are interested in them. They doesn't work. You can maybe pull it off for a while in your 20s but that's not sustainable. If you want to have sex with multiple people just have a 3sum or something, I don't know why people need to make it so complicated.

My friend was in a poly relationship for like 3 years and shocker, it went nowhere, my friend was the obvious 2nd woman (as the other woman of the man she was seeing was married to him) and all it did was waste her time.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I TRY to be understanding and, at the least, non-judgmental of people's personal lives, but I have yet to see any upside to polyamory that doesn't feed into promiscuity and isn't blatantly self-destructive. I just do not understand polyamory.

No experience with polyamory myself, but I've been wondering: could it have any intrinsic connection to being bisexual?

Yeah, I know that it's among the stereotypes about us. And based on even MORE stereotypes (that we're oversexed, and only satisfied if we "have both"). Which makes you reflexively want to deny it ("no, most bisexuals are monogamous! Just like everyone else! Quit treating us as though we're different than you guys!").

Getting into this (understandable) self-defensive mindset makes it easy to forget that... we actually ARE different. We experience two distinct types of attraction, which can be quite independent of each other, even to an apples-and-oranges degree. Which may find expression in "bi-cycling" (waxing and waning attraction to each sex), or "missing the other". Things that really have no gay/straight equivalent.

This isn't true for ALL bisexuals, of course; maybe not even for most. But it IS a characteristically bi phenomenon. When you're attracted to both sexes rather than just one... well, this is one of the forms that can potentially take.

Which makes me think that polyamory could have a different meaning for us, at least if we're among those who feel "pulled in both directions" on a continual/regular basis. Which certainly isn't to say that it's therefore gonna be workable, or non-abusive/exploitative, or otherwise viable; I mean, a relationship with ONE person is challenging enough! And its being all but obligatory in certain circles these days (if you're not "poly", you're a prude!) sure warrants suspicion. All too easy to get what you actually want, and what everyone says that you should want, mixed up. But even so... the idea still seems worth consideration.

What are your thoughts, fellow-bi-flag-flair-bearer? Am I possibly on to something... or do ya think that it's more like I'm ON something? :)

[–]chazzstrong 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Only speaking to my own experiences, I rarely have the energy to handle one person in a relationship, I can't even imagine trying to juggle two ( potentially ) opposite people. Forget bisexual, you would almost have to be bipolar.

I understand what you mean by 'bi-cycling', which btw is my new favorite phrase, but again speaking only of myself...I don't typically want apples when I'm enjoying oranges, you know? The way I look at my bisexuality is fairly simple, it just means I have more options than most. It doesn't mean I want both a girl AND a guy at the same time, though to those exploring and more promiscuous than I that would likely be a benefit, but that's more to my personal preference than any engrained limitation on my sexuality...I just a one-person kind of guy.

I'm by no-means an outgoing person, and I actually admit that I am rather prudish, but if my circle started ostracizing me for not being as adventurous in my sexuality as they are I'd probably find a new circle of friends. I don't live my life or fuck to someone else's agenda, and I'm also not usually super open about my sexuality. Not because I'm ashamed or 'closeted', I just don't think it's anyone's business really. I'm actually more open HERE, in forums like this, because it is a community rooted around our sexualities and attractions, but in the real world? It's just a factoid, like my favorite pizza toppings or how I like my scotch.

So basically, for me, I don't think any unique approach to a polyamorous relationship would necessarily be reliant upon one's sexuality, just one's preferences like anything else. And as I said, I wouldn't shit on someone for being in a poly relationship...but I also wouldn't hold my breath expecting their trifecta to last or be healthy.