all 21 comments

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

We are terrified of coming out. I will never come out here. (Muslim country.) Many people, especially educated ones and ones that aspire to be western have positive opinions about LGB people, but the government is very scary. They're not going to break down your door and arrest you for being LGB, but if you are unlucky, or they feel like you are promoting LGB lifestyle, especially to children, they will find some reason to make your life miserable/arrest you. Uneducated neighbors/relatives are also a problem. They will see you the same as a pedophile or prostitute or mentally ill.

It also has to do with the fact that sex-life is VERY PRIVATE here, so it's weird for anyone to be announcing it to relatives/neighbors in the first place. Like why are you advertising this? It's not information anyone wants to know about you. The fact that you want people to know marks you as a red flag. Same-sex cannot get married here, but same-sex tourists can come, so long as they aren't making out in public, (but men+women couple aren't allowed to do that with each other either so...)

[–]julesburm1891[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

So, you’re saying no one is public about sex-life stuff, so announcing you have sexual interests would be weird. Okay, I can rationalize that. (I had a good friend growing up who was Muslim and once told me that seeing kissing in a movie for her family was like sex scene for basic American families. So, the concept does make some sense.)

But, you’re also saying that that if someone didn’t “come out” and just started dating a member of the same sex, people would see them as pedophile/mentally ill and the police might harass them? That, I can’t rationalize and it makes me sad.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But, you’re also saying that that if someone didn’t “come out” and just started dating a member of the same sex, people would see them as pedophile/mentally ill and the police might harass them? That, I can’t rationalize and it makes me sad.

Oh no, that would be if they DID come out. If you announce you are LGBT it's like you are asking for trouble. It's like, HEY, PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I WANT SOME DRAMA! If they didn't come out and just started dating secretly, everyone would just do their best to assume that the person and their 'special friend' are just really close best friends. Like sometimes you will hear of some nice lady who lives with her friend in an apartment with a bunch of cats, and the poor dears, neither of them was able to find a husband, but it's alright, at least they have each other. But no one will assume they are a lesbian couple, but... they totally are, they just keep it secret.

It is kind of a "don't ask/don't tell" mentality, now that I think of it. People are very eager to assume you are straight, even if you are the most flaming drag queen, as long as you don't say you are LGB out loud.

[–]ThiccDropkickGay 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Pretty good. We have same sex marriage and although the genderspecial movement is beginning to seep in as expected, most people are relatively sane. I was able to be openly gay with my bf and it never caused a problem.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Your country sounds like a really lovely place!

[–]censorshipment 5 insightful - 8 fun5 insightful - 7 fun6 insightful - 8 fun -  (4 children)

The USA is vast... the LGB experience greatly varies by city/county/state. I've always preferred living among conservatives than liberals as a lesbian. I hate the sex-positive, sex-crazed lgb-friendly cities (such as Atlanta). I'd rather have homophobic neighbors who mind their business than to have lgb neighbors who don't mind their business. I also feel sexually safer among conservatives (gay/bi women)... I don't fear contracting STDs like I did when I lived in Atlanta. I got into an argument last night with my ex-girlfriend who lives in Miami... she's 42, bisexual and has had 50+ sexual partners and is proud. She called me a lame bitch because I've technically only had sex with a few women (I don't include all the women I've only fingered... rubbing a clit isn't full-blown sex, imo). My mom was a promiscuous bisexual too, and I didn't want to follow in her footsteps... so I'm sexually conservative (I hate monogamy but I'm not sexually promiscuous).

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

EWW. Bullet dodged. What kind of 42 year old is bragging about having sex? That's what insecure teenagers do. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. I wouldn't normally even comment about what other people do with their sex lives, it's none of my business, but it rubbed me the wrong way that she's trying to mock you for not having had as many partners.

Third wave feminism really did a number on some women. They think running around doing one-night-stands and mindlessly fucking strangers (and probably not even getting an orgasm, if it's with a man, let's be real) makes them somehow own their sexuality and be equal to men. You can tell she's one of those, because it is a source of pride for her.

[–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 7 fun2 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 7 fun -  (1 child)

It's weird because we had similar teenage years, except I only dated girls during high school. Her first "boyfriend" was 10+ years older than her when she was 13... she had a baby by him when she was 15. Instead of seeing him as a rapist, she sees him as a friend. She started dating women when she was 20 while she was in an abusive relationship with another older man. Her first serious relationship with a woman also has a 10+ year age gap. But once she hit 30, she went back to men and was in a 10 year relationship with a guy 11 years younger than her. And she thinks her relationship history is better than mine. The delusion. Yesterday, she was bragging about how she bought her 19-20 year old boyfriend underwear, socks, and deodorant because he didn't know what to buy for himself. She was 30-31 when she had his baby... so she was taking care of her boyfriend and their baby... and she's proud of that. Lmao

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm just shaking my head.

She wants to live in the fantasy-land where she has the fabulous cool-girl sex-life, instead of reality, where her love-life is a literal shit-storm. I guess it must be a coping mechanism. But seriously, imagine dating a 19 year old guy? They don't even know how to wipe their own asses at that age. She was his mommy-sex-maid, not his girlfriend.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Russian.

It's not as bad as people make it out to be. Most people don't care that much and the rumors about "gay killings" are unsourced lies, and probably propaganda to rile people up. Don't trust anything without direct evidence (and "this LGBT organization said so" is not evidence)

I'd rather move back to Russia than keep living in liberal Europe, it's horrible here.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Just out of curiosity, why is your current location the worst?

What is life like for homosexuals and bisexuals in Russia? One sees so many things about Russia on the news in America and I wonder what’s true, what has a grain of truth, and what’s outright lies.

Also, is it safe for my fiancée and I to travel to Russia after the pandemic? I don’t mean the question to be condescending. We both have a lot of interest in visiting and have genuinely wondered about how we’d be treated.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Zero rights and protections for being intersex, fucked in terms of healthcare, "woke" shit everywhere & homosexuality is seen as a haha funny joke, look at those entertaining gay clowns kind of thing, like I'm expected to perform. I know if anyone knew I was gay I will be harassed, just because it's not the "angry religious mob stoning me" fantasy everyone expects doesn't mean it won't be harassment. I already get looks for looking different and have people act surprised if I claim I'm straight, even though I'm single and make no hints to being homosexual whatsoever, because they are stereotyping assholes.

Yes I believe so. Remember Russia is big, and what annoys me is LGBT "activists" claiming all of Russia is the same as super religious rural territories, when most people don't give a shit. St. Petersburg and Moscow are likely to be fine in terms of safety for being gay, hell even Asian Russia where I lived was pretty safe.

As long as you don't plan to go on extremely sexual pride parades and all, but that goes without saying. The impression I get is that most "homophobic" Russian people don't actually hate homosexuality itself, they just hate the exhibitionism and attention seeking of Pride and the modern LGBT.

But if you just hold hands or mention it casually? Most won't care, I don't think. You might get the odd immature kid or older person who gets too fussy about it, but that goes for anywhere.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Won't answer because I'm American, but great question to ask :)

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In Italy is fine. No marriage (just union)or adoption nor artificial insemination, but most people aren't homophobic. There have been great improvement in people acceptance of homosexuality. We more conservative than others nation, which isn't so bad. I appreciate being conservative more now.Also, we care a lot about mother figure, which means the idea of two dads is still controversial. The idea of two moms is controversial too, but less, at least they're women and don't have to rent a woman womb to be dad.

[–]Lessom 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

We have equal rights but then again we are the land of Pinknews so there’s that.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am forever impressed by your nation’s ability to somehow be bonkers and also the most sane simultaneously. I say this as someone from a nation that’s approximately one meter behind y’all on at any given time.

[–]8bitgay 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Wall of text ahead.

Brazilian activists quickly try to copy what American activists say/do (not just on "LGBTQ+" issues). So the community quickly turned into a nocive space for LGB people. A sad thing is that old-school homophobia is still pretty much visible too. The same tv channel that airs woke tv shows nowadays also airs reruns of shows they made just a few years ago that are very homophobic. This was especially visible last year since they started airing more reruns to cover for the shows that had to halt production. Homophobia is certainly better than it was decades ago, but it isn't uncommon to experience homophobia if you walk through different spaces, be it the "casual" homophobic slurs or the most violent type like threatening and physical aggression.

People quickly started using terms like queer and LGBTQ+. Which are already problematic in USA, but are even more bizarre considering that the word queer simply didn't exist in Portuguese. If the identity is so valid, how come so many people only realized they were queer after an English term became popular like 5 years ago? If you're really queer, wouldn't it make more sense to create a Portuguese term to describe yourself long before that?

The first gay kiss on free-to-air TV only happened in 2014, after decades of gay activism, after decades of the topic being discussed in society. Meanwhile TQ+ characters and themes became present on TV far more fast, as the topic began to gain traction. It isn't uncommon to see cases of homophobia being called lgbtphobia - which is even sadder since only recently the media started discussing homophobia in a serious manner.

A proeminent social media situation that happened recently was when a famous gay youtuber was shipped with a woman during a stream. His response was to say he likes sucking dick. That was enough for a big controversy to start, for him to receive attacks, for him to be accused of being transphobic, etc. People understood that when he refused her for her lack of a dick he was also refusing transmen as a whole. And as far as I know he didn't retract himself nor apologize for it, which gave me a lot of respect for him.

Another even more absurd situation happened months before when a gay engineer shared on twitter that one of the construction workers sent him messages calling him a homophobic slur. He was thinking about reporting it to HR and lots of people started harassing him for it. People started calling the engineer racist and elitist since they assumed the worker was black and poor (yeah, highly hypocritical for them to say that considering they made this assumption with 0 knowledge about the worker). They literally said that the damage he could cause to the homophobe was worse than any homophobia. People of all letters harassed him, including LBG. But popular TQ+ users were especially vocal against him, harassing him for thousands of followers to see, being extremely cynical about the situation and pretending that they never said anything against him when people called them out on it.

Basically, the community is the most toxic against gay men. Do you know the posts people make on this sub of TRAs saying some crazy threatening violent stuff like "TERFs need to be beaten"? It's like that, except it's way more common and well accepted. In USA TRAs have to defend themselves by saying "it's just a few trolls saying that", here they're so comfortable with saying these things that they don't even have to say that.

Lesbians usually suffer less attacks from the community - though don't look strange or you're called a TERF. Bisexuals tend to be seen by the community in a better view than LG, and it's common to see people saying biphobia is actually worse than homophobia. Though of course it's implied that bisexuals would date trans people, so if you say you wouldn't date them the situation would quickly change.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This sounds kind of like there’s a veneer of acceptance for LGB people, but it’s fairly homophobic underneath that. It also seems like the more accepting aspects skimmed past a lot of the societal acceptance for LGB people and got on the TQ train.

Okay. Wait. A guy got harassed at work and people said he was racist (with zero evidence) if he reported it? ...I don’t even understand how that’s an issue. Even if the aggressor was black that wouldn’t make homophobic name-calling okay. Like how is that even a fight??

I’m really sad to hear what life is like for gay Brazilian men, but I really appreciate you telling me.

[–]8bitgay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Another issue is that Brazil was catholic in majority. But for the past decades neopentecostal churches have been on a rise. And they're much more homophobic and much more vocal about it. They own one of the biggest free-to-air tv channels and aren't afraid of using it to promote the church and their homophobic ideas. Not to mention the highly homophobic president of the country and his followers.

So overall the situation is weird. Acceptance of LGB is better than it used to be, same sex marriage is legal, but there's also been a rise in movements and groups that promote homophobia.

The biggest tv channel here was making shows with very homophobic jokes, slurs, stereotypes, catchphrases, etc. just a few years ago. They aired a rerun of a 2011 soap opera last year for example, that had a central gay character who was this weird stereotype used only for comedy. It's bizarre how quickly they shifted from making fun of gay men to promoting twitter social activism. They currently have a daily morning talk show where they regularly invite this type of activists.

The whole thing with the guy being harassed is that there's a lot of hate towards gay men, pure and simple. They were just grasping at straws to find a reason to invalidate a gay man experiencing homophobia. The part I called cynical is because some TQ+ activists even went to say afterwards "we talked with him and he explained to us that the construction worker is white and has money, so stop harassing him". Well, good to know that harassing is only bad after TQ+ activists judged it that way! These are the same people who are denouncing everything as transphobia, as invalidating, but to them it's unacceptable when a gay man shares an actual situation of homophobia.

And frankly this is why I'm drifting apart from most of my gay friends/acquaintances. They care so much about other activisms and social causes, but when it comes to situations like these of TQ+ people going against gay men they just shrug.

[–]Rag3 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Legally, lesbian and gay couples can get married and have protections enshrined in law. LGBTQ circles are inundated with enbies and T so, I haven’t participated in any groups since 2010 or so, when things started to get all commercialized and too straight for my liking.

[–]julesburm1891[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oof. Sounds like you might as well be the USA. That’s rough.