DiscussionDoes anyone else feel weird describing themselves as their sexual orientation, because the words have become so watered-down now?

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[–]HelloMomo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I thought I was 100% asexual for a decade. During that time, one of my friends (who knew!) asked me out. I asked him, "What do you think asking out your asexual friend is going to yield?" and he said something along the lines of, "I dunno, I'm ace-spec too, and I thought maybe..." So yeah. I feel where you're coming from.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm personally open to turn out not to be asexual later in life though it's still strange to never have crushes nor find anyone sexually attractive even in my 20s. Like, what causes it (I take no meds) if... let's say... I turn out "normal" in my 30s or 40s? I've read that non-straight people realize their sexuality later in life but I think they know they have certain feelings since the beginning but they'll suppress them cuz society tells them they are wrong and it will take some time for them to accept these feelings and realize they're gay or bi. I never had any "weird" feelings to same sex nor opposite sex really. I only become aware that people are even think what's their orientation once I saw a trend of teens putting in their bios they are bi or gay (way before the trans craziness). I think this is when I started to think deeper that actually being indifferent to same sex isn't what heterosexuality is, lol. I understood heterosexuality as negation of homosexuality so I didn't even feel too worried.

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I really wasn't suppressing my same sex attraction. Just given the way close female friendships are framed by society—especially when you're young—I thought it was within the realm of normal friendship feelings. I was a lonely kid for most of my childhood, so if I was a bit obsessive about some of my friends, I thought it was just because I'd been lonely for so long before, and now here someone was to end that. And that women are ridiculously beautiful was just objectively true, not my option or anything... right? And sure, they cause aching longing in my chest sometimes, but all beautiful things do that, like Italian villas and gypsy vanner horses and the starry night sky. And I probably actually am less sexual than some people, so that helped. And whenever I thought I might be lesbian, I told myself, "No, you're just talking yourself into it because you want to be a lesbian. You have to be born lucky to be a lesbian, and you are not lucky."

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Personally I wonder if sexual attraction is like asexuals try to frame it... like wanting to get physical? There was maybe only one person in my life I wanted to just know but in my head I never thought of anything unusual - I desired to be friends with that person of the same sex. But the idea of anything physical was really repulsive and seen as ruining what I wanted. The only time I ever felt "attracted" but it wasn't even physical nor I'd say very intense as people frame crushes to be very intense and obsessive. I was only like: "Wow this person is so cool and shares the same niche interests as me".