all 53 comments

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 46 insightful - 1 fun46 insightful - 0 fun47 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Really offensive. The fear some lesbians have of being seen as a predator by other women is not because we believe deep down we’re not lesbians, morons. It’s because unlike you, we are of the female sex and as a result of that, we regularly experience male creepiness and have sexual aggression and perversion foisted upon us without our consent by people like you from long before we became adults. That can result in us have a difficult time openly sexualizing other women because we don’t want women to feel that same discomfort that is forced on us since we were children.

[–]blackrainbow[S] 27 insightful - 4 fun27 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Another thing that amazes me is that the feeling of "being a girl" is "valid" while the feeling of being a predator is not

[–]reluctant_commenter 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's a really important insight. I think it is telling, as well, that they just blanket-deny or blanket-accept feelings, rather than examining where they come from. It's black-and-white, "valid" or "not valid".

[–]blackrainbow[S] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Well, black and white thinking is a BPD symptom

[–]reluctant_commenter 19 insightful - 3 fun19 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

The fear some lesbians have of being seen as a predator by other women is not because we don’t believe deep down we’re not lesbians, morons.

Exactly! There is a huge difference between the sources of these two forms of self-doubt that lesbians and male "transbians" experience. These trans-identified males brush away all nuance when they say, "It's normal to feel predatory as a lesbian".

[–]Eurowoman24 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

don't worry straight men take care of making us feel that discomfort all by themselves.

[–]BigMommyMilkersYes, they're real 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Have you guys ever actually felt like a predator? Where/how? I'm interested because I have never experienced this feeling. I've had straight women (as I'm sure we all have) think we're going to chase them but it has never made me felt like a predator because I wasn't one.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I don’t feel like a predator but I do have a fear of making women uncomfortable in the same way men have made me feel uncomfortable. And while I don’t feel like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I do fear others seeing me as such because as I’ve learned, straight people will not reach the conclusion on their own that I’m gay. So that means when they do find out, it’s like they see me in an entirely new light, they’re really caught off-guard about it, and I’m sure they replay their social interactions with me in their heads.

[–]les4leshomonormative 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I do have a fear of making women uncomfortable in the same way men have made me feel uncomfortable.

This is it exactly. I don't fear being predatory because I know I'm not a predator. But I do fear people seeing me as one because thats what they expect of lesbians.

[–]blackrainbow[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Luckily only a few people still think like this (at least where I live)

[–]just_lesbian_things 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It was worse when I was younger (12-18ish). I was afraid of other people mistaking me for a pervert, or worse, making the girls/women around me uncomfortable. I would avoid using the restroom when there are other girls/women around. On overnight trips, I would ask to sleep away from other girls/women- once when I was camping, I got in trouble with the counselor for sleeping outside by myself instead of in the tent with the other girls. I avoided changing and being around other girls/women when they were changing whenever possible. I think a lot of it came across as fussiness and shyness. I was definitely way more bothered about it than any of the girls/women around me, most of whom just get annoyed they can't keep talking to me while they change because I insist on leaving the room. On the other hand, you get these male trans people demanding entry into female-only spaces...

[–]latuspodSuper Straight 28 insightful - 5 fun28 insightful - 4 fun29 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

As a straight guy I can confidently say that if you feel like your a straight guy trying to trick lesbians into sleeping with you it's because you are.

[–]blackrainbow[S] 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

That “I don’t wanna be a predator” vibe is something trans AND cis lesbians share. If anything it should reinforce that you absolutely belong here :).

WHERE??? You feel like a predator if you behave like one, clearly you have something to hide

I mean this sub is just the best, ain't that right?

Yeah, the best in enabling your delusion

there’s no such thing as “real lesbians” because lesbian is just a label humans made up for themselves. therefore, if you identify as a lesbian, no matter who you are or who you love, you are a “real” lesbian. you pick your preferred label, and don’t let anyone tell you who you are.

So, "lesbian" is not a word invented to describe a sexual orientation, a girl who only loves girls. It's like a culture, a feeling, not a descriptor

As HSM said best, “We’re all in this together”. Stop trying to make our dating pool even smaller by excluding our trans sisters!!!

So, I have to suck a dick to a transgirl in order to not make you feel sad. Seems valid, and feminist.

[–]julesburm1891 15 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That “I don’t want to be a predator” vibe is something trans AND cis lesbians share.

Uh, I’ve never felt like a predator. I assume that’s because I’m not a creep and don’t violate women’s privacy or boundaries.

there’s no such thing as “real lesbians” because lesbians is just a label humans made up

There’s no such thing as real diamonds. That’s just a label humans made up. Cut glass is the literal same as a diamond if it identifies as a diamond.

[–]zephyranthes 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

WHERE??? You feel like a predator if you behave like one, clearly you have something to hide

Unless the OP is a lying pedophile, he's prey -- he's 14.

[–]blackrainbow[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

His account is suspended

[–]reluctant_commenter 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That “I don’t wanna be a predator” vibe is something trans AND cis lesbians share. If anything it should reinforce that you absolutely belong here :).

  • a trans woman

What the hell do YOU know about it. You're not a woman. You've never had to GROW UP as a girl, ashamed of the thoughts in your head and being told by adults that gay people are disordered and going to hell. I was in middle school the first time my mother told me that she thought lesbians are predatory and shouldn't even be allowed in girls' locker rooms. You have NO IDEA what it's like to actually BE a "cis lesbian".

May this person's narcissism pay them in like kind. I wish I had an ounce of his sense of entitlement. How utterly self-centered and thoughtless do you have to be, to not only pretend to be a member of a minority group that you aren't a part of but then speak for them, too??

[–]ChodeSandwichtender and moist 17 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Today it's "trans women are exactly the same as cis women and you aren't allowed to even acknowledge that we were born different." Tomorrow it's "we need more trans representation and trans stories about how hard it is to grow up different (trans) and learn how to trans as a trans, trans." Is this narcissism?

[–]Eurowoman24 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

As a straight woman I've never met anyone (from my generation) who've thought of lesbians as predators. I've only ever been sexually objectified/harrassed etc.. as a kid by straight men.

[–]reluctant_commenter 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

As a straight woman I've never met anyone (from my generation) who've thought of lesbians as predators.

My mother is Gen X (from the US) and believes this, and would tell me so growing up; feeling like a predator is absolutely something I have to deal with still, thanks to her. I don't recommend you meet her, lol. She is very religious, may be part of why. She is also suffering from severe mental illness and I'm not sure how representative she is of most people.

[–]Eurowoman24 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think the general landscape has changed especially with millenials being grown up now, I can only speak from my own experience, but the only people who I've encountered who have a problem with it are either religious or old. I really think most people don't believe that(especially in anglophone countries), there's no evidence to support it.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really think most people don't believe that(especially in anglophone countries), there's no evidence to support it.

Well, I am still working on internalizing that, but I am glad to hear you think so. :)

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I’m feeling like I’m some straight guy trying to trick cis lesbians into liking me

r/selfawarewolves

[–]BigMommyMilkersYes, they're real 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (20 children)

And on cue, the bisluts (although I guess you couldn't even call them that, since they go from straight to "lesbian") coming out like clockwork to tell everyone how their opposite sex relationship is 100% lesbian, and how eventually they themselves will find some cheek spreading straight woman to play along with their roleplay

[–]BiHorror 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

Bisluts

Yikes. Kinda sexist there, mate? That's such a sexist (and biphobic) term to be using.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

She really hates bisexuals, I don't know why. I already got into it with her on another thread so now I just report and move on.

[–]BiHorror 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Ah. Yeah, that would be best move to do. Although, it is kinda funny/hypocrite to dislike another's sexuality while she's against TRA homophobia.

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It is indeed hypocritical. Sorry you guys have to hear people say stupid shit like this.

[–]BiHorror 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's fine honestly (for me), people can get shit from anything. I just find annoying when the hipocrisy and double standards pop up.

[–]dramasexual 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Yo, sorry for this person.

[–]BiHorror 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It's fine! There's good and bad apples in all groups. Also, I like your username!

[–]dramasexual 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Whoa, "bisluts?" What the fuck, m8. We should not be slurring other members of the LGB here.

[–]Shadow_Lurker 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

What I find interesting is how unlike their female counterparts, bissexual men tend to be very reserved about their sexuality. Men on straight relationships larping as gay is nearly a nonexistent thing.

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

unlike their female counterparts, bissexual men tend to be very reserved about their sexuality.

That's a pretty big generalization. Do you know of any studies that have demonstrated this? I'd be curious to see. I hear people say stuff like this a lot, but I really haven't seen any evidence one way or another (especially because bisexual men are a very understudied population).

edit: typo

[–]Shadow_Lurker 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's a pretty big generalization. Do you know of any studies that have demonstrated this? I'd be curious to see.

Just experience based on what I could observe. It's flawed, I know, but is still something.

especially because bisexual men are a very understudied population

Yep, you are correct.

Most articles that have bissexuality as it's main focus, be it news or tabloids, tend to focus on woman and not on men.

We also don't see that many male bissexual celebrities, do we?

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Most articles that have bissexuality as it's main focus, be it news or tabloids, tend to focus on woman and not on men.

Cuz bi women are typically (mis)understood as straight. (Can't be bisexual; no such thing, yanno!/s) So it's either a matter of "women are Sexually FluidTM" or just plain ol' sluttiness. Either way: unthreatening. Also, the (demeaning) stereotypes of bisexuality are a natural fit with the (demeaning) stereotypes of women: being indecisive, wishy-washy, silly, weak. Thus being into both sexes = Just Girly Things (not). And let's not forget that it isn't REALLY sex without a penis, so our doing vulva + vulva = 0 (which is why we're still straight, see?), at least according to Idiot MathTM.

Basically, acknowledging us as "bi" is no big deal... cuz no one takes it seriously anyway.

We also don't see that many male bissexual celebrities, do we?

Cuz they're just seen as gay. Even when they SPECIFICALLY SAY they're bi (and have the female partners to prove it)-- doesn't matter; if a guy likes dick at all = 100% homo, no exceptions. Which also means being shunned by women dating-wise. So why bother coming out as bi at all? Plus it doesn't "fit" the male image: bi = indecisive etc.; guys aren't supposed to be like that! Dude-behavior is emphatic and resolute: dick OR pussy! Anything else is wimpy-ass GIRLY shit.

So, in sum: bisexuality is like the Tooth Fairy, and dick > pussy, so bi women = straight & bi men = gay. And ALL women have a Silly Sand sexuality. But men's is rock-solid either/or! Also it doesn't rock the het boat for women, but totally capsizes it for men = former can be out as bi (aww isn't it CUTE how she thinks she's not straight!), latter cannot (who does that FAG think he's fooling???).

Translation: we're both screwed.

[–]Shadow_Lurker 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

An interesting take.

Now just to punctuate some points:

Cuz bi women are typically (mis)understood as straight. (Can't be bisexual; no such thing, yanno!/s) So it's either a matter of "women are Sexually FluidTM" or just plain ol' sluttiness.

Depends on the case, as most of the bissexual woman (at least that I know of) taken for straight are in opposite sex relationships.

The "sex fluidity" shit comes mainly because of straight girls that larp as lesbian/bissexual for woke points and attention only to drop said identities when they get out of college. This have the negative effect of skewing sexual orientation data, corroborating TQs points on the subject.

In reality, most studies have shown that most of the girls who drop lesbian/bissexual identities in adulthood have little to no attraction to woman, so that's something to think about.

And let's not forget that it isn't REALLY sex without a penis, so our doing vulva + vulva = 0 (which is why we're still straight, see?), at least according to Idiot MathTM.

Yup, this is very prevalent even in "progressive" circles.

Cuz they're just seen as gay. Even when they SPECIFICALLY SAY they're bi (and have the female partners to prove it)-- doesn't matter; if a guy likes dick at all = 100% homo, no exceptions.

Freddy Mercury, for instance, can be taken as a literal example of this. This is funny to me, because 90% of people don't even know the name of his male lover, but most of them know about Mary, who was continuously described by Mercury himself as the love of his life. His caracterization as a "gay popstar" was more due to post-mortem marketing than to his in-life actions.

Which also means being shunned by women dating-wise.

Not only woman, but gay men as well.

Most gay men have reservations on taking bissexuals as romantic partners, and for the same reasons as straight woman: the fear of being cheated on, which only becomes worse because of the unique sex dinamics involved.

The prospect of a gay man being cheated on with a woman can be devastating, as they may feel taken for a side fuck and not the actual main subject of the relationship. Same goes for woman: they may feel that their relationship is merely a formality, a way to fulfill societal expectations, and not something that really comes from any real passion.

It's always important to remember this.

[–]BiHorror 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Men (pretending to be lesbians) ashamed of being seen as predators? Hmmm... Wonder why. Maybe it's to do with the fact they're pretending to be lesbians.

[–]Athelhilda2 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You know, most people don't worry about being a predator, so if you feel that way, maybe you are one?🤷‍♀️

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

self-reflection? they've never heard that!

[–]Rosefield 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because these sick fucks enjoy it

[–]les4leshomonormative 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Love it when they claim "internalized homophobia" Like... you mean homophobia?

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I love this response the most:

"Yeah but I still feel uncomfortable expressing any sort of sexuality because then I’m feeling like I’m some straight guy trying to trick cis lesbians into liking me (even though I know that’s not the case)"

They were so close to admitting that they're a straight guy, so close.

[–]Seahorse 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah sorry bro you'll never be a lesbian. They know it deep down too.

It must be a big shock to get all the dick sucking on Reddit to turn around and get 0 matches on Tinder from lesbians.

Btw I don't think a single lesbian actually commented on that post, all trans🤣😬

[–]justagaydude123 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I mean this genuinely, how did you find this month-old post? Do you go looking for stuff to post here?

[–]blackrainbow[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was just lurking and ordered the posts by controversial, for fun