No one is forcing you yet

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[–]8bitgay 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

The relevant part is "keep it a secret" IMO.

I mean, yeah, I know lots of cis men have sex with transwomen in secret. Because they're actually gay/bi men in the closet who have sex with transwomen as a way to fulfill their homosexual desires while also being able to justify to themselves that "it's not really gay".

[–]Femaleisnthateful 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

A friend of mine recently broke up with her bf because she discovered he was secretly having sex with transgender prostitutes. Apparently it's the transwomen who are the victims in this scenario.

[–]pacmanla 16 insightful - 3 fun16 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened to your friend, & this is why I confront men who claim they're "straight", but also say they're "trans attracted". These "straight" men are attracted to the fact that these are men (because they're gay/bi) who appear as "women". And nine times out of ten, still have their male genitalia attached. But, since they appear as "women", these guys (in their minds) are "straight".

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Lol yea, welcome to r/sex.

Hey, u/reluctant_commenter, I would like to pitch this as a potential tag within s/transthegay away. Which is men (it’s generally men) engaging in homosexual behavior while loudly trying to justify it as straight under the guise of how supportive of trans people they are. R/sex has examples of this where men go to brag about their first time with a trans woman. I feel bad for anyone struggling with their sexuality. It took me a while to clear away the cognitive dissonance and accept that I’m a lesbian. But it’s more so the cultish praise coming from the commenters about how wonderful and inclusive the OP is and how totally heterosexual he is when it’s obvious he’s bisexual, or possibly even just a gay dude and they’re just creating a neo-closet for him. It’s super dystopian. I’m also reminded of the homophobic comments apparently made by Blaire White’s boyfriend. Obviously he’s not heterosexual and takes that out on gay men, which is unacceptable.

Editing in some examples:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/kb4jw9/the-straight-men-who-have-sex-with-trans-women

https://www.playboy.com/read/yes-you-re-still-straight-if-you-date-trans-women

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/2hb723/im_a_guy_who_has_always_identified_as_straight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[–]8bitgay 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

And the thing is that on social media you keep seeing people making this argument of "so if gay men are only into people with dicks would you have sex with a transwoman???". No, I wouldn't, but many other gay men have, because of this closet situation we're discussing.

I've actually seen many interviews with transwomen who work in prostitution. And something they always say is that they wouldn't do the surgery because they'd lose most of their clients if they didn't have a dick.

And it's funny because TRAs love to use prostitute transwomen as data for their argument (since these are the trans people who are most at risk of suffering violence), but they never listen to what these transwomen actually have to say. At least in my experience these transwomen are way more aware of the material reality of their bodies and their sexualities than any of these entitled straight people who try to force themselves into LGB communities.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yes, it’s an excellent point. And I’ve heard this from a lot of trans women before, this idea that they know they’d have fewer sexual partners if they got genital surgery because for the partners to whom they have been open about being transgender, their male physique, especially when hidden from public perception, is exactly what their partners are drawn to. I think it’s sad that our society is so phobic of men being attracted to other men that it results in these bizarro situations where one male partner purports to be a a straight woman and the other male partner purports to be a straight man so that they can engage in engage in run-of-the-mill anal and oral homosexual sex.

And I can say that as a lesbian I can definitely be physically attracted to pre-transition trans men, but once they start taking hormones the attraction or surgically altering their bodies, the attraction goes away because I am openly homosexual and can find a female partner, whether masculine or feminine (I’m attracted to both) and don’t need to find a partner that allows me to hide it. But if I have to choose between FtM and MtF, it’s an easy choice for FtM. MtF would never be an option. They have literally nothing I’m interested in at all because I’m a homosexual female. Not into breast implants, moobs, or male genitalia. Very much into natural breasts of all sizes, a wide range of female bodies, and female genitalia.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

and don’t need to find a parent that allows me to hide it.

*partner? :)

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Lol yes. Suddenly Oedipal.

[–]fuck_reddit 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

They never listen to anyone/group that they use as a talking point... they do the same with Marsha P. Johnson and him saying he was a male crossdresser and wasn’t there to throw the first brick. But it’s not too surprising that the people demanding you support their delusion have a tenuous hold on reality...

[–]8bitgay 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

The Martha thing is interesting because they love saying how you must respect how people identify and the gender identity they claim... Yet when Martha claims he's a man and not trans obviously they must decide for him otherwise.

[–]fuck_reddit 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It also confounds their "trans people have always existed" thing. Cause if they've always existed, why did Marsha say he was a man when he could've said he was trans? Then if trans didn't exist back then, then they could claim that he "didn't know how to explain it" and trans him after. But they can't do both.

[–]8bitgay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Right? Not to mention Martha died in 1992. Sure, the transgender cause wasn't so popular back then, but someone like Martha was certainly aware of it.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That sounds like an awesome tag idea, thanks for the examples! Hmm.. now we'll all have to think of a good shorthand for it. "Dating trans to erase my gayness"? "I swear I'm straight"? "Gay and in denial"? "LGB and in denial"? I'll work on it.

[–]our_team_is_winning 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

have sex with transwomen as a way to fulfill their homosexual desires

I don't get men who are attracted to men with nasty breast implants. I get straight men enjoying other men sometimes, but it seems like they would be attracted to masculinity, not freakishness. Nothing weird about same-sex attraction, but attraction to the mutilated body of a fetishist -- that I don't get.

[–]8bitgay 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The guys who seek these prostitutes aren't GB men like us who are comfortable with their sexualities. They're men who are "straight" to the eyes of society, often married. They lived decades in the closet, and they can't admit even to themselves that they might be gay/bi.

You're right, there's nothing weird about same-sex attraction, but these men don't think the same.

[–]our_team_is_winning 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

If GB continues to gain mainstream acceptance, T will probably hate us even more for making straight men comfortable with men (non-T men). I just can't wrap my head around a man really wanting an encounter with a male body but thinking that's bad; an encounter with a male body full of cross-sex hormones and breast implants, THAT is just fine though, not a disturbing fetish there, oh no. I'm kind of surprised straight men can find "transwomen" to sleep with because I thought all the "transwomen" were "lesbians"!

[–]pacmanla 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

100% agree.