DiscussionHow to support LGB youth who have gender dysphoria

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey! If you read the sidebar, it actually says that allies are welcome here as well, you don't have to be LGB to discuss. :)

Several people have already responded to you about why we typically reject the term "queer" here, but let me put it to you another way.

Among women (females) and men (males)-- there is a lot of variation in behaviors and appearance. For example, take masculinity. Imagine that each group, females and males, has a Normal distribution curve, like so, with "females" as the bell curve on the left and "males" the bell curve on the right: https://imgur.com/HdLNBAy

If the x-axis is masculinity, then you can clearly see that:

  • The average male (top of the bell curve on the right bell curve) is more masculine than an average woman (top of the bell curve on the left bell curve).

  • There is significant overlap between the two bell curves-- meaning that some women are more masculine than many men and some men are more feminine than many women.

The fact that some men act/appear more feminine than some women, and that some women act/appear more masculine than some men, is a simple fact of nature. Using the word "queer", in the way that you describe it, teaches children that it is NOT NORMAL to be on the masculine side of the bell curve if you're a woman or the feminine side of the bell curve if you're a man. That is extremely damaging and harmful. Full stop.

Furthermore-- "queer" has no definition. It is so vague that it is impossible to assume any meaning if someone tells you they are queer.

You say:

But "queer" to me gets at that group of people (where I fit as a teen) who have a lot of the behaviors of the opposite sex, but who are not part of that group.

But I say: Having a lot of behaviors of the opposite sex is NORMAL. It sounds like you are talking about being "gender-nonconforming" (GNC). The problem here is not that being GNC is bad, or that we shouldn't talk about being GNC (we should! Sounds like you have an interesting perspective of your own to share). The problem is that "queer" does not mean "gender-nonconforming", it literally has no definition.

Does that help it all? I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, by the way. We can only learn from each other if we talk about this stuff.

edit: couple words.