DiscussionIs "sexual preference" offensive (to you)

submitted by filbs111 from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Does this seems like complete bullshit to anyone else? I have a preference for certain foods and will choose food from the menu in a restaurant based on this preference. Whether my taste is acquired is another question, but the preference and the choice are different things. I could choose to order food I don't like, but it's hard to like food I don't like.

This is exactly why the word "preference" is so incorrect, though. Yes you can prefer to order the foods you like-- but the fact that you LIKE one food and are repulsed by another is not, itself, a preference that could go one way or another, it's a fact. (And if it's not a fact, and you actually do like both foods but to different degrees-- then you're probably bisexual, to return the metaphor to sexual orientation.)

It does not seem like bullshit to me; it makes perfect sense. I think many of the people repeating the phrases "sexual preference" and "genital preference" are well-meaning, though, so I try to talk to them first before jumping to assumptions about their intentions.

Words matter, because TRAs are trying to control the vocabulary with which we are allowed to even talk about our experiences. That is why they are obsessed with trying to change the definition of bisexuality and homosexuality in the dictionary. It is harder for us to express outrage against the TRA homophobia when our medium of communication is being policed.

[–]filbs111[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This is more complicated than I initially expected. IMO I'm well meaning, but think both sexual preference and genital preference terms makes sense, and there should be no shame in having such preferences. People should be able to refuse sex with others for any reason or no reason at all.

Regarding restaurants and food, I am offered two plates of food, plate A being my favourite food, and plate B contains something dreadful. To say "I prefer plate A over plate B" is factually correct, though misleading if said in response to the question "what do you want for dinner".

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hope I didn't come across as attacking you, if so I apologize :) I think it's an important question worth asking and talking about.

To say "I prefer plate A over plate B" is factually correct

Ok, I think I get what you mean. It is literally correct. However, these statements are also correct for the exact same reason:

To say "I prefer to have a disease-curing pill (A) over being forced to drink bleach (B)"

To say "I prefer to not be tortured (A) than to be tortured (B)"

The point I am trying to make with these two examples, is that colloquially, the word "preference" implies that both options are benign (will not harm your health). You never hear someone with a peanut allergy say, for example, "I prefer to eat a dish without peanuts". Doing so would harm one's health and so using the word "preference" in that context would give an inaccurate picture of the risk associated with that option.

Similarly, it is bad for the health of a homosexual person to force them to try to have sex with someone of the sex that they are not interested in.

The word "preference" is used intentionally by many TRAs to communicate the following: "Oh, it actually isn't harmful for homosexuals to be forced to date/have sex with the opposite gender; it's a benign option, it wouldn't hurt them". That is, indeed, the very same philosophy employed in conversion therapy.

And if you want proof of TRAs talking about how "gay men need to get over it and like pussy" and "lesbians need to try dick"-- then there is a lot.

edit: List of TRA hate receipt repositories - https://www.saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/5x6k/trans_people_and_trans_rights_activists_being/

Just one of those repositories (about gay men): https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipN6bUPUugEzmNmC-nZTunsVPUtgAuMANMmoVSD1j5gmROqY5E53VSCukHKc8zSRHA?key=bTMzMDNKeC1vbkFkRjlqTHJKM284RU1IQ3JkSlF3

edit2: The one interesting difference between conservative conversion therapy, and woke conversion therapy, is that with the conservative flavor, the "best" sexual orientation is straight but in woke flavor, the "best" sexual orientation is bisexual. (Or pansexual. Or omnisexual, depending on who you talk to. Sorry, actual bisexuals, you're cool. <3)