Such progress!

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[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

But also meanwhile -

Gay guy: I love being a man into men, I am happy this way. TRAs: GRRRR YOU TRANSPHOBIC BIGOT NAZI, LIKE TRANS MEN OR DIE!

Me: Hey I don't like being homosexual for complicated and personal reasons beyond "gay bad" or "internalized homophobia." While I fully acknowledge that some homosexuals are happy being that way and don't wish to change, and accept that, for my personally it feels like there is a "mix up" in my brain that prevents me from forming healthy attraction and relationships. Is it possible for someone to do some research into this, to see if there's any link between my unusual sexuality & other underlying conditions I may have, and if there's a potential way I could get treatment to steer me down a healthier path through real therapy and self-conditioning? I just feel like I can't be happy this way and my life would improve if I was able to be attracted to women.

TRAs: NOOOO baby uwu YOU ARE A VALID SWEET PRECIOUS WITTLE GAY AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!!! u r BORN THIS WAY SWEETIE you have INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA sskkaklsaslakdl here let me help you A C C E P T Y O U R Q U E E R N E S S askaksa sksksksksksksks;;;; you are fabulous how you are honey uwu

I just think it's fucking hilarious that they're obsessed with "converting" people who are HAPPY being homosexual but then the second that one of us steps forward and WANTS to change they're back to "no uwu gay is good accept yourself sweetie!!!1"

This is also why a lot of homosexuals are now feeling more comfortable with right wing communities, because despite their many flaws at least they don't tell people like me "SKSKAKJS HONEY NOOOOO INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA UR TOO DUMB TO THINK! PLEASE I NEED YOU TO BE A FABULOUS QUEER SO I CAN FETISHIZE YOU". (Granted, right wing advice tends to be along the lines of "bro just go to the gym and take testosterone to remove the gay", which is equally unhelpful, but still.)

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Serious and not loaded question: Do you really think being able to be attracted to women would be the easiest/best way to improve your life? I know you said you have no romantic attraction to men, so what about being able to form healthier relationships with men? Or do you view that as a lost cause because you believe that even if you could be romantically interested in men, that too much of the problem remains on their end?

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do not believe it's possible for me to have healthier relationships with men solely because the very idea disgusts me. I cannot put it into words beyond "It feels wrong", but I can relate to say, how lesbians describe being with a guy and it not feeling right to them. I may be attracted to male genitalia and only desire gay sex, but I have never been attracted to a real man and cannot see myself being attracted to one. They are inherently repulsive or offputting to me, and the mere idea of imagining myself being in a relationship with a man makes me feel highly uncomfortable.

In short: I simply don't want to have relationships with men because I cannot see the appeal.

I am fully aware it's contradictory and this is why I believe my sexuality is either a disorder in itself, or a symptom of an underlying problem (such as a neurological disorder)

From where I see things, it would be theoretically easier for me to not be repulsed by female genitalia (and I don't know why that is, either) than it is to learn to be attracted to men. To be clear I don't think either is "easy" to fix and I think it's most likely something wrong with my brain, considering I have symptoms of other neurological issues. It may never be fixed.

But, as hard as this is to put into words, I have some "straight" behaviors or feelings that gay men don't seem to have, and I lack many of the feelings gay men do have. It's like once every few months I think I have heterosexual desire, but it fades really fast, or I simply can't act on it because female genitalia freak me out and my body is more accustomed to gay sex. (I think I only have myself to blame for that last part)