RantDoes any other lesbian or gay men feels this way?

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]Nohope 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

All I get from this post and the comments is not even gay people accept themselves, and even when they think they do they still harbor some resentment towards being different from straight people and are jealous of straight people which means they are not fully accepting of their attraction. That's sad.

Are all the people in the LGBDropTheT circle like this? I thought the circle dropped the T because the T is homophobic, but here I see gay people being homophobic towards themselves, even if it's not towards other gay people. I saw the same thing in the LGBDropTheT on reddit that is not there anymore. I don't think one can criticize the T for being homophobic, when they are homophobic themselves.

I don't agree with the T and agree with dropping it. I just don't think I belong to this circle if the people in it have internalized homophobia.

I don't want to upset you OP and the others, I just am surprised to see posts like yours and comments like this. I can not relate to you and others. I am proud and never felt ashamed of being a lesbian, and not being able to understand girls that "like" boys, or boys that "like" girls. I don't wish to understand them, and see no point in it. I am me, they are them. I put the time you put on being upset over not being able to understand straight girls and straight boys, on trying to understand myself, "what makes me happy today", "what should I do to overcome the boredom now", etc.

I never thought of being different as a bad thing either, but a good thing. Being like the others is boring, and I can't stand it. Imagine a salad that is all just lettuce, and nothing else. That's like what you want, when you want to be like the others, everyone being straight. But I don't understand you. There should be some diversity in the salad. There should be other ingredients to give it color, such as tomatoes, cabbage, bell peppers, etc. There should be something else or it's boring and I can't even look at it.

And the other ingredients are the gay people, exactly what we need to give everything color, and make things not boring.

But yeah, if you want to continue feeling the way you do, then no matter what I say I won't be able to help you.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I never thought of being different as a bad thing either, but a good thing. Being like the others is boring, and I can't stand it.

So this is our main difference between us. I'm the exact opposite of you. I NEVER wanted to be different. I hate being the "center" of attention, I don't like to stand out in anyway, be it good or bad. I'm an introvert and I like to be discreet. And being gay forces me to "stand out" in a way that it's not "common" to be gay. And that I'm "forced" to face homophobia, to have a 'non traditional life' and to deal with an heteronormative society and all the crap lesbians still have to deal with. I'm very glad that you're the opposite of me, because it clearly has made your journey much easier.

Besides this, it's not that I have internalized homophobia anymore. I do know what it's like to have internalized homophobia though - feeling ashamed and disgusted of myself for liking the same sex. I did feel those things at one point in my life right after coming out at my mom and things not going well and losing friends etc etc. Now, I don't feel any of that. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with me and I've embraced my lesbianism. But I don't see sexuality as something that could be boring or not, it's just a characteristic of mine.

It's not that I hate being a lesbian per say. I hate being a lesbian in an heteronormative society and its implications, which is very different. In an idealized society, I would be much much happier.

You also sound like you had a pretty chill coming out journey. I might be wrong, but if you've never felt once ashamed of being a lesbian, what I think right away is that you never faced rough discrimination, in particular from your family or close friends. I might be totally wrong and if I am, then congrats to you for feeling great about yourself.

[–]Nohope 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you for your response, I did not expect one so fast! I am an introvert like you, socialization is draining, and I have a tendency to stay in my room most times instead of talking to others, unless there is a meaningful conversation to be had. The moment I go in my room (which is a wave of relief in and of itself), I go from being exposed to others to a safe haven away from others' eyes and ears. And I feel so much better that way.

But I guess there are different types of introverts? Because while I do hate socialization, I don't mind being the center of attention. Definitely not all the time, but it feels good to be paid attention to, whether the attention is good or bad. I think not wanting to be paid attention to is social anxiety and not introversion, because the only people I have talked to that had fear of attention had social anxiety. But I'm no psychologist UwU. I think it's best to talk to a psychologist about this and see if it's introversion or social anxiety that you have.

I understand why you feel like this being in a heteronormative society, I really do, I just hope you understand it is not your fault the society is messed up, and you shouldn't hate yourself or your attraction for that.

I'm actually in a very religious and homophobic country, where if someone openly says they are gay, in the worst case scenario they will be sent to prison and let's just say it will not be pleasant for them after that. My family were homophobic because they were religious. But when I was in highschool, once we all sat down, had a discussion on atheism and they slowly became atheists, they stopped being homophobic. It was a process, but it was really worth it.

I have never faced discrimination in the family ever since. In public, if I say that I am gay, I will be discriminated against by the religious. But I still fight for gay people in public, and even get in arguments with religious people. So far nothing happened to me! And I'm not really scared.

At first, the reason I never hated myself and was proud of being gay despite being in a homophobic country was that it gave me no satisfaction to bow down to the homophobes and let them win the game they started. In this heteronormative society, gay people are discriminated against, by hating ourselves or wishing we were like straight people, they would win, they would get what they want, which is us wishing we were not us and changed to be what they want us to be.

What makes them angry and slowly feel like burning inside? Me being happy about who I am and rubbing it on their faces. So I never missed the chance to tell them how much I like being gay and wouldn't change it for the world whenever they asked "do you wish you were straight"

Yes, I have quite a ton of fire inside of me.

But I think that's easy to understand, imagine this, you are in a society where "nerds" (I mean overly studious people) are constantly bullied, and discriminated against (in my country, "nerds" are not bullied, but praised) and you are a "nerd" who cares about her grades and getting in the best university in that country.

They bully you, and discriminate against you, but you stay strong, and don't bow down to them, because you know deep down it's not your fault they do this to you. You shouldn't change and hate yourself just because they don't like you and the way you are, they should change and stop harassing you.

That's what happens to gay people, and you shouldn't wish you were different to meet the expectations of homophobes. It's not your fault they do this to you. You shouldn't change and hate yourself because they don't like you and the way you are, they should change and stop harassing and discriminating against you.

You only have this one time (YOLO?), so don't waste it on wishing you were like those straight people. Use the time to make yourself happy, not make the homophobes happy.

There is another reason why I am proud of being gay, but that is a whole different topic that can take hours to talk about.

I just want you to know that, to me, gay people are like gold, very valuable and others are just too blind to see this.

I mean look at gold. It's characteristics are that it's a soft yellow metal, an excellent conductor of electricity, etc. These are just characteristics of gold, and yet they make it so valuable. Without gold, things would be a bit boring don't you think?

Yes being gay is just a characteristic, but without gay people, things would be really boring. And who can change the heteronormative society? Definitely not straight people themselves. Only gay and bi people can do that. It will take a while, but let us gay people take each other's hand, and fight to make the heteronormative society as non-heteronormative as possible while we are here, even if just a small part of this society will change it's better than nothing 😊

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't have anxiety, I dont "fear" being the center of attention. I just don't like being the center of attention. I even have a music degree so I'm pretty used to be exposed to public constantly. I have no problem whatsoever "approaching" people or talking to people or presenting things to people. I'm actually very used to it lmao. I just don't like being the center of attention and never have in my life.

We're clearly very different. Thank you for sharing your story and I'm glad you feel happy. Cheers.