all 22 comments

[–]artetolife 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, I learned very very early on that I could take lessons from different people regardless of their sex/gender. I did have some 'gender dysphoria' in that I got the idea in my head that life would be easier if I was a girl, but time and observation solved that by itself. Representation is a different issue, there was a time when I was figuring out what it meant to be gay and looking for reassurance that I didn't need to be flamboyant and camp etc and I could still have a happy life. Probably easier back then than it is now with TRAs confusing everyone.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Will just say, for myself-- I was drinking the TQ koolaid before I showed up on saidit and have felt uncomfortable/dissatisfied about many aspects of feminity and the experience of being a woman. Hearing about others' experiences (e.g. of gender dysphoria, going about the world as someone who is gender non-conforming) helped me realize how normal my own experiences were, and that I did not have to be something other than a woman just because I don't follow many feminine gender expectations.

[–]CastleHoward 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I babysat for a lesbian couple that owned a cattle ranch. I admired those women to no end. They were butch as fuck and didn't give a shit about the world. I don't know where they got all the money but they built a paradise. I would have babysat for free but they paid $10/hr in 1988. They were really loving moms and they kept the sperm donors as regular visitors to the homestead and the kids. They would sit outside and eat beautiful meals in the New Mexico sun.
People were not nice to them. I was the only kid that would take the job.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Damn, that sounds like an amazing experience. Not gonna lie, I'm lowkey jealous lol. I'm glad you got the chance to meet them! And work for them.

[–]CastleHoward 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It was amazing. I hadn't thought of them in years. I left home at 15. Two years after I worked for them. I just asked my mom about them. One of them died of lung cancer and the other is busy being a very old woman. Still on the ranch. She fosters abused dogs.

[–]chazzstrong 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I dunno if I would call him a role model, but my uncle. He was openly gay and never really part of the 'community', and he died of HIV a long, long time ago when I was around 16, but I do remember when I was younger and learned he was gay, I asked him a lot of questions about, in my case, boys liking other boys. He helped instill in me that 'liking' someone ( childish terms, but it would feel weird to use words like 'attraction' ) shouldn't be dependent on them being boy or girl but rather how they made me feel.
I do regret that, when he passed, I was still hiding what I was. Even if he knew, I would have loved to have been able to call him up and say "Uncle Robert, I like girls AND boys." It might seem kinda corny but I've always regretted that. : /

I also had a gay man who I sat next to in church when I was younger. He was always very polite and smiled all the time, and as I got older and began to question I often remembered him and thought it was kinda cool how he was so unapologetic about...being who he was.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Aw, that's not corny, man, that totally makes sense you'd feel that way! I'm glad that you learned that lesson at a young age, from both those people... I wish I had. Thanks for sharing. :)

[–]chazzstrong 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

As an old dude now, I realize how fucking lucky I was growing up in the small town I did with no real, blatant outward prejudices. Given that it was rural south Missouri in the 80s - 90s, I have no idea how that happened.
Or maybe I was just blissfully oblivious.

[–]BiHorror 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Nope. Majority of the people I "looked up" to were straight. I did have a cousin who was an out lesbian but I barely saw her.

Depending on how we define "gender dysphoria" (I'm seeing this as sex dysphoria). I'm pretty sure I had it when I was younger, at some point breaking down and begging my mother that I wanted to be a "boy." Especially due to the fact that I had same sex attraction and thought I would be normal if I became basically a "straight man." Then for a very short period, I decided I would try being a "she/they" (NB gender). Now, I just live as a bi androgynous woman now.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Especially due to the fact that I had same sex attraction and thought I would be normal if I became basically a "straight man."

Yeah, I think that was part of the draw for me, as well. It's tempting, lol. "If you could just be a man then society won't think your attraction to women is wrong!" Except you can't just "become a man," of course. And we ought to be able to accept same-sex attraction anyway.

[–]BiHorror 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"If you could just be a man then society won't think your attraction to women is wrong!" Except you can't just "become a man," of course.

And even that wouldn't work majority of the time with regular people.

we ought to be able to accept same-sex attraction anyway.

Yep, but with some of the shit tras (and some lgb themselves alongside homo/biphobes) has been doing, acceptance for that is slowly going down. At least in the western world.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Is gender dysphoria the correct word? I think most LGB people feel gender non-conforming, at least at some point.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, it is correct-- I do mean to say gender dysphoria. But I agree with you that many LGB people are gender non-conforming as well (I would argue that the very fact of same-sex attraction goes against gender roles).

[–]lazy-summer-godSuper Gay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, I always lived down to the rule "if you want to see something done, do it yourself."

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not really. When I was young the tide was still in the process of turning, and they still weren't really all that commonly open about stuff like that to the public.

I didn't so much need LGB role models specifically, as heterosexual role models were more than capable of instilling the kind of traits and principles one would expect from a positive role model.

However I agree that the climate is a fair bit more dangerous for LGB youth nowadays with the gender cult actively trying to sterilize them to get their rocks off. A positive LGB role model would likely be more necessary to help kids navigate the flood of extremely malicious misinformation being spewed at them 24/7.

[–]SkinnyVanilla 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In my late teens and early 20s I lucked into being absorbed by a fairly large friend group of older gays and lesbians, so I got to spend a lot of time with well-adjusted gay people, and see healthy relationship dynamics in gay relationships. They were my role models, and had a wide variety of presentations. Manly men, feminine men, butch women, femme women, etc.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No, never. I've never known a homosexual "public figure" who wasn't a narcissist or otherwise toxic. I mean, let's see, what are my choices? Drag queens? "Beauty gurus" or "influences" like Jeffree Star and James Charles? Woke "activists" who preach about how we all need to suck the dead dicks of stonewall rioters and/or that getting AIDS was brave and stunning?

Neither of those are good role models.

I don't really look up to anyone. I used to, until I met those people and always found out they were actually assholes. But if I had to pick a role model it would be a straight one.

In general, there seems to be a major generational disconnect among LGB people.

Finally, someone is starting to get it. Now, can I exist for a minute as an unhappy homosexual in my 20s without hearing some boomer have a tantrum about how I need to "remember and support my gay elders" and be thankful for Stonewall, an event which happened before I was born in an entirely different country? To be blunt I don't care about the "activism" of the past or "gay culture." I can barely keep up with the present.

Maybe if there were people like me being public with their life then they'd be a kind of "role model" to me. But do you know what happens to everyone who publicly admits "being homosexual sucks, I'm in pain, and here's how I'm trying to change it so I can live a happy life"? They get censored, silenced, and "canceled" by BOTH "sides" (Meaning both "LGB" and "TQ")

So... good luck with that

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is getting somewhat off-topic, but can I ask you a dumb question? By what means do you think you can change your sexual orientation? Like, do you believe that conversion therapy works?

[–]Athelhilda2 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure my great uncle was gay, but we only met a handful of times and he spent most of his time outside of the country.

[–]ExecuteHomophobes 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There are plenty of people I wish were gay, let's put it that way.