DiscussionIt seems like every girl I see is a they/them now

submitted by slax from self.LGBDropTheT

I frequent tiktok a lot for some laughs and a lot of the times I see so many women who don't want to be women on there. Like I see a girl and I'm like "wow she's cute" and go on her bio and I see "they/them" it's like I can just tell what their pronouns are going to be if they have a certain look.

It's kind of disappointing because it feels like no one wants to be a woman these days, especially non binary people that identify as lesbians. They want to be called a lesbian but don't want to be labeled as female. That's just confusing to me.

Also the age demographic of tiktok are teens so they are very impressionable and influenced by the things around them. I feel like most of these kids calling themselves trans are doing it because it's the cool new thing or they want to be different. Not like other girls.

There is a lesbian on there that I watch and she recently changed her pronouns to they/them just because she doesn't like it when old men refer to her as "sweetie, darling, miss" basically anything feminine.

Feeling that way doesn't mean that you don't want to be a woman. Many women don't like men cat calling them or trying to call them pet names. That doesn't mean that you're actually not a woman because you don't like being called those words.

Has anyone had this experience? I'm new here so I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but I wanted to share my feelings of what I've been seeing lately.

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[–]reluctant_commenter 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

she recently changed her pronouns to they/them just because she doesn't like it when old men refer to her as "sweetie, darling, miss" basically anything feminine.

Lol, now that's just fucked up. Can you really blame teens for trying to find an easy way out, though? If I had thought, at 16 years old, that telling people to call me "they" would stop fully-grown adult men or even old men from hitting on me (which happened several times), then I absolutely would have.

edit: Also yes I know multiple people like this, I'm not on TikTok but I'm in my early 20s and have had 2 close friends (not to even mention acquaintances) just like this and it makes me sad. Both are smart, kind individual and it sucks to see them both get sucked into gender identity ideology. ALSO also: I'm glad you brought this up, because it's been on my mind recently and I don't really know what to say about it, other than it makes me sad.

[–]8bitgay 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Right? I kinda understand why there are so many non-binary people now. It's an easy way out of the pressures and expectations associated with being a man or a woman.

However, in doing so you're also basically abandoning everyone else. Instead of saying "don't put this expectation on women", you're saying "well, I don't need to fit this expectation anyway because I'm not a woman".

It's like if a small fire starts in your house and instead of trying to put it down you decide to leave the house and let the fire keep growing there. Sure, it solves your issue but what about the other people inside?

[–]fuckupaddamsBisexual Terve 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Doesn't even solve your issue though. Men don't care what pronouns you use, a woman's a woman, they know it, and they'll act like it regardless.

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I can just tell what their pronouns are going to be if they have a certain look.

They've really ruined the 'alternative' look imo. I've made my share of 'blue hair' jokes but the fact of the matter is that I love that look. Ever since I was 16 I've been dyeing my hair, I've gone through basically every color except yellow, I have multiple piercings, etc. I hate how that style has now basically been taken over by enby snowflakes who start foaming at the mouth if you don't use they/them or neopronouns.

[–]slax[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree! I love that look as well and want to have that style. It sucks how every person I see with that alternative look is mostly nonbinary. Whenever I see somebody's video I'm like "wow they look cool" and then I'm like "wait let me guess...they/them?" And I go on their profile and every single time I'm right lol

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's so sad and irritating! Same with GNC/butch women. 90% of them are trans or nonbinary online and I hate it so much.

Sometimes I feel like I should try to look more 'normal' (not coloring my hair, hiding my septum ring, taking my plugs out, etc) just so I don't get lumped in with these crazies. But then I decided I'd rather be a pleasant surprise when people see I don't have pronouns in my social media bios and am mostly comfortable being a woman.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think things like this will be latched onto by insecure people pretty predictably. But take heart, plenty of people want to be the women they are, but they are not bleating on social media looking for validation or popularity. They are just living their lives. The social media echo chamber is engaged in a prolonged circle jerk and has forgotten the rest of the world.

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I recently was catching up with an old middle school friend, and it went like this:

Me: Yeah, so I grew up gay, but I'm still working on the "getting a girlfriend" part.

Her: Aah, I feel you on that! I too am queer.

I wanted to correct her on that. I'm not queer: I don't affiliate with that group, and I'm specifically homosexual and not hiding behind vagueness. But I didn't how know to phrase it without sounding aggressive. And so I didn't.

I'd bet you $10 she'd called herself "she/they" somewhere.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I started to notice how frequent this is. Sometimes I check rebloggs on my posts on Tumblr to see what's written in tags. To be fair I think everytime I saw these accounts had pronouns like they/them or she/they. I think maybe there was just a few accounts with no pronouns put... but if they had pronouns then they always were "they/them". This is very telling.