''Aromantic'' makes no sense.

submitted by [deleted] from self.LGBDropTheT

I don't believe in the split attraction model tbh.

Fite me.

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[–]Lesbianese⚢ 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Why?

I'm starting to agree with this mindset but maybe not for the same reason as you. The people I see that call themselves aromantic, especially aromantic + asexual, seem to want all the intimacy of a relationship without the responsibility or are completely repulsed by physical intimacy due to psychological issues or some kind of sensory disorder.

Always thought the split between romantic and sexual attraction was dumb but, and this might be a controversial stance, I think some people genuinely do not like sex and find it upsetting/unpleasant regardless of the partner without having trauma (probably due to some kind of neurological or developmental issue, if I had to guess) and I could see how calling yourself a bi asexual or whatever could be a convenient way to get across what you're looking for in a companion.

Still seems stupid to cater to such a small demographic. In an ideal world it'd be hetero/bi/homo and then asexual be listed as a symptom (that doesn't require treatment or therapy).

[–]Jinera 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This could make sense for people with autism. According to a Dutch researcher 1 in 5 women with autism consider themselves asexual. As someone with autism I can understand why, touch can be incredibly uncomfortable to us due to the oversensitivity and some genuinely do not recognise sexual attraction (I for example, had for years trouble with feeling anger. Even if I was angry, there was such a disconnect between what I felt in my head and what I physically felt, that I would not know I was angry). So that there are people who are autistic and asexual makes complete sense to me.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I mean if you consider asexuality a symptom which doesn't require therapy or treatment then why consider it a disorder? It's almost like how some people see homosexuality as a disorder which doesn't have to be treated and stuff. I think people made these aromantic stuff later as a natural consequence of people saying that they are asexual but still fall in love and date... as an asexual it felt natural to me to associate asexuality with aromanticism without specifying it with yet another label. I feel like people who are romantic asexuals aren't really asexuals. It's also interesting to see the statistics. Most of asexuals identify as aromantics as well.

[–]Lesbianese⚢ 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I mean if you consider asexuality a symptom which doesn't require therapy or treatment then why consider it a disorder?

I was thinking more in the context of if they find asexuality to have ties to Autism or some other brain/developmental condition, it would be listed but if someone doesn't feel like they're missing out because of it, then why spend the resources on working on that?

I feel like people who are romantic asexuals aren't really asexuals.

Perhaps you're right, it's hard to find out because any scientific studies are treated as "aphobic" by a sizable amount of people who are in the "aspec community". I've seen them do petitions over drugs that were for people who have low libido and hate it, claiming it was conversion therapy.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've seen them do petitions over drugs that were for people who have low libido and hate it, claiming it was conversion therapy.

Lol that's funny especially when they are the same people screaming like mantra that low libido isn't asexuality.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hah, good catch-- that's another mindbending TQ+ contradiction.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think that the spit attraction model has some merrit but not as much as they give it credit for. I think it is possible for someone to be aromantic and __sexual or __romantic and asexual, but the heteroromatic homosexuals or heteroromatic bisexuals? Those sound more like bisexuals (who are also biromatic according to the model) with some degree of internalized homphobia that makes them choose not to pursue romantic relationships with the same sex

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Sooo how do you explain that I'd never in a million years "love" a man, but I've had fantasies about being in a romantic relationship with a woman & I can only ever see myself feeling love for a woman?

"Internalized homophobia" isn't real btw. Homosexuals can do things that you can't personally understand, it doesn't mean they just need to "see the light" and magically become like you.

[–]motss-pb 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't believe in the split attraction model either. Romantic orientation isn't a thing. I would put it in the same category as astrological signs and Myers-Briggs personality types. Pseudoscience.

[–]ThrowMeAway2879 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Aromantic makes sense to me. Same as asexual.

Now, I do agree that probably 99% of people who claim to be aromantic or asexual are probably full of it. But with 8 billion (I think? God, I remember the days when there weren't even six billion...) people on earth, there is bound to be some that are interested in sex, but just not wired to desire a romantic relationship or vice versa.

[–]BiHorror 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm still on the fence about it. I do think asexuals exist, but aromantic is still kinda confusing. Especially when you try to see the difference between it and platonic relationships.

Also love your flair btw.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

Hi. I am a homosexual who does not "love" men. It's more common than you think.

I don't like the label "aromantic" and I don't believe it's an "orientation". And frankly, I don't believe I have no capacity for love, I do. I just don't love men, and never will.

Saying sexuality is inherently tied to love is not only factually incorrect and a patronizing oversimplication, it's always an asshole move. You're basically saying that those who sexually mistreat others "loved" their victims, plus, you are saying sexualities like mine are about "love" when it's literally nothing more than an unwanted, non-consensual, upsetting sexual desire.

Men especially, rarely feel "love." That's why Grindr is a HOOKUP app and not a DATING app and why you won't find any successful gay dating app where people genuinely want "love." Because it's so rare among men it may as well be a myth. When guys approach me with "requests" about how they want to rape me and brutalize my body, that is not love. When I've had sex with guys and immediately felt disgusted with myself and regretted it, that's not love.

It baffles me how many people on this sub claim to be on the side of science and facts, but look how many in the comments are saying they don't believe anyone can be without romance, even though a large portion of people (especially men) feel no love for their partner at all and just want sex. And this is not a hard truth to discover, in fact I don't see how anyone can't see this is true in the real world. Again look at all the sexual abusers in the world, or straight men who only want to have sex with many women but don't care about their feelings.

Romantic desire and love is VERY rare and hard to come by. "Aromantic" doesn't exist because it's basically the default.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Men especially, rarely feel "love."

You really need to stop extrapolating YOUR experience of the world and applying that to the rest of us. I know many many men and every one of them is capable of love. Your bitterness about your own life consumes you and prevents you from seeing the truth about other gay men.

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

God, thank you. I couldn't think of a good way to put this succinctly and you did.

[–]peaked2020 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Finally someone told him. So many posts just overcome with his stresses and life problems. Almost always very homophobic, sexist, aggressive, and overall seeming depressed. Reptile seems like he needs to go outside rather than be so on here... maybe to talk with family or friends on the phone

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so freaking much. I'm a lesbian but there IS true and beautiful gay male love. I hate how he constantly speaks about men, in particular, gay men.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Men especially, rarely feel "love."

This is the guy who bitches and cries that people tell him to fuck off constantly and somehow manages to think that its everyone else's fault.

Why are you even here? You get pissy when people aren't as ashamed to be homosexual as you are and constantly make jabs about all men being pigs. Why are you intentionally surrounding yourself with a demographic you fall over yourself to constantly tell everyone you don't associate with, and constantly wangst about how you wish you could escape? The fact that you're still a kid shows.

You can talk 'til you're blue in the face to try and convince people that no one else feels love because you haven't, but your monologuing will never make your nihilism true to life.

You're also haplessly naïve if you think grindr being a cesspit is due to it being aimed at men, and not due to it being an online dating app in general. Treating people as commodities in a catalogue brings out the worst in everyone. If you want respect from potential partners, don't try offload all the effort involved in finding them to your phone.

[–]Lesbianese⚢ 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You're also haplessly naïve if you think grindr being a cesspit is due to it being aimed at men, and not due to it being an online dating app in general. Treating people as commodities in a catalogue brings out the worst in everyone. If you want respect from potential partners, don't try offload all the effort involved in finding them to your phone.

100% agreed. You meet some of the most toxic women on dating apps, I hate them. It's not a gay men thing or even a male thing.

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I remember hearing people talking about how trashy dating apps were all the time a few years ago. I don't hear it as much anymore, though.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

And what does that have to do with my statement, exactly? Have you got any point to make other than "ur an idiot and meanie and I don't like you"?

Never said no one can feel love. Just that most people don't. Learn to read, drop the personal attacks, 'cause I'm not the one who looks childish right now.

[–]peaked2020 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most people don’t is also not a reasonable statement... the person you’re responding to made a lot of fair criticism and you ignored most of it... their point was not just “I don’t like you” at all

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You're not gonna respond to this?

Why are you intentionally surrounding yourself with a demographic you fall over yourself to constantly tell everyone you don't associate with, and constantly wangst about how you wish you could escape?

[–]deliciousdogfoodmy name isnt a puppyplay reference i swear 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Drop the personal attacks

Your lack of self awareness is absolutely staggering. As if the irony of "waah all men BAD" running parallel to "waah all radfems BAD cuz they generalize and hate men" wasn't enough. You constantly make stupid and offensive generalizations and then complain and act like you're the poor attacked revolutionary whenever someone tells you how stupid you're being/and or to shut up.

You also did jack shit to actually address everything I said, then specifically attempted to make it seem as though my only opinion of you was that you frequently act a fool, so nah you're still the one who looks like a twat.

Rule 1 btw

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just fyi, there have been at least two extensive threads on this topic (with lots of thoughtful comments you might be interested in). Let me see if I can dig them up.

edit: https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/6gfk/aces_and_aros/

https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/5ypt/lgb_and_types_of_attraction/

[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't believe in the spit attraction model either. But I do think that aromantic asexuals do exist. That's what asexuality would be if you throw out the spit-attraction model and assume asexuality follows the same normal rules that all other sexual orientations do. And since there are 2 sexes, either of which a person can be into or not, I don't see what logically prohibits asexuality from existing.