Nohope comments on Does any other lesbian or gay men feels this way?

RantDoes any other lesbian or gay men feels this way?

submitted 3 years ago by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (20 children)

You say, something like, "I know how you feel. I have felt this way before too. I'm sorry you're feeling like this." And then you let them cry and vent about it. Then you offer some encouraging words. Then they feel better.

If you seriously believe that by being told "I know how you feel, I have felt this way before, I'm sorry", all the bad feelings self-hating gay people have are going to fly out of them, then I don't know what to tell you. Let's take you and OP. You vented here, OP vented, and you exchanged "I know how you feel so sorry you feel this way" for a few hours with the other people you interacted with. Are you two going to stop being self-hating after this? Or is it that all this venting, your feelings being acknowledged, and being told "I'm sorry you feel bad!" may momentarily work but will be useless in the next few days? How many times have you vented and gotten your feelings acknowledged before? If you have done this before, and came for more, I can guarantee you will soon have to have another venting session in reality, if not online.

I have seen depressed and self-hating people, more than I can count, they operate the same way. They go: Vents -> Feels fine for a few days at max -> Goes back to feeling bad, needing their feelings to be acknowledged and venting yet again as though the previous venting session and getting their feelings acknowledged never happened

Self-hating people suck all the energy out of the people they get sympathy from, and not only do they come back more self-hating than ever but also leave others drained. They are self-destructive and destroy those who want to help them.

Why that is, is because self-loathing is not rational. The self-hater denies the very thing needed for them to improve (self-love), and so trying to help them improve and change fails most times.

Even if telling self-hating gay people to "stop being self-hating" isn't going to fix them, acknowledging the feelings of self-hating gay people isn't a solution and isn't going to fix them either. So I will stick to "stop being self-hating".

About me. I lost someone I cared about, but what I needed wasn't "honey I'm so sorry, I understand you". Most of the people saying that were not being genuine and didn't care. What I needed was to remember her and the memories we shared, not cry over having lost her. It happened, as saddening as it was. I needed a smack on the head to get up and get out of it stronger, not stay in bed for days and get upset, cry, and vent, those would do nothing.

Whoever here hates themselves more because of something I said, raise your hands!

Wow! Such a reliable way to get the stats! The results are totally not going to be skewed, and will be 100% reliable! /s

Are you sure I'm boring you? You seem to be enjoy this.

Hmm. True, if you were completely boring, I would have left already. That I haven't yet, means I enjoyed you

[+][deleted] 3 years ago (19 children)

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[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (18 children)

the OP has already told you that she doesn't hate herself

Riiiiiight, that's why she gets depressed over not being straight (not understanding what liking guys is like) and instead being different. She totally does not hate herself, not at all. /s

And I have already told you that my own bouts of self-hatred are a symptom of a mental disorder for which I am currently being treated by a licensed therapist. And yes, it actually has helped.

Which means you didn't have to waste time talking to random strangers online, and could have saved up the energy for the next session with your professional therapist to fix your issues faster.

Glad the emotional pros*itution that sucks money out of people's pockets and puts some "professional" who without the money wouldn't even bother in there to offer empty platitudes- I meant therapy worked out for you though.

The depressed people I know and have talked to couldn't fix their issues with therapy, and I came up with that long name to describe therapy after a while, but it's good it worked for you.

So? This what everyone does. People meet up with their friends to bitch about their jobs, their families, their obligations, then they feel better. It is a very healthy way to release pent up emotion.

Clearly not everyone because my sister is quiet af and doesn't go bi-ching about her issues every few days, she vents one time, and then vents about a whole year later and that seems to be a healthier way of getting it out of her system. What is bi-ching about some issue every few days going to do if the issue itself is not solved?

This is why it's important for depressed and self-hating people to have access to mental health services.

I think most are beyond repair, but sure

Nothing OP said sucked the energy out of me. And you had every right to simply not offer your sympathy and move on to a different thread. You chose to engage and waste all your energy arguing with me, instead.

Of course it didn't suck any energy out of you, you both already agree with each other. Birds of a feather flock together, why would a self-hater suck the energy out of another self-hater

Also true, I chose to engage, but I had nothing else to do. Staring at the wall got boring.

Did it occur to you that different people have different needs and different ways of grieving? Has it yet occurred to that it's ok for people to not be you and to express their emotions in a different way? Do you simply assume because something works for you, it must work for everyone? You are going to have a difficult time relating to other people if you operate under these assumptions.

You can have your way of grieving. I just don't see how staying in bed all day, crying and venting for days are going to help. Venting a few times I can understand, but not for days, and I can not relate, no. I can't relate to most people.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago (8 children)

I don't get depressed over not being straight. I get depressed over not having, ever, anyone to relate to completely. As I'm surrounded my straight girls usually, I have a wish that I could understand them better so that I could feel like I belonged better there. I don't hate the fact that I'm gay. I hate the fact that I'm different from most people that I interact with because they don't get my attraction towards women as we live in a heteronormative society and basically all my friends are either (straight) females or feminine gay men. If I met lesbians like me to relate, I would feel much happier. That would be the perfect scenario actually. But we all know I can't find lesbians in a blink of an eye, so there's my frustration. So, for the 10000000x time, no, I don't hate myself, and I wished you respected what I said as you want other people to respect what you say and not assume things about you. You're cocky, insensitive AND a hypocrite. Kisses 😘

[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (7 children)

You're cocky, insensitive AND a hypocrite.

Nope, you're just incapable of expressing yourself better. When I read your post, and comments, you were all "I'm so jealous of straight girls, I want to understand what it's like to like a guy ugh", and "I hate being different". Of course I would reach the natural conclusion that you hate being gay and wish you were straight. I'm just saying what you said, or at least the only thing I could get from everything you said before this comment. That's not an assumption.

You should have just said this same thing you're saying now in this comment in your own post. There would be no misunderstandings otherwise.

I don't know which country you are in. But there are ways to meet with lesbians. Apps would work. And maybe bars, if you're 18+. But if you're not comfortable with those places, and if you're in a country where you can't easily find bars, and people on apps, then there is another option which is looking for lesbians in school, parks, etc. The difficult part will be asking around though, and I'm not sure how you're going to get past this difficult part.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago (6 children)

[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (5 children)

Yes, because I am right, duh. And no, notice how most of the commenters actually say they hate themselves for being gay. Not sorry to say this, you don't get to say "I don't appreciate being gay, and I'm not proud of being gay. I just accept it". You literally don't accept it when you can't appreciate it for what it is. You're just tolerating it, which is different from acceptance.

Tolerance means there always remains that little voice that says "if only I weren't gay/different"

Tolerance does not inherently appear with understanding and appreciation. It's like I can tolerate some insects in my house like ants, but still when I encounter them I don't appreciate them and feel like I should get rid of them.

Acceptance comes with approval and appreciation. It comes with satisfaction of oneself. And you don't appreciate being gay, and you're not satisfied with it so stop with all the contradictory statements.

By the way, the first top comment is from our usual homophobe VigorousTaintMassage who says he, just like you, is not proud of being gay and sees himself as a "freak". Nice word choice, the only times I see gay people being called "freaks" is by homophobes. Please stop playing around. It's either 1) you are incapable of expressing yourself, or 2) you know I figured you out, so you keep contradicting yourself to make yourself look better.

VigorousTaintMassage:

I kind of get it, but I don't feel proud either. I know I will always be different and society will see me as a "failed male", but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Acceptance doesn't equal appreciation.

I don't do "pride", I don't get gay culture and in-jokes, and I don't have a boyfriend nor do I hook up. So I think I'll always be a "freak among freaks" if that makes any sense

You:

This could have been written by me omggg... I also feel like a "freak among freaks". I also don't do pride, and don't get gay culture. Like I'm just a regular woman. Just because I'm gay it doesnt mean I need to have rainbow stuff all over my bedroom idk... And you're absolutely right - acceptance doesn't eqauk appreciation. I guess that's the way I feel about my homosexuality... Thank you for your message, for real.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (4 children)

Yes and this is because all the gay representation I see or many gay people I meet is usually people who are obsessed with gay culture, have rainbows all over the place etc etc lmao. What I mean by that is that I'd like to meet other gay people like me. And that person sounds similar to me. Basically my point is that I want people to relate to and it's been hard to find people to relate to so I feel constantly odd. So have you finally get it this time? Lmaaaaaaao.

And no, you didn't "figure myself out". Quite the opposite - you keep assuming lots of things about me when you know nothing about me, interpreting badly my words and then getting insulted when people assume things about you. Hypocrite. But I've already said it ha.

Acceptance is being okay with being gay. I'm okay with being gay. And wrong, acceptance doesn't necessarily mean "appreciation". For example, you worked hard for an important exam. You failed. You get sad over it, until it comes a point you accept the fact you failed the exam and need to try again. It doesn't necessarily mean you appreciate the fact you failed the exam.........

And no, definitely not the homophobes are the only ones who call people "freaks" lmao. Are you done? Can you just leave us all alone or do you enjoy draining everyone's energy when you're bored?

[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (3 children)

As I said, you are incapable of explaining yourself. Even if I'm "assuming", the only thing I "assumed" was you hating yourself for being gay which I concluded from your post and comments, whereas you falsely assumed that I never went through anything difficult and grew up in an accepting environment eventhough I left no texts before about my past that you could misunderstand and get that conclusion from. You just made that up out of thin air, which is far worse. At least my so-called "assumption" of you hating your being gay comes from your own texts that you left everywhere.

When on this earth did I "assume" anything about you besides you hating yourself for being gay? Hmm? Explain this "you assume lots of things about me", because there's this one thing I "assumed" which is the only thing I can get from your posts and comments indicating you hate being gay, and nothing else to account for "lots".

And wrong, acceptance doesn't necessarily mean "appreciation". For example, you worked hard for an important exam. You failed. You get sad over it, until it comes a point you accept the fact you failed the exam and need to try again. It doesn't necessarily mean you appreciate the fact you failed the exam.........

I think that's just tolerance. If I work hard, fail an exam, and get over it, I'm merely tolerating my grade and the fact that I failed the exam. That's not acceptance. Acceptance comes with appreciation.

And no, definitely not the homophobes are the only ones who call people "freaks" lmao.

Only homophobes call gay people freaks. gay people. Freak means weird, homophobes like calling gay people weird, which is why they use gay to mean weird as well. "That's so gay" when they think something is weird, and wrong which is homophobic.

Acceptance is being okay with being gay. I'm okay with being gay.

Acceptance comes with approving of and appreciating being gay, and you said in your comments you don't appreciate being gay, and when you say you're proud, you are just not ashamed of it anymore. How on this earth is that acceptance?

who are obsessed with gay culture, have rainbows all over the place etc

Yeah well, I don't blame them, they are doing everything they can to show they like being gay.

And that person sounds similar to me.

Riiiight, VigorousTainMassage, the homophobe that hates being gay, sounds just like you. And that doesn't mean you are homophobic /s

do you enjoy draining everyone's energy when you're bored?

Not draining, just having conversations with someone is nice when I'm bored. And if you feel drained, you can leave

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago (2 children)

continue this thread

[+][deleted] 3 years ago (8 children)

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[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (7 children)

so you have plenty of time to learn the hard way.

In your dreams. I learned to have no tolerance for anyone that gets in the way of my goals and objectives the hard way. Even if beaten and stoned, I'm not going to let anyone stop me from being the wonderful way that I am.

I don't imagine that will serve you well in life

Quite the opposite. Honesty, being true to myself and my objectives, and not acting like I care about others when I don't have served quite well for me.

but you sound young

Same old ageism. The vast majority of 20+ year olds (as in 20 to 80 or whatever age a human gets to be around year olds) believe in their imaginary "god" and/or "soul" and don't use their brain for anything beyond being a robot that follows the herd in society and does as it is told. Sleep, get up, go to work, pop kids out and brainwash them by certain psychological techniques so they start liking the corrupt society, repeat. That's all they do.

Just because one is older, doesn't mean they know more than those younger than them. The majority of adults may have more experience with working bloody hours in an office somewhere, but that's all there is to it. Also, the brain deteriorates as one gets older, just as other body parts deteriorate, so at the ripe ages of youth, one is more likely to learn about reality faster, and understand where they are wrong to change their minds, etc. Whereas the older people most times refuse to learn about reality, and rarely change their minds even when the truth is right in front of them.

In any conversation we atheists had, more and more 10-18 year olds listened to us talking about the contradictions within the bible and the Quran, and became atheists, whereas most adults went around in circles and refused to understand they are wrong.

Again, just because one is older, doesn't mean they are smart, nor does it mean they know more. They don't.

I and a few others I know of are just a rarity among the 20+ year olds in the world that know better, and will not follow the herd.

so you think people who struggle with mental health issues are "beyond repair" and the medical professionals trained to help them are pure quacks

I don't believe therapy really helps for most depressed, or self-hating individuals. A "professional" is sent there to say things the depressed or self-hating individuals already know and don’t have the motivation or energy to execute. "Think positive", "focus on breathing", "exercise", "find time to do things you enjoy". Even I could say these things. They are told "get help". There is no help. Only the depressed and self-haying individuals can help themselves, and they refuse to bother with it, at least most times.

It's good therapy somehow worked on you though.

I'm going to go celebrate the holiday with my family now. Best wishes.

Hmm, we don't celebrate that here, but have fun I guess. Say hi to your family for me. And happy holidays.

[+][deleted] 3 years ago (6 children)

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[–]Nohope 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (5 children)

with more life experience

Because having existed for a few more years, which is called "life" experience, means older people are so smart /s

If having more "life" experience meant being wiser and smarter, then the majority of adults wouldn't be religious, nor would they be following the mob like some robot that is programmed to be a certain way. That's not the case sadly, most adults are less intelligent than literal 12 year olds. I mean, at the age of 10 I knew that there's no such a thing as a "god" or a "soul", and wanted to go against the mob mentality

While you see most adults following the herd with no questions asked, and popping out kids one after another in the name of their imaginary friend, just so they would brainwash them and increase the number of the adherents of their religion (that's the whole reason behind their "be fruitful and multiply", to increase their numbers in the most pathetic way possible. They know they can't increase their numbers via rational discussions, because their beliefs are nonsense. So they resort to becoming baby factories).

They're less intelligent than a 10 year old.

Just because older people existed longer, and worked boring jobs, doesn't make them smarter than those younger than them.

And if you can't get this then you're just proving my point, eh.

This isn't what my therapist tells me to do. Most of this advice is useless and shallow. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of shitty therapists out there and I had to go through a couple to find the one I have now. She was the first one to diagnose me correctly and get at the root of everything.

I guess it depends on the reasons why someone is depressed for instance. Someone could be depressed because they have financial issues, can't stand university because it's just not for them but their family makes them attend uni even if they don't want to, etc. Therapy for these people is useless, and a waste of time. They may talk and talk about their financial issues, their hating uni, etc, but after leaving the therapy sessions - the issues are still there as always and the therapists can do nothing to solve them, so there's no way to end the cycle of depression.

For the depressed people who are bullied, in homophobic environments, etc, I don't see how therapy helps them when they are still bullied or in homophobic environments, only after the bullies are stopped, and they are given assistance to run away from their homophobic environments, the therapy could help them a bit.

But I think the depressed and self-hating individuals should be willing to change and be helped first. No amount of therapy can help someone that does not want to be helped.

Thank you

😊

Don't know how to feel about the new years, only 5 days left to 2021 and I wish the year wouldn't end so fast, time really flies 😩

[+][deleted] 3 years ago (4 children)

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[–]Nohope 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - 3 years ago* (3 children)

Because atheism has to do with basic intelligence, and the understanding of the burden of proof which is literally the core of logic and what the legal system of every country ever operates on (e.g. innocent until proven guilty, when there is no evidence, innocence is presumed because of the burden of proof). When there is no evidence, non-existence of "god" and "soul" is presumed and the default is disbelief because of the burden of proof. But religious people don't understand such a simple thing. They lack the basics of logic and intelligence.

Someone with a ton of work experience believing in things that don't exist (e.g. "god", "soul", "after life") isn't actually smart or intelligent, if I ever saw a 40-50 year old "physicist" believing in santa caluse, fairies or whatever I would laugh at them and wouldn't be able to take them seriously anymore, same with people with a ton of "work experience" that believe in a "god", "soul" or whatever. And that's basically most adults.

You were mocking me when you said "yes you are smarter and wiser than older people who have more "life" experience", you meant I'm not wiser than them, and my point was just because the older people have more "life" experience doesn't mean they are smart and bright, most of them are not smart, and one of the reasons is most of them are religious.

Most people who dish out the money for therapy want to be helped. It's expensive and I have to pay for it out of my own pocket.

Hope that's true.

I love her more than myself and, even at my lowest point, I want to live for her sake. She wants to grow old with me, which means I need to stick around a while.

I got to admit, this line makes a perfect nice romance novel. Two girls love each other, one is depressed, and wants to end it, but loves this other girl too much and goes on just because the other wants her to stay around for a bit longer.

Really? This year was terrible. I can't wait for it to be over.

Well I don't know about you, but I loved the pandemic. When I saw the fear on other people's faces, I just got my popcorn and watched the drama unfold.

[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children)

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