Since when are people's paraphilias some sacred cow that can't be scrutinized?

EXACTLY!!! Omg I totally agree. And why do people take "I think X is gross" as a personal attack?? If I say "I think carrots are gross" it doesn't mean "I think you're gross for liking carrots" or "I think only gross people like carrots".

People say "don't kink-shame" but what they really mean, 9/10 times, is "don't express any negativity towards my kink." If someone were confident in themselves, they probably wouldn't care that I think their kink (or food taste) is gross and would respect that different individuals have different tastes. But it seems like there are a lot of negative cognitive distortions that go along with these kinks, and thus, feelings of insecurity, and any negativity expressed towards the kink digs allllll that up.

Seriously, no shade towards anyone who has a kink. The people who are most chill about it understand that others may be grossed out about it and that's not about them-- the same as.. well, how I am grossed out by dicks and that's just my sexuality, it doesn't mean I think people who love dick are gross. Oh, wait... I guess they don't get that, either....