RantSo a friend came out as bi, I guess? (Bi people help)

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Ladis_Wascheharuum 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

So basically, I feel like I need to firstly analyse how 'woke' the bisexual person to see if he/she's a decent bisexual person. And I didn't come out to her because I've already seen typical red flags from her such as "Oh, I don't need to label myself, everyone's on a spectrum". When I asked her, for example, what kind of guys and girls does she like, she said she "didn't know, all she knows is that she's attracted to some women". Basically she always gave very vague, non concrete answers.

This actually sounds a lot like me. I think people are too invested in sexuality labels. In my ideal world, you wouldn't try to figure out if someone is gay/straight/bi before asking them out, you'd just ask them out (and immediately respect a "No, thanks"). I also don't know how to summarily explain what I'm attracted to, because everything I can mention comes with a dozen exceptions, and exceptions to those exceptions. It's a matter of "I know hot when I see it." I'd also give vague, non-committal answers if someone I didn't trust very well was asking.

Why don't you feel safe around this person? You say she's your friend. Have you ever talked politics with her? Gave your own opinion on current events? Maybe the best way to get the answers you want is to be more direct. Not necessarily point-blank doing a survey of her attitudes, but bring the topic around to these issues and see what her opinions are.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you for your answer. Why I don't feel safe? I'll basically copy paste a part of the answer from Treeofthoughts, because it described it so well: "I know this is basically the reason this forum exists, but still every now and again it bamboozles me, that I would feel pretty comfortable being out to a religious person who may disapprove of me, but will know to be polite as their homophobia is considered unacceptable, yet more wary if I perceive someone as a SJW - because they are allowed to be homophobic in a woke way, and I will put myself at danger (particularly in a work context) if I object."

In what concerns to labels... yeaaaaaah. If you were homosexual and knew that society is so heternormative that you feel the need to constantly come out otherwise you have to be keeping to pretend to like dudes, you'd know how useful labels can be. For dating is also really useful as, unlike for straight and bi people, we don't just "encounter" tons of potential partners on a daily basis. Love doesn't "just" happen without active effort. Labels are really useful for us.

[–]Ladis_Wascheharuum 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Labels are really useful for us.

We all have our biases and see the world through our own experience. I'll never claim to speak for all bisexuals (I'm a bit odd no matter what) but I can see how labels are both practical and limiting, and perhaps for lesbians it's much more the former and for bisexuals it's more the latter. I don't like the "baggage" that comes with my label, even if I use it for practical reasons.

My point is that, while I think a bit like your friend, I don't think I'm a homophobe. I've given up on gender ideology as it's an illogical mess. I don't think lesbians should be shamed, or even gently convinced, into trying dick. If you want only biological women, that's your call, and no one else's. I don't think your friend's statement are red flags. You need more information before you jump to judgement. That's all I'm saying.