Anyone here experience sex dysphoria?

submitted by BiHorror from self.LGBDropTheT

I'm talking about sex dysphoria (not "gender dysphoria" or at least depending on how we're defining "gender" as)... Either a dissatisfaction with your sex organs or overall sex? Did you have it before learning about transsexual/transgenders or did you develop it after? Other reasons? Do you still have it? (And if not, what's some advice for those who still do?)

As for me: I had it prior to learning about TS/TGs, and it after learning, just drove it in further. I can't exactly pin point where it started, the closest being after I started puberty. I was pretty much (still am) an androgynous child, so when the physical changes started happening, I'm pretty sure that's what mainly contributed to it. There's other bits such as sexuality, able of holding same-sex attraction, but I don't want to get too into it unless people wanna ask me. As for if I still have it? Meh.

Edit: words

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[–]HelloMomo 13 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

I did for a couple years around puberty. If you want to know more, I've written a whole blog post about it https://moessays.wordpress.com/2020/10/31/that-time-i-was-dysphoric/ But the short version is that my body up and changed on me and that felt like a betrayal, and it took several years to settle back into my body after that. But I did settle back into my body; I don't have dysphoria anymore, and haven't for years.

Advice:

  1. Don't dwell on it. Get on with the business of living, don't obsess over it. I know quarantine makes this harder. But if you're seriously dysphoric at present, I'm not sure that being on this forum is the best thing for you at the moment? Because it makes you think about this stuff. You don't have to spend your internet time on something like this. If you fall down the youtube wood-turning video rabbit hole, or something else like that, it might help you not have this so present in your mind?
  2. Manual labor. I think dysphoria might in some ways be just one piece of a much larger cultural problem of disassociation with our bodies. We spend too much time online were we're little avatar pictures. So many people work office jobs. I don't have much personal experience with this, but a lot of other people speak very highly of doing hard physical labor with your body, and say it really helped them combat dysphoria.
  3. CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Dysphoria is often basically intrusive thoughts of a self-loathing variety, and CBT helps you identify them. It's not about suppressing those thoughts, but letting them pass by without giving them too much significance or treating them as literally true.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 12 insightful - 5 fun12 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

A lot of women have body dysmorphia during puberty. I think I know less women who were liking their changes in body during puberty than ones who hated it.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

Just wanted to say these are great suggestions, especially the CBT recommendation.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 7 insightful - 6 fun7 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 6 fun -  (3 children)

I was skimming through and took a double take on CBT as a response to body dysphoria. Really unfortunate that acronym is shared by two such radically different things.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

What is the second thing it stands for? I thought it was just cognitive behavioral therapy?

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Cock and Ball torture. My mind was in the gutter when I read this thread, I suppose.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh man that's gross! XD I guess I am more innocent than I thought!

[–]strictly 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I'm talking about sex dysphoria (not "gender dysphoria" or at least depending on how we're defining "gender" as)

I am dissatisfied with gender stuff too so it's both.

Either a dissatisfaction with your sex organs or overall sex?

I'm think most female trans people who want to be men nowadays are autoandrophilic and I'm not autoandrophilic so I don't experience the same type of sex dysphoria they do, but otherwise yes.

Did you have it before learning about transsexual/transgenders

I wanted to be a boy since I was four years old, I found out about transitioning in my teenage and trans stuff become mainstream later than that.

You are only asking about sex dysphoria but I will mention the gender stuff quickly too as it's somewhat intertwined. As a kid I saw that everything fun was associated with men and everything boring with women. My conservative parents didn't tell me women could do the fun things too, they told me I would change in puberty and start liking the boring things. I have known ever since I was a little kid that I didn't want to marry a man or have children and my parents told me that would change too in puberty. I was genuinly scared that puberty would replace me with a new person, thankfully puberty "just" changed my body in ways I hated, not the whole me.

Growing breasts and getting my period was awful. Growing body parts designed to attract men and feed babies repulsed me. I hated knowing that my menarche meant I was fertile, that the biological purpose of me was to be a baby machine. I felt so humiliated and repulsed by the purpose of my body and dressed in over-sized clothes to hide it. I have never had any desire to have a penis (not into penises) but I hated having a vagina as I knew the purpose of a vagina was for it to be penetrated by penises and pushing out the resulting babies. I also hated seeing my younger brothers growing taller and stronger than me. I hated that women were designed to be physically weaker, slower and smaller than men, it seemed extremely unfair to me. I couldn't see one single that was better about being female, it was all bad. I asked women if they knew any advantage at all about being female and they brought up all the negative stuff like the ability to get pregnant, attracting men, being weaker so men can do things for you as positives (each to their own, I still see these things as negatives). The expectation to like what I dislike just made it more humiliating, the expectation to be so stupid that one would even prefer being physically weaker.

I was a very angry child and a very angry teenager, so very very angry about the fact I had to be female when it sucked to be one. I wanted get rid of my uterus and the breasts as soon as I become an adult to give the universe the finger for giving me these humiliating body parts in the first place. I found out about transitioning so I started looking into it and initially believed in the masculine brain theory. I knew transitioning couldn't make anyone male in the real sense though but I saw females who seemed to actually believe they were somehow male and many of them didn't seem particularly masculine. Not being able acknowledge being female seemed more like wishful thinking than having the wrong brain (and I was a judgmental person at the time). The literature at the time also said most female trans people were gynephilic but many seemed to be androphilic, that too made me doubt the science. I thought of transitioning as way of becoming physically stronger, getting rid of body parts I didn't like the purpose of and passing as male so I would be treated in a way I liked better, but lying about being male seemed like a weak thing to do, like I admitting to myself I'm too weak to face reality as it is. Around that time I also started realizing I can still have a good life as human even though I am female (as everything isn't just about sex one is) and that there was no obligation to like being female just for being one.

Do you still have it?

I'm a lesbian which means I am attracted to the same body parts I don't like having so my perspective have changed to deal with that contradiction. I very much like that women exist so I naturally don't think it's humiliating for other women to be women. Even so, to be okay being female I need to feel my mind has the human freedom to dislike it. I need to have freedom to dislike having the physical capacity to get pregnant. I need to have the freedom to dislike having the physically weaker body model. Having the freedom of the mind to dislike what I dislike makes not me not angry, some things sucks things and that's okay as long I don't have to pretend to like it. The cisgender label trans people want to assign everyone with is like saying female people must not only deal with their biological reality, they must also agree to capitulate their minds and illogically love everything they hate. That makes me angry as it shouldn't be up to trans people to decide what others feel about their biology.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Growing breasts and getting my period was awful. Growing body parts designed to attract men and feed babies repulsed me. I hated knowing that my menarche meant I was fertile, that the biological purpose of me was to be a baby machine. I felt so humiliated and repulsed by the purpose of my body and dressed in over-sized clothes to hide it. I have never had any desire to have a penis (not into penises) but I hated having a vagina as I knew the purpose of a vagina was for it to be penetrated by penises and pushing out the resulting babies. I also hated seeing my younger brothers growing taller and stronger than me. I hated that women were designed to be physically weaker, slower and smaller than men, it seemed extremely unfair to me. I couldn't see one single that was better about being female, it was all bad. I asked women if they knew any advantage at all about being female and they brought up all the negative stuff like the ability to get pregnant, attracting men, being weaker so men can do things for you as positives (each to their own, I still see these things as negatives). The expectation to like what I dislike just made it more humiliating, the expectation to be so stupid that one would even prefer being physically weaker.

It's terrifying how much I can relate to this. It's basically my thoughts written down when I was a teen. I still try to cope with it and just accept it as what it is. I mean I'd love to have all physical qualities all men have but it's funny it's something what today's transitioning can't provide. If it could without making me just a weird amalgamation of female features with some added male features then maybe I'd consider it....

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm think most female trans people who want to be men nowadays are autoandrophilic and I'm not autoandrophilic so I don't experience the same type of sex dysphoria they do, but otherwise yes.

Tbh, I don't even think autoandrophilic get dysphoria, they just use it as an excuse for their philia whereabouts there actual FTM (aka HSTS for ex) who do get it and thus get grouped together.

I also hated seeing my younger brothers growing taller and stronger than me. I hated that women were designed to be physically weaker, slower and smaller than men, it seemed extremely unfair to me.

Yeah, sexual dimorphism sucks... Gotta thank evolution for that. Although, I can't really relate to "gender dysphoria" or basically dissatisfaction to sex roles and masculinity/femininity being stereotypically assigned to the sexes since my mother wasn't really into that stuff (she was a tomboy growing up) but I do get the dislike that females seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to dimorphism. I did want a penis, but that was mostly related to same-sex relationships. Obviously, two women can't get each other pregnant (regardless of whatever bs TRAs spew), so that caused me dysphoria because at times, I do believe I would like to have children. I want to be in the "male role" as to not experience pregnancy and such. Also, the roles placed on fathers seemed cooler or at least "nicer" even though it does vary in cultures.

masculine brain theory

Can't really say I belive that a "masculine brain" or "feminine brain" exists, but I do lean towards male and female brains exists.

I'm a lesbian which means I am attracted to the same body parts I don't like having so my perspective have changed to deal with that contradiction. I very much like that women exist so I naturally don't think it's humiliating for other women to be women. Even so, to be okay being female I need to feel my mind has the human freedom to dislike it. I need to have freedom to dislike having the physical capacity to get pregnant. I need to have the freedom to dislike having the physically weaker body model.

Not lesbian, but I think that's how I am more now. I like other women, but when it comes to me? It's a different story, but I am sure this is where it starts differing. For one of my relationships, where I was the "male," my partner was quite okay with pretending that I was male. I'm not gonna say she was 100% enabling it (I mean could be seen as she was but I'm pretty sure, from her perspective, she was just trying to help) but that fueled it.

cisgender label trans people want to assign everyone

Funny enough, the only people I seen use that were the more recent crowd but that just might be my experience. I don't see the HSTS/old school transsexuals calling others that. Just the more modern and TRAs do it.

Overall, I think sex dysorphia, puberty, mental illness, etc. just fucked up my shit during my childhood (I don't know if I consider sex dysorphia in itself a mental illness, i think there'll be parts people don't like of themselves, I think when it gets extreme is when it can be labeled as such).

Edit: words

[–]strictly 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Tbh, I don't even think autoandrophilic get dysphoria

I am talking about the subgroup of autoandrophilic females who transition. Most autoandrophilic females are not sex dysphoric, like most homosexuals are not sex dysphoric. But if we are talking about HSTS (homosexual transsexuals) and AAPTS (autoandrophilic transsexuals) I think both groups are generally dysphoric (but as transitioning gains popularity then both groups will start transitioning at lower levels of dysphoria). I have talked to autoandrophilic females who seem quite dysphoric due to their their autoandrophilia though. When someone has a strong form of autoandrophilia it can create a strong longing to be male and strong sadness due to not being one so I’m not going to dismiss their pain as less real.

It does annoy me a bit when autoandrophilic females think only autoandrophilic dysphoria is real dysphoria though. But as they are the majority they mostly hear about autoandrophilic dysphoria and think other types of dysphoria sound strange. Most are not aware of their autoandrophilia either and think that's just how a “male gender identity” is supposed feel like and mistakenly think all males feel the same way they do regarding maleness.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah, I get you! Yeah, I too have noticed that majority of the time.

honestly, I'm surprised I haven't had someone tell me I was secretly a transman for my dysphoria. Alongside "nb" for my androgynous nature.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

No, but I do experience "gender dysphoria." I hate being masculine in any way and am actually very uncomfortable if someone tries to force me into it. I have no desire to be "The man" in terms of social roles.

[–]BiHorror[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah. I can somewhat relate, although the sex dysphoria was higher compared to dislike to sex roles and femininity/masculinity. I do think I wanted to be "the man" in sex roles in the past. Still kinda do.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had a kind of dysphoria during young age, I was around 10-12 years old, I think, mostly because of social pressure - world around was heterosexual, homosexuality was banned under iron curtain, everyone was saying that only girls can like boys, and that girls have different biology than boys - so I thought I am a girl, as I like boys, and that my biology must be different too (I did not know difference between our biology back then, but wanted female one, as I thought that only with it I could like boys). It slowly was going away, and I think at around age of 15 it was completely gone.

[–]homosomes 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. I think it's actually pretty common among homosexuals to feel sex dysphoria, which is why we see a lot of lesbians identifying as trans. Most of my dysphoria stems from the fact that I'm a lesbian.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The only sex dysphoria I have is related to the fact I'm physically capable of pregnancy. The idea of being pregnant puts me in a huge distress and if I am pregnant for real I'll be legit suicidal. I hate the idea of motherhood. I want the role reversed so I can take a role of a father instead. I know it's weird but it's my desire... but I can't explain why I am like this. But I never considered myself trans because of it. I see no reason to surgerical alter my body just to be on a different parent role than it's expected from me. I don't really have to worry about pregnancy since sex doesn't even interest me. On the other hand I don't feel any distress about periods though when I got the first one I felt very upset.

[–]BiHorror[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I want the role reversed so I can take a role of a father instead. I know it's weird but it's my desire...

Alongside dislike to pregnancy, maybe it also has to do with the sex roles?

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Definitely. I really hate sex roles.

[–]BiHorror[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same. Unfortunately, I don't think they're gonna disappear for a very long time. But maybe that's just me being pessimistic about it too.

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I think so, although I haven't reflected on it much. I was deeply uncomfortable with the changes to my body around puberty and still am even though it's been years. Probably something that I could benefit from reflecting more on, lol.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If considering my uterus as unnecessary and wishing I could have it removed ever since my mom got hers removed (when I was around 16), wanting a penis BADLY, and wanting to be a guy (not in a gender role sense, but in an 'I want a male body' sense) is sex dysphoria, then yes.

These feelings weren't constant and they ebbed and flowed a lot, but the older I got and the more doctors wanted to prioritize my fertility over my well being when I came to them with heavy, painful periods as well as a family history of endometriosis and adenomyosis the more I grew to hate my female anatomy. I never wanted kids. I don't want to be pregnant. If I could scoop out my uterus with a melon baller I would.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If considering my uterus as unnecessary and wishing I could have it removed ever since my mom got hers removed (when I was around 16), wanting a penis BADLY, and wanting to be a guy (not in a gender role sense, but in an 'I want a male body' sense) is sex dysphoria, then yes.

Yeah, I understand that completely. Wanting a penis and male body (at least getting my breasts chopped off) were those things. Most definitely when it came to understanding that if I'm in a same-sex relationship, we won't be able to have children.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Not really. I tried to cure myself of homosexuality for a few of my teen years before I gave up (I became aware at about 12-13), but it never manifested as me feeling mismatched with/wanting to change my body at all.

I never really felt like peoples sex should have any significant sway on who they are or what they're capable of/allowed to do, so it never even really occurred to me that it should be changed, because both boys and girls can do or be whatever they want. It just didn't apply to me myself for a while because I was around plenty of Christians as a child and was convinced I'd burn in hell forever.

[–]cure_osa_disorder 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I suffer from racial dysphoria. I'm an Ashkenazi Jew, but inside I'm Black, although some days I feel Chinese. If a man can be a woman, why should white people be locked into whiteness forever? There is no convincing argument to support one and reject the other.

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Uh huh... I don't someone can be black on the inside though? It's just DNA/phenotypes. Maybe if you're basing it on stereotypes.

Also, no one here (unless you're using this to refer to TRAs) is saying women can be men and vice versa, just talking about sex dysphoria, why they have it, and advice for some who still have it.

[–]cure_osa_disorder 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Also, no one here (unless you're using this to refer to TRAs) is saying women can be men and vice versa, just talking about sex dysphoria, why they have it, and advice for some who still have it.

I wasn't trying to imply that. But why is that mentality tolerated regarding sex and not race?

[–]BiHorror[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know? Maybe because dissatisfaction to sex can be related to multiple things? While "race/ethnicity dysphoria" would be more due to racism/specific anti-ethnicities. Someone can't really just "feel black" on the inside, that's usually due to stereotypes, but someone can have a great dislike to their genitals due to puberty and the way their sex group is treated by society.

Someone can't feel like a female/male on the inside either but the way they feel (and what some would contributed how they "know/feel on the inside" but that's incorrect) via some of the reasons I stated above. Ex: Someone who doesn't like their genitals might think that's what it feels to be the opposite sex, but in reality, it's not but might be caused due to puberty, sexuality, society's expectations, etc.