Is Asexuality a sexuality or not?

submitted by EzukiRaen from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]HelloMomo 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I thought I was asexual for a decade, and I've written an essay about that here (https://moessays.wordpress.com/2020/10/31/that-time-i-was-aro-ace/) dissecting it more if you're curious, but in short:

On the one hand, if asexual means a person experiences no attraction to anyone, that makes sense for it to be a sexuality.

That is what it should logically mean. If you want to argue it's a real sexuality, then logically it needs to follow the same rules as all other sexualities. And that would make sense! There are 2 sexes, either of which a person can be into, or not. We know from bisexuality that your attraction to one sex isn't somehow inversely linked to your attraction to the other.

That was the kind I believed myself to me. I knew from a young age I wasn't interested in boys, but given the pseudo-romantic nature of close female friendships, it took me a long time to realize my attraction to girls wasn't always platonic.

However, the way most people seem to use it is as a synonym for having no sex drive i.e. no desire or interest in sex.

That's how it's used in practice. Which sucks, because it really screws over the people in the former group.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I thought I was "frigid" (as sexologist said) until 20+ years. I was a lesbian, but tried heterosexual marriage and stuff, and I never knew that homosexuality exist - no one told me that girl can be with girl, I thought it wasn't love to other girls I was feeling, just strong friendship - as many girls are kissing jockingly as greeting or to make boyfriend want them more.

[–]HelloMomo 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's not talked about as much, but I've actually heard several stories of lesbians who thought they were asexual before realizing they're homosexual. It's not too different from the "I thought I was bi at first" story, which you hear pretty commonly as well — just, y'know, taking the other route to get there.

And to this day, I think the lack of cross sex attraction is in many ways a bigger deal than our same sex attraction. In the currently political landscape, it's our right not to date males that's under fire. In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir wrote:

What must be explained in the female homosexual is thus not the positive aspect of her choice but the negative side: she is not characterized by her preference for women but by the exclusiveness of this preference.

(although to be fair, that might've just been Simone de Beauvoir being bi, and that being her lens through which she viewed things)

Historically, gay men were attacked for being with men. There was no female equivalent of the sodomy laws; lesbian sex/relationships/anything often wasn't considered "real" in the first place. Across history up to today, I think lesbians lack of cross-sex behavior was more "disruptive" of society than our same-sex behavior.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most of the time it is more like "there must be a man - relationship can't be without penises" or "at least there is dildo!". Society still consider women as commodity. And lesbian is the biggest "sin" women can ever made - not just saying "No", but saying "No" to men on such fundamental level. And the worst part of it is that our "No" is not even our choice, it is biological "No", we can't be other way, even if we really really want to. That is why the more misogynistic movement is - the more they are attacking lesbians, as being lesbian is like personal attack on them. That is why so big focus of misogynic trans movement is on lesbians and on destroying lesbians in any possible case - our spaces, word for us, our sites and trying to coerce us to "try a girldick".