Gay MenGay stereotypes, myths, issues, questions, and more!

submitted by PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 from self.LGBDropTheT

Hello, I have questions for the G and the stereotypes/myths surrounding being a gay man! [Thumbnail: Picture]

So, some of these questions may be silly and in jest similar to Game: Dispelling/Accepting Bisexual Stereotypes, or about the community in general and others may focus on more serious issues.

If you're part of the L, I have a thread for you: Lesbian stereotypes, myths, issues, questions and more!. There will be a part two for you, so stay tuned! ♫♪

I will try to warm up and start off easy.

Questions

  • 1. What are your thoughts on terms such as "bear", "otter", "twink", "cub", "queen" "top" and "bottom"?

    • 1a. Do you use these terms? (If so, how would you describe yourself)
    • 1b. Can other groups (such as the L, B, and T) use these terms?

  • 2. How do you feel the gay community treats gender non-conforming gay men? (ex. GNC men that look like Miles Jai or Pierre XO--though he is metrosexual--aka, straight GNC...)

  • 3. Are you into fashion, makeup, drag races, Beyonce etc? Also, how do you feel about these stereotypes?

  • 4. What are some issues that should be tackled/discussed in gay (men) circles?

  • 5. Do you feel as though you are a part of the LGBTQIA+ as the G? (Please explain)

    • 5a) As the G, do you feel supported by the other letters?
    • 5b) What is a good way to support the G?

  • 6. How do you feel about the Trans Right Radical Activists?

    • 6a.) Thoughts on "gaydens"?(ex. trans females that allege they are gay men)

  • 7. What is the dating scene like for you? (ex. hook up culture, old fashion dating, etc)

    • 7a. Is the "male role" and "female role" common in gay men relationships?

  • 8. What are your thoughts on the Gay (man) Blue Flag & Rainbow Flag?

  • 9. What are your thoughts on the following terms(and being called that or others calling themselves that): 'Queer', 'F...t', 'Sassy', 'Homo', 'Homosexual', "Gay", "Gaybie", "Same-sex attracted", and "TEHM". [TEHM= Trans Exclusive Homosexual Man]

  • 10. What type of discrimination do you deal with? (Online, real life, daily, etc)

  • 11. What is one of the MOST annoying myth stereotypes about gay men that you hate?(Ex. see Myths and Stereotypes That Dehumanize Gay Men Must Be Challenged: Start With These 10!)

    • 11a) Is there a gay stereotype that you like or follow?

If any of my questions are too harsh, ignorant, or I sound like a dick, let me know, it is not my intention and I apologize in advance!

If I think of any more questions, I'll edit this post!

Edit: Format -if you see me editing constantly...it's because I am fixing format and English grammer/spelling, my bad.

Edit 2: There are actually a couple more questions I have so here they are below.

  • 12. What are you thoughts on gay marriage?

    • 12a. Thoughts on biological children or adoption?

  • 13. What are you countries views on gay men? [Please explain]

    • 13a. What country or countries do you feel is the LEAST and MOST tolerant/accepting of gay men?
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[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

  1. I think the terms are fine and they have a specific use. Not every guy is going to be attracted to every body type and having a lexicon to make it easier to sift through who you find potential mutual attraction is a great way to not waste your own time. I describe myself both as a cub (because I'm overweight and hairy) and a top (because I'm the penetrative partner during anal sex). These terms are related to material reality. Certain terms I get annoyed at other people using, but understand that they aren't just limited to gay male lexicon. However, terms like twink as well as positional sex roles get me more irritated because they have specific meanings that get diluted when used by others.

  2. Our treatment of GNC men is complicated. I may return to this question when I finish answering the rest (or edit it later).

  3. I've gone through phases of liking certain stereotypical things. Drag remains one of those things that I continue to enjoy (depending on the performer) because it's an opportunity to support other gay man directly (via tips). Not every stereotypical hobby or interest applies to every gay man. I've been working these past couples years to push myself to explore the hobbies or interests I always wanted to take up and find an internal sense of validation to do so.

  4. HIV & STI prevention that focuses on condom use; predatory older men; drug use and it's impact on our spaces; saying no to queer theory peddlers who try and involve themselves in our events, spaces, and resources.

  5. I don't feel like I'm a part of the larger community as a gay man. I've worked in some gay male spaces and felt supported by my employers (gay and bi men), but felt attacked by "the other letters." A lot of this has to do with the fact that everyone tries to barge in and access these spaces. It often feels like gay men are expected to build and create everything for everyone, but never create anything exclusive for ourselves. I also feel like the other letters facilitate the discourse in academic settings and gay men have to endure the consequences. For example, Michel Foucault and Queer Theory. Why is this the only gay male perspective that gets taught when we are brought up? Why is it that we are not allowed to have another voice? Why do we always have to be presented as monolithic? If you are a lesbian or bisexual person in a teaching position in academia, why are you not qualifying what is in the course material with the fact that many gay men, even those outside of academia, disagree with this tool and think he's a creep?

  6. I'm going to focus on the "gayden" part because I have more to say. I think these girls/women are creepy and predatory. I think that their harassment of gay boys and men is pushing us out of our own spaces, ones that many of us still need, and into darker corners. I feel especially sorry for and gay teenager stuck in high school right now because he'll be dealing with these clowns and that alienation in GSAs is going to send him out seeking adult spaces in hopes of finding other normie gay teens.

  7. I tend to prefer hook-ups to dating. In dating, people put on facades. In hooking up, most guys will reveal the worst aspects of themselves so you get a feel for who they really are as a person. I don't feel like the "male" and "female" roles are as common in same-sex relationships among gay men. I feel like they can fluctuate. However, I feel like socialization around straight women often leads to gay men internalizing aspects of the "female role" in dating and failing to realize why this doesn't lead to a second or third date. My best relationship was with a closeted bi guy because our dates were actually fun and I didn't feel like I had to lead everything. My worst were with guys who said they "had fun" but were shocked when I told them I didn't because I felt like I was hauling ass throughout the entire thing only to get a stank face in response.

  8. I think it's stupid.

  9. Queer is stupid and meaningless- it relies on you observing the behaviour of the person to establish what they really mean. "F...t" I find offensive- I can take a drag queen using the term to be edgy, but everyone else can keep it out of their mouths. "Sassy" I feel is more applied to black women, so it isn't our term to use or be concerned about. "Homo" I hear less often. "Homosexual" I used to feel was a cringy when used because it sounded very medical, but as I've seen the word gay get diluted I understand the need for it to establish what I actually am. "Gay" see the previous. "Gaybie" is stupid. "Same-sex attracted" I'm fine with. "TEHM" I think was a cringy way for gaydens to try and insult gay men and I find it funny seeing gay men reclaim it.

  10. I don't deal with as much discrimination as I used to. As an adult, most of the discrimination I experience has to do with being held to a higher standard in the workplace. It's often covert, and I see it applied to lesbians, too. In one workplace I was in, a straight woman in the office I worked in would routinely complain about how "slow" the lesbian woman was at doing her job (manual labour, had a bum knee but still pushed herself hard) and about how one gay guy in the IT department didn't know what his job was (he wasn't trained but was trying his best to fix every issue presented to him). This was a woman who spent all day browsing Amazon/doing little if anything productive. The discrimination I see most of us facing as adults centers around our labour and time being devalued and the idea that we aren't employable or deserving of employment.

  11. The most annoying one is the pedophilia stereotype. I know for a damn fact that I am not one and that the vast majority of gay men are not either. I think this has contributed to a lot of the problems we face in building up spaces for our youth because many gay men are afraid of accusations for wanting to work with/help children and teens. Even those that do (such as teachers) remain closeted when gay teenagers need a level-headed mentor and not some Jeffree Star type to parasocially groom them.

  12. I'm pro gay marriage. I don't want biological kids, but if I do get married I will likely foster.

  13. I'm in Canada. Opinions vary person to person, but I think there is a strong, unspoken, negative undercurrent that festers in the actions of certain people. We're often treated as objects even by "friends" and if we don't fit a certain mold we are tossed aside for a more "fun, agreeable" gay man. I think a lot of Middle Eastern countries would qualify as the least accepting because of the forced sex changes.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

#3: I never thought about Drag being a way to support gay men with tips! I honestly don't know too much about drag. That's interesting. I heard Ru Paul was adamant on having males-only in the drag races but recently changed it? Not sure if people were pushing him or what it was.

That's cool that you have been exploring hobbies/interests. I hope that you find that sense of validation that you seek!

#4: For the HIV & STI awareness/using a condom, do you feel schools should advise of safe (gay male) sex? I heard varying opinions on this so I wanted to ask. Some people also say they prefer as a parent to advise their kids, some say kids should have the school teach them. What do you feels is a good way to help gay youth protect themselves against older predatory men as well as prevent drug use? Then finally, how would you go about the prevention of gay boys/men getting sucked into the queer ideologue?

#5: Yes, I noticed that many gay bars, media(ex. Books, movies, shows, etc) and merchandise are being taken/used by people who are not gay (men).

It seems many of the letters in the alphabet soup end up piggybacking on that instead of creating their own content... Slightly off topic, but as the B, I feel we may be one of the worst offenders to that. I wish we had our own media/places instead of intruding on the L & G. We're technically the majority out of the LGB, but for some reason we tend to piggyback off of you guys instead of making our own bars or media etc. I think we're getting a little bit better about doing our own thing, but the B is starting to politicize under the TQ+ and adopting new labels for ourselves such as "queer", "pansexual", "polysexual", "omnisexual", and "bisexual+" when they all mean the same thing---attraction to two-sexes. Those terms are merely a political difference between us and TQ+.

Also curious...do you know of any gay men who legitimately use the term "queer" to define himself? I only ever heard of other bisexuals, straight and some trans people use that term. Do gay men have the similar (big) political divide as bisexuals?

I was also curious on the word "TEHM", I saw some GC gay men use it on purpose to make the TRAs angry. The TRAs also tried to make "TELP" a thing.[Trans Exclusive LGB Person/People]...I kid you not...Maybe they are a bit self aware? Hahaha.

#6: I have not experienced any "gayden's" perse, but just nasty fujoshi girls whom are equally disturbing. The only difference is that these fujoshis aren't pretending to be men...unless they are a hayden fujoshi, yikes!

#7: I have a question about the dating scene--are most the men there "in the closet" or open about it? Is it difficult to find others to date? Do you feel gay men and bi men get along well for the most part or not really? I saw some bisexual men memes such as this on: Dating as a bisexual male is a paradox Curious to hear from the gay men's perspective how it is generally like.

#10: Geez, that coworker sounds like a joy to work with. I'm sorry you have to deal with ignorant comments and hypocritical coworkers such as herself. Is this workplace "progressive" too? If it is...that proves that progressives aren't as "tolerant" as they claim. I worked at TQ+ job that spouted about tolerance, but if you were even "slightly" right leaning or even a centrist, they thing you're immoral and terrible for having different opinions. They were extremists...everyday man..was tiring...

#11: That pedophilia stereotype sounds vexing and gross that it was tagged on you guys! It seems like people were trying to make excuses to say "See? Look = teh bad 😈 and 'weird', str8 = gud & Jesus 😇" Do you feel there may be a way to fight this stereotype or I guess change people's perspectives on gay males taking care giver roles? Would have more gay men take up these roles maybe help people rethink?

#13: Ah, the "gay best friend" stereotype is prevalent in Canada? Jeez... That sounds like load of..."fun". Not. Dang, I thought Canadians were very uh...Open to everything? I also heard it was more "safe" and "free" than the USA.

...But then I also heard there was that bill about getting people "in trouble" if this say the wrong pronouns to someone?(restriction of freedom of speech, no?) I do not know the Canadian politics, but that is the bit I heard. Do you like Canada? Do you feel it is mostly good with just the TRA being bad part perhaps? My country is shit based on violence and such. The country I am currently in is...OK. I guess.

Edit: format

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

  1. Ru was adamant on it being males only but got pushed to the brink of making an exception due to backlash.

  2. The condom thing is something we need to push in adult spaces. I think the promotion of condom use should be done as a catch all for everyone in schools (to prevent pregnancy, STIs, reproductive coercion, etc.). I really don't trust most parents to do the right thing when their kids get old enough and need to know the information. Some parents are not emotionally mature enough to recognize that their kid is getting older and needs to be prepared. My parents didn't really teach me, but when I was 12 I snuck the box of condoms from my dad's bedside table, read the instructions, and tested one to teach myself. Not all kids are going to be that innovative.

The best way to prevent gay teens from being taken advantage of by predators is to have spaces for LGB youth. Adults in charge of these spaces need to be vetted (criminal background check, vulnerable person check), but also need to recognize that by being in charge of these spaces they need to actually hold kids accountable for their shitty actions. If one kid is harassing another (or multiple) and nothing is done, the other kids are going to leave and that puts them at risk of trying to access adult spaces. I sincerely don't believe that most minors who end up Grindr (or craigslist back in the day) started off like that. I do believe they tried to use the resources available to them and those resources failed. I don't know if it's the same for lesbians, but in certain circles I heard rumblings of it. I think the best way to keep these kids from being vulnerable to the queer theory rhetoric is to make sure that the adults in charge are also not sucked in. We need to take back control from these idiots. We have to have a goal in mind when creating spaces rather than just plopping our asses down and calling ourselves "heroes."

As far as protection from drug use, that's trickier. I think we need to be tougher on the use of party drugs in our bars by banning offenders. I know a number of guys who have owned these spaces and some have outright shut them down because of the drug usage. One of the problems is that, once you start introducing non-gay men into our spaces, the drug usage goes up. People treat gay spaces like a place to fuck around and cause havoc. When it was just the boys (bear events), things were much calmer and the problems didn't arise. We need to take ownership of what we make and set firmer boundaries with the people for whom this is just "fun."

  1. I don't know any actual gay men who call themselves queer, but I know a few bi guys who do. The thing is, these guys are often GNC and only have public relationships with men, so they are read as being gay and people take their word as being that of a (pompous) gay man.

TEHM I find funny and the culture that surrounds the type of men who embrace the term is fun to be a part of. It's nice to have other gay men on the same page as you where you can be honest about your experiences.

  1. Gay men and bi men can have tumultuous relationships as two demographics that occupy the same spaces. I find a lot of bi men who prioritize dating men tend to be defensive about gay men's experiences with bi men on the whole. I think it parallels the experiences of lesbians and bi women. I think in being exclusively same-sex attracted, both gay men and lesbian women are hyper aware of how small our potential dating pool is and know we can go a very long time without a relationship due to that. I think a lot of us have also accepted that we may never find a permanent partner and need to plan accordingly. It's why we tend to prioritize dating other gay men and lesbian women because they will be in the same boat and understand.

There are a lot of closeted bi men in the world... a lot more than people would like to think.

  1. The workplace was an office in a college and the workers were from various departments we interacted with. I don't work there anymore, but it was the job that really pushed me to leave my resume at the bathhouse and start working there. I just needed to be around other gay/bi men for a while. But, that job also had it's cons. Working everywhere sucks.

  2. I think the only way to fight it is (a) for gay men to be vocal and call out predatory men in our demographic and to (b) to expose pedos of other demographics. It doesn't help that you have libraries running drag queen story times but not doing background checks on the performers (like what happened in Texas). Way too many woke people refuse to do the jobs they signed up for and it just creates bullshit and chaos.

  3. I don't know if I fully like my country or not. The compelled speech thing is frustrating, but there are times where I would hate to be in America due to the healthcare system. I think there are pros and cons to every country.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

1. What are your thoughts on terms such as "bear", "otter", "twink", "cub", "queen" "top" and "bottom"?

Hate them. "Top and bottom" would be okay if they were used in a completely unbiased way to simply describe who was penetrating, without implying any kind of power play or "dominance" over the "bottom"/implication that the "bottom" is inferior, but it's pretty much always like that.

1a. Do you use these terms? (If so, how would you describe yourself)

I have used "bottom" to describe myself in a few places online, in a negative way, to explain that I'm not interested in anything but penetrative sex, and I'm not happy with that. I have never used it in real life, or in any online place where I'm not anonymous. It is not something I wish to "identify" as.

1b. Can other groups (such as the L, B, and T) use these terms?

Use them how? For self identification or for calling others that?

If, for whatever weird reason, a lesbian woman wants to call herself a "twink" then I don't really care. Maybe if everyone uses these terms enough and throws them around, they'll lose all meaning and won't seem so negative anymore.

Also it's a strange concept to me that it's even up for debate whether bisexual men, aka men who have sex with men, are allowed to use somewhat demeaning terms referring to... men who sleep with men.

2. How do you feel the gay community treats gender non-conforming gay men? (ex. GNC men that look like Miles Jai or Pierre XO--though he is metrosexual--aka, straight GNC...)

Awfully.

It feels like a 50/50 split between being told I'm not a real man/that I am a "fake gay"/that I need to take dangerous testosterone injections, by gay men who value masculinity above anything else, and gay men who fetishize feminine/GNC guys and talk to me in a sexually degrading and demanding way.

3. Are you into fashion, makeup, drag races, Beyonce etc? Also, how do you feel about these stereotypes?

See, this is probably why I get shit a lot.

I like wearing makeup, I like fashion in the sense I like some fashion genres and I like putting effort into what I wear. But I'm not flamboyant. There's a difference, a very clear difference. People need to understand that.

I find a lot of gay stereotypes sexist too. You talk in a dumb voice, act needlessly "sassy" to the point of being rude and unlikable, and wear ridiculous outfits, and you think that makes you "like a woman" when I don't think I've ever seen a woman act like that.

4. What are some issues that should be tackled/discussed in gay (men) circles?

  • Toxic masculinity and the obsession with needing to be super manly and "dominate" others. The need to "dominate" another man you see as lesser or "less manly." The abuse and discrimination against feminine males, and reducing some kinds of man to nothing but a fetish category; objectification.

  • The fact that the gay (and wider LGBT) keeps promoting dangerous sex practices, especially to younger people.

  • Rampant pedo/grooming problem, especially online.

  • Alternatives for people who dislike being gay. Some of us want out of this life and I don't see why we should be denied that, especially if we only want to do it for OURSELVES and don't force anyone else into it.

5. Do you feel as though you are a part of the LGBTQIA+ as the G? (Please explain)

I do not identify with the G because I cannot relate to most gay men, nor do I want to associate with the wider LGBT. My experience is extremely different, I am neither "proud" nor comfortable to be attracted to males, in fact it's something I struggle with extremely. I can't relate to "gay culture" and can't understand it most of the time even if it's explained to me. Then there's the fact that I try not to call myself "gay" because it seems more like an aesthetic or stereotype than a technical term, so I guess that voids me from being in the "G" anyway.

6. How do you feel about the Trans Radical Activists?

I hate them, but other activists can be just as bad. I mostly hate the adult ones with actual influence, I care less about the idiot kids who'll most likely grow out of it in a few years. So, I try to save my hatred for those in power.

6a.) Thoughts on "gaydens"?(ex. trans females that allege they are gay men)

They're really depressing. Again, a lot of them are kids, so I try not to get too stressed, but man can they be nasty and insulting.

7. What is the dating scene like for you? (ex. hook up culture, old fashion dating, etc)

Bad. I choose not to date, because the idea of being with a man makes me very uncomfortable, both hookups and a "traditional" dating relationship.

7a. Is the "male role" and "female role" common in gay men relationships?

Yes, and it's inescapable. Guys always want me to be "the woman" because I look androgynous, and this isn't something positive. I think these guys are extremely sexist, it's just no one cares because they have no interest in women sexually.

8. What are your thoughts on the Gay (man) Blue Flag & Rainbow Flag?

The gay blue one is "trans inclusive" and a shitty, gender color coded recolor of the pink lesbian flag. I have NO idea why this sub uses it when this sub is about "dropping the T", and they don't even use the pink lesbian flag in the banner to begin with.

The rainbow flag is okay, I guess? It's cheesy and nonspecific but that fits the era it was made in. I'm mad that I can't wear anything with rainbow on without someone thinking I'm gay, though.

9. What are your thoughts on the following terms(and being called that or others calling themselves that): 'Queer', 'F...t', 'Sassy', 'Homo', 'Homosexual', "Gay", "Gaybie", "Same-sex attracted", and "TEHM". [TEHM= Trans Exclusive Homosexual Man]

Queer: Stupid and meaningless but I don't see it as a "slur." I associate it with hipsters and idiots who just want to be special.

The big bad F-word: Lol, I actually like it, and I use it for myself a lot. I am struggling a lot with what feels like no way out, what else can I do but laugh at myself? In a weird way it helps.

Sassy: Irrelevant to being gay. A legitimate word but the "sassy gay man" stereotype is unfunny, has never been funny, and needs to piss off.

Homo: Fine with this, it's light hearted. I call myself this a lot.

Homosexual: The literal, technical, "clinical" term for "gay" and this is why I like and describe myself as such. "Gay" feels like an aesthetic or a subculture, but "homosexual" is nothing more than what it says it is.

Gay: Again, feels more like an aesthetic, stereotype, or subculture - one I cannot relate to.

Gaybie: Wtf does this mean? I googled it but I got different results - the child of a gay couple, or a male new to being gay? I don't know.

Same sex attracted: Again, literal and straight to the point, also useful because it includes bisexual people.

TEHM: Now this is a tricky one. Originally, I was all for this, because of it's literal meaning. But it's too similar to "TERF" and I refuse to use it solely because of that. I don't want to associate with radical feminists, especially considering they hate most males for being male, so it makes no sense to have a male-only term associated with radfems.

10. What type of discrimination do you deal with? (Online, real life, daily, etc)

I used to experience a lot of real life discrimination when I was younger. I was never "out" and I wasn't actually gay until I was older, but I was still bullied for being feminine and "looking gay."

Now I live isolated and in a quiet place, so most of the discrimination is now online.

11. What is one of the MOST annoying myth stereotypes about gay men that you hate?

That homosexual male = fun loving, "out and proud", friendly, supportive and "tolerant" of all, and so forth.

No. I am a miserable bastard. I wish I could just be left alone and not expected to perform as some kind of perfect fountain of woke-positivity for others.

11a) Is there a gay stereotype that you like or follow?

I'm not sure if this counts but some seem to think that homosexual guys are often "one of the girls" socially and get along better with female friends. It certainly applies to me.

12. What are you thoughts on gay marriage?

I am against it pretty firmly, but before anyone loses their shit - it's because I'm against marriage as a whole. It's outdated and sexist and "equality" does not ean giving same sex couples the option to emulate sexist male/female dynamics.

12a. Thoughts on biological children or adoption?

I don't believe surrogacy is okay, it seems cruel, like using women as products or services. Adoption I'm not so sure about. My sexuality was warped at a young age by exposure to adult topics and I feel like non-straight parents are less likely to restrict kids from "sex positive" content.

13. What are you countries views on gay men? [Please explain]

Russia: It's not nearly as bad as the Western media makes it out to be, most people do not care. You will not be killed for simply being gay. I have searched far and wide for actual, undeniable evidence of the Chechnya "gay death camps" claims but every single "source", English and Russian, traces back to "this one LGBT organization confirmed it", which is highly suspicious.

13a. What country or countries do you feel is the LEAST and MOST tolerant/accepting of gay men?

I can't really answer this because the word "tolerant" has taken on different meanings. I think, for example, the country that has the most "LGBT activism" and pandering is NOT the country that is most literally tolerant.

Thank you for asking these, OP, and starting discussion. It's really nice to see a post that makes one think and reply more than just the generic "look what this trans person said" rage porn that gets posted six times a day.

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No problem! :)

Occasionally, I have to take break from this sub if it's overdosed with "look trans bad, trans say offense thing!! >:-0" posts.

So, I make these posts in hopes to see different kind of content and see/have meaningful discussions. I like that while everyone may be "Drop the T", that not everyone has the exact same opinion/views here. I learnt a lot from you guys/gals. Some posts either softens or strengthens my views on particular subjects.

I just hope I am not spamming you guys with these posts. I have many ideas but try to slow my roll and post in other places or take breaks in between.

I try to respond when I can, but if I feel my response doesn't add to the topic/discussion in meaningful way, I either do not comment or delete my comment later. I do try to read through every reply in my posts though.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer the questions and sharing your insight!

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

1: The first 4 as well as wolf jock and chub are used to describe certain body types. I have no quarrel with the words as they are adjectives, usually defining amounts of body hair, muscle, and fat. Some may argue that these words encourage expectations and ideals that are bad, and I agree that these physical characteristics should not drive someone to make assumptions about their personality or desires in any way. Top and Bottom are descriptors of sex preferences and in addition to versatile and side, can be very useful when communicating with a potential sex partner. I'm not sure about the context surrounding queen as much as the rest.

1b: So long as the words are being correctly used to describe someone, they aren't any less viable to use than hairy, thin, chubby, muscular, or any adjective that is implied by these words. These words are meant to encourage easy communication and shouldn't cause confusion due to a large group of people not knowing about them due to fear of offense.

2: There is no single community that can be defined for the treatment of GNC gays. For example, a group full of GNC gays will more than likely be accepting of them at minimum and possibly have a superiority complex over other forms of gays while a group of masc 4 masc gays will likely be less accepting if not resentful of GNC gays. There is a range between treating GNC gays as the ultimate form of man and as a pathetic subhuman species present withing the gay community. I, personally, do not mind them so long as they don't rope me into it or demand anything other than mutual respect from me. If someone demands I find them attractive, I will lose respect for them

3: I recently decided to get my ears pierced (maybe I've been playing too much Cyberpunk 2077...) but would not consider myself to be into fashion and definetely not into makeup or drag races at all. And I have no opinion on Beyonce. I think the stereotypes of these are harmful because they imply that sexuality is inherently linked to several things that it really isn't and tells straight men that they can't be interested in such things and tells gay men that they must be interested in such things. No one benefits from these stereotypes, so they should be irradicated. The things themselves, loving beyonce or drag, etc. can and should continue, but it shouldn't be associated with any sexuality or gender, just humans with a common interest coming together to celebrate it while everyone who isn't interested can go elsewhere to do what they want.

  1. I think most of the issues within gay men's circles are not unique to gay men, there is an existent (and therefore too large) presence of racism and other -phobias within gay communities, but that is something that society as a whole needs to address, not just "no fats no fems no asians" or "BBC only" guys on grindr. The biggest problem that is somewhat unique to gay men is the enforcement or rejection of anyone who follows the stereotypes. Some GNC gay men will accuse other gay men of "not being gay enough" because the other gay men DON'T do the harmful stereotypes I mentioned above and the masc 4 masc crowd will shame GNC gay men for following thoes stereotypes. We just need to stop policing what we can and cannot do. We spent decades fighting to be allowed to be who we are, we should let eachother do what we want so long as it doesn't actually harm anyone else. Of course, both of those extremes may argue that the other IS harming either our public image or young gays that want to be GNC.

5: I do not feel welcome in the alphabet soup because I cannot embrace every other letter and partake in everything they do. The LGB is where I am, not some alphabet soup that celebrates random people pretending to be something they aren't while acting like their hobbies put them on par with a minority group that to this day is persecuted and murdered around the globe.

5b: A good way to support the G is to stop treating it like some novel concept or exotic thing. The only difference between a gay man and a straight man is who they sleep with. Any other apparent differences are coincidental and you could find a gay and straight man pair with all those roles reversed.

6: TRAs and "gaydens" as you put it are a group of cultists that have been pulled into and pull others into a mindset of stereotypes and the idea that the only way to be happy is to alter their bodies and/or force the world to change in an unnatural and unhelpful way. They promote the idea that the cause of one's problems is their born sex and that changing their sex will somehow fix that. That removing one's breasts will take away the problems of female puberty, that adding fake breasts will fix one's fragile masculinity, that somehow the grass is greener on the other side for both sides. They lie, cheat, and steal to ensure that more people fall victim to something that does more harm than good and then proceeds to blame the failure of the transition on the world for not accepting them, reinforcing the cycle of indoctrination and reeducation.

7: I'm somewhat new to this dating scene, but I have seen (yet not interacted much with) men that have decided that since I am younger and less muscular that they are the "man" and I am to be the weak sex object to shave my body and jump on their condomless and unlubricated dick on their time. But I have also been seeing a couple people lately who can treat me as an equal without a gendered dichotomy. The only "roles" between us is that I have roommates, so I am the one that travels. I have not noticed being the "man" or "woman" in any real interactions.

8: I don't even know anymore. At this point, I have heard so many conflicting stories about the origins of the rainbow and blue flag that I hate the meaning of the white stripe bisecting everything at this point but don't have any real need to fly something in my everyday life. I picked up a black bracelet with a stainless steel magnetic latch with a very subtle set of 6 stripes corresponding to the original flag because it looks nice, but that is the only rainbow or any flag related item I own.

9: Ok... the Q word I do not recall ever actually being directed at me, though I do not identify with it at all because I am not "odd" as the original definition is nor do I relate to anyone who willingly uses it in modern times. I think if anything, it still holds onto the hatred it was originally packed with. The F word, if my information is correct, comes from the method by which homosexuals were murdered, so I would use that on anyone whom I don't wish a painful death upon, nor should anyone else, honestly. that S one, did you mean s!ssy with an i? Sass is something anyone, regardless of sex or sexuality, can have, though I've heard it in context more often with black women on social media than any other group. Homo seems like a shortened version of homosexual meant to be a slur, but I can't be sure. Homosexual is just an accurate descriptor of our sexuality. Gay was a nice word for being less than five syllables, but the straights seem to have fetishised the term to the point where they use it to refer to someone who is more accurately metrosexual (though I'm not a fan of that word either because it isn't a sexuality, it is a GNC straight man). Gaybie is something I've heard to refer to someone who recently came out about being gay or is very young and coming into the gay dating scene. I'm not a fan of those who use it because they typically seem to have a superiority complex and act like they're the best authority to raise the new generations of gays.
Same sex attracted is just homosexual translated from Greek to English. It is the same word(s). TEHM is not something I've heard of until today. I'd say it is... an actual homosexual and not some bisexual who claims to be gay and tries to justify it by saying all the women they sleep with are actually men. I say we embrace that one!

10: I'll admit that I've been fortunate enough to not deal with any real discrimination in my life. Online I face some discrimination in online forums because I am not a clown who follows political extremes to a fault. I think that both sides of the political spectrum are stupid and both have points in different areas and both are just flat out wrong in other areas where a more compromise strategy would be appropriate.

11: I'd say that gay men aren't relationship oriented or, more accurately, that gay men are less healthy-relationship oriented than straight people. Sure, there might be more straight people that claim to be relationship oriented, but I've heard too many cases of straight couples resenting eachother and becoming unfaithful to eachother while not just agreeing to divorce or have an open relationship. If you take out the religious or parental expectation of it, not a whole lot of humans are relationship oriented, so let's not point the finger at a group of people who is honest about it and doesn't force themselves into bad relationships at the same rate for appeareces alone for being a bunch of hoes.

12: fuck all marriage. It's a scam invented by the church to control people and nowadays is a scam perpetuated by the government, wedding planners, and divorce lawyers to get people to make expensive decisions. Equal rights, for sure! But marriage is a trap and I will only participate in it if there is a practical advantage, which will only happen due to the government putting some rights behind what is essentially a paywall.

13: OH! you mean what is my country’s view on gay men. I have the privilege of being an American, so you probably already know how we rioters feel about gays.

13a: because of my American privilege, I am underinformed on other countries' politics. I would assume that either China, North Korea, or somewhere in the Middle East/Africa would be the worst, and I've heard that Iceland is the best. I would love to visit that country some day

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

1)

Not for me. I don't like labelling people based on their bodies. Top or bottom I use sometimes, though.

2)

I wouldn't know lately, since I've been divorced from the dumpster fire for several years given the baggage it comes with.

3)

Not at all. The stereotype is fucking stupid.

4)

The woke constantly advocating for our corrective rape.

5) Nope.

5a) Past the LGB: Hell no.

5b) By shedding the parasites co-opting our movement whilst calling for our violent erasure.

6)

Live as you want, but you're not a biological man. You're a trans man, and any attempt to convince me differently is flagrantly dishonest. Your unique qualities disqualify you from not only my dating pool, but I imagine the majority of gay men's dating pools. Accept this and back off, and we'll be fine.

7)

I met a guy without really dating, so no comment.

8)

Flag's a flag. I don't really care about them.

9)

Homosexual, Same-sex attracted and maybe gay (barely, it's practically meaningless now) are the only one of those terms that are necessary. The rest of them range from slur to stupid.

10)

Online, light real life. I've surrounded myself with people whom I share mutual respect, so my exposure to homophobic vitriol in my day to day life is limited.

11)

The whole queen thing. Gross.

12)

It's a complicated one. I understand and respect that Christians and Catholics don't much like the idea, but they don't have to be aware of and/or abide by it. Just don't force them to get involved with something they don't believe in, and everything's fine.

Biological children vs adoption to me is another complicated one. I get that some people want children biologically descendent from them, but adoption is probably the kinder choice all around. Still, I wouldn't judge anyone who elected for their own biological children, as long as the surrogate mother is okay with it. (I kinda fail to see how she would be.)

13)

NZ is pretty accepting of homosexual men right now, but those new hate speech laws are gonna coddle the gender woowoos to the point they'll be able to force themselves into and onto anything homosexual. Might get dicey sometime soon.

[–]fuck_reddit 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

  1. Yes, my bf says Twink for me but I would say otter I guess. 1b. It really annoys me when straight couples say "top/bottom" cause they don't use the terms right and it just seems like a way of virtue signaling how woke their relationship is. 2. Idk, haven't really paid attention to it. I think all people have a natural balance of masculinity and femininity. 3. Kinda, no, no, no 4. Substance abuse 5. No. I get treated like shit by "woke" people because I don't buy into their politics. 5a. Gay men are just flat out not supported by the other letters beyond communities like this one. 5b. Idk, let us be. 6. TRA's are a blight on this planet. They are encouraging human rights abuses, child abuse, sexual abuse, and medical malpractice. 6a. they attempt to rape gay men and abuse them for asserting that they are homosexual. 7a. Idk, I don't know the in's and out's of enough gay couples to know. 8. Idk, I thought the rainbow flag was supposed to unite us and cover everyone... apparently not... 9. No, no, no, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, no 10. Idk, not too much. 11. 8, 9, and 10. 12. Pro 12a. pro and pro 13. Regressing due to the propagation of transgender ideology. 13a. Saudi Arabia or Iran and probably Spain or the Netherlands. Even rural Spaniards are pretty laid back about it despite the influence of Catholicism.