Why don't I just go find a rape victim and tell her that she's weak piece of shit for feeling sad about being raped? Are people not allowed to grieve their pain anymore?

Sigh. False equivalence fallacy. When you tell gay people it's fine for them to hate being gay because they were discriminated against for it, it's like telling rape victims it's fine for them to hate themselves for being raped and think of themselves as "broken", etc.

Telling a rape victim it's okay for them to hate that they were raped is like telling gay people that were discriminated against that it's fine for them to hate being discriminated against. Both of those are okay.

But it's not okay to tell rape victims "it's fine to hate yourself for being raped!" just as it's not okay to tell gay people "it's fine to hate being gay because you were discriminated against for it and homophobes make things hard for you!", both of those are victim blaming.

Rape victims that hate themselves for being raped and think of themselves as "dirty", "broken", etc should be told not to hate themselves. You're not going to fix anything by telling them that it's fine for them to blame and hate themselves.

Gay people who have been discriminated against and hate being gay should be told there is nothing wrong with being different/gay and they should not hate being gay/different just because they were discriminated against for it. That's not victim blaming, it's literally the opposite of victim blaming.