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[–]strictly 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I'm talking about sex dysphoria (not "gender dysphoria" or at least depending on how we're defining "gender" as)

I am dissatisfied with gender stuff too so it's both.

Either a dissatisfaction with your sex organs or overall sex?

I'm think most female trans people who want to be men nowadays are autoandrophilic and I'm not autoandrophilic so I don't experience the same type of sex dysphoria they do, but otherwise yes.

Did you have it before learning about transsexual/transgenders

I wanted to be a boy since I was four years old, I found out about transitioning in my teenage and trans stuff become mainstream later than that.

You are only asking about sex dysphoria but I will mention the gender stuff quickly too as it's somewhat intertwined. As a kid I saw that everything fun was associated with men and everything boring with women. My conservative parents didn't tell me women could do the fun things too, they told me I would change in puberty and start liking the boring things. I have known ever since I was a little kid that I didn't want to marry a man or have children and my parents told me that would change too in puberty. I was genuinly scared that puberty would replace me with a new person, thankfully puberty "just" changed my body in ways I hated, not the whole me.

Growing breasts and getting my period was awful. Growing body parts designed to attract men and feed babies repulsed me. I hated knowing that my menarche meant I was fertile, that the biological purpose of me was to be a baby machine. I felt so humiliated and repulsed by the purpose of my body and dressed in over-sized clothes to hide it. I have never had any desire to have a penis (not into penises) but I hated having a vagina as I knew the purpose of a vagina was for it to be penetrated by penises and pushing out the resulting babies. I also hated seeing my younger brothers growing taller and stronger than me. I hated that women were designed to be physically weaker, slower and smaller than men, it seemed extremely unfair to me. I couldn't see one single that was better about being female, it was all bad. I asked women if they knew any advantage at all about being female and they brought up all the negative stuff like the ability to get pregnant, attracting men, being weaker so men can do things for you as positives (each to their own, I still see these things as negatives). The expectation to like what I dislike just made it more humiliating, the expectation to be so stupid that one would even prefer being physically weaker.

I was a very angry child and a very angry teenager, so very very angry about the fact I had to be female when it sucked to be one. I wanted get rid of my uterus and the breasts as soon as I become an adult to give the universe the finger for giving me these humiliating body parts in the first place. I found out about transitioning so I started looking into it and initially believed in the masculine brain theory. I knew transitioning couldn't make anyone male in the real sense though but I saw females who seemed to actually believe they were somehow male and many of them didn't seem particularly masculine. Not being able acknowledge being female seemed more like wishful thinking than having the wrong brain (and I was a judgmental person at the time). The literature at the time also said most female trans people were gynephilic but many seemed to be androphilic, that too made me doubt the science. I thought of transitioning as way of becoming physically stronger, getting rid of body parts I didn't like the purpose of and passing as male so I would be treated in a way I liked better, but lying about being male seemed like a weak thing to do, like I admitting to myself I'm too weak to face reality as it is. Around that time I also started realizing I can still have a good life as human even though I am female (as everything isn't just about sex one is) and that there was no obligation to like being female just for being one.

Do you still have it?

I'm a lesbian which means I am attracted to the same body parts I don't like having so my perspective have changed to deal with that contradiction. I very much like that women exist so I naturally don't think it's humiliating for other women to be women. Even so, to be okay being female I need to feel my mind has the human freedom to dislike it. I need to have freedom to dislike having the physical capacity to get pregnant. I need to have the freedom to dislike having the physically weaker body model. Having the freedom of the mind to dislike what I dislike makes not me not angry, some things sucks things and that's okay as long I don't have to pretend to like it. The cisgender label trans people want to assign everyone with is like saying female people must not only deal with their biological reality, they must also agree to capitulate their minds and illogically love everything they hate. That makes me angry as it shouldn't be up to trans people to decide what others feel about their biology.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm think most female trans people who want to be men nowadays are autoandrophilic and I'm not autoandrophilic so I don't experience the same type of sex dysphoria they do, but otherwise yes.

Tbh, I don't even think autoandrophilic get dysphoria, they just use it as an excuse for their philia whereabouts there actual FTM (aka HSTS for ex) who do get it and thus get grouped together.

I also hated seeing my younger brothers growing taller and stronger than me. I hated that women were designed to be physically weaker, slower and smaller than men, it seemed extremely unfair to me.

Yeah, sexual dimorphism sucks... Gotta thank evolution for that. Although, I can't really relate to "gender dysphoria" or basically dissatisfaction to sex roles and masculinity/femininity being stereotypically assigned to the sexes since my mother wasn't really into that stuff (she was a tomboy growing up) but I do get the dislike that females seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to dimorphism. I did want a penis, but that was mostly related to same-sex relationships. Obviously, two women can't get each other pregnant (regardless of whatever bs TRAs spew), so that caused me dysphoria because at times, I do believe I would like to have children. I want to be in the "male role" as to not experience pregnancy and such. Also, the roles placed on fathers seemed cooler or at least "nicer" even though it does vary in cultures.

masculine brain theory

Can't really say I belive that a "masculine brain" or "feminine brain" exists, but I do lean towards male and female brains exists.

I'm a lesbian which means I am attracted to the same body parts I don't like having so my perspective have changed to deal with that contradiction. I very much like that women exist so I naturally don't think it's humiliating for other women to be women. Even so, to be okay being female I need to feel my mind has the human freedom to dislike it. I need to have freedom to dislike having the physical capacity to get pregnant. I need to have the freedom to dislike having the physically weaker body model.

Not lesbian, but I think that's how I am more now. I like other women, but when it comes to me? It's a different story, but I am sure this is where it starts differing. For one of my relationships, where I was the "male," my partner was quite okay with pretending that I was male. I'm not gonna say she was 100% enabling it (I mean could be seen as she was but I'm pretty sure, from her perspective, she was just trying to help) but that fueled it.

cisgender label trans people want to assign everyone

Funny enough, the only people I seen use that were the more recent crowd but that just might be my experience. I don't see the HSTS/old school transsexuals calling others that. Just the more modern and TRAs do it.

Overall, I think sex dysorphia, puberty, mental illness, etc. just fucked up my shit during my childhood (I don't know if I consider sex dysorphia in itself a mental illness, i think there'll be parts people don't like of themselves, I think when it gets extreme is when it can be labeled as such).

Edit: words

[–]strictly 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Tbh, I don't even think autoandrophilic get dysphoria

I am talking about the subgroup of autoandrophilic females who transition. Most autoandrophilic females are not sex dysphoric, like most homosexuals are not sex dysphoric. But if we are talking about HSTS (homosexual transsexuals) and AAPTS (autoandrophilic transsexuals) I think both groups are generally dysphoric (but as transitioning gains popularity then both groups will start transitioning at lower levels of dysphoria). I have talked to autoandrophilic females who seem quite dysphoric due to their their autoandrophilia though. When someone has a strong form of autoandrophilia it can create a strong longing to be male and strong sadness due to not being one so I’m not going to dismiss their pain as less real.

It does annoy me a bit when autoandrophilic females think only autoandrophilic dysphoria is real dysphoria though. But as they are the majority they mostly hear about autoandrophilic dysphoria and think other types of dysphoria sound strange. Most are not aware of their autoandrophilia either and think that's just how a “male gender identity” is supposed feel like and mistakenly think all males feel the same way they do regarding maleness.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah, I get you! Yeah, I too have noticed that majority of the time.

honestly, I'm surprised I haven't had someone tell me I was secretly a transman for my dysphoria. Alongside "nb" for my androgynous nature.