DiscussionHow to support LGB youth who have gender dysphoria

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Constantine 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The ultimate solution is to get kids to understand that all this “gender” stuff is just socially constructed, and they can be whoever the hell they want. I think that’s what ultimately “cured” my dysphoria issues and made me more comfortable with my body and with womanhood: my parents made a lot of mistakes, but trying to make me conform to strict notions of gender was not one of them. If it weren’t for that, there’s no doubt I would’ve been transed.

The issue is that we can’t mold the outside world like this. The reason I had dysphoria to begin with was because of the disconnect between what my parents told me I could be and what everyone else’s expectations were. So really, I think the best thing to do is just keep talking. The more these kids hear from voices of reason, the less likely they’ll be to do irreparable damage to their bodies and minds.

What’s going on with new guidelines in UK schools is a good start. I’m very worried about the US and Canada, though. We were headed on the right path with viewing gender as just socially constructed and telling kids they could be anything they want, but now there’s this giant swerve out to left field. I’m not sure how to fix this when no one in power is doing anything to stop it here.

Edit to add: we also need to be talking about autism. A disproportionate number of these kids with dysphoria have autism, and there are no doubt more undiagnosed. I was one of them. Kids with autism have a serious mind/body disconnect that makes them particularly susceptible to this ideology. But since the cause is autism, not “being born in the wrong body,” it’s not going to help them, which makes these kids a particular kind of victim here. Talking about this stuff shouldn’t be taboo. The same with AGP and rapid onset gender dysphoria. We need to be talking about these underlying issues and trying to identify and understand them better instead of just sweeping them under the rug.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The ultimate solution is to get kids to understand that all this “gender” stuff is just socially constructed, and they can be whoever the hell they want.

I might add that to my list in the post, if you don't mind. That's a belief that straight people as well as LGB can model, too.

but trying to make me conform to strict notions of gender was not one of them. If it weren’t for that, there’s no doubt I would’ve been transed.

I hear that. I came pretty close to being transed, but fortunately the JK Rowling stuff went down at a crucial time for me and opened my eyes to the misinformation going on.

The reason I had dysphoria to begin with was because of the disconnect between what my parents told me I could be and what everyone else’s expectations were. So really, I think the best thing to do is just keep talking. The more these kids hear from voices of reason, the less likely they’ll be to do irreparable damage to their bodies and minds.

Completely agree. I think you said this really well. There is a big parallel here as well between this and the end of u/HelloMomo's post.

we also need to be talking about autism. A disproportionate number of these kids with dysphoria have autism, and there are no doubt more undiagnosed. I was one of them. Kids with autism have a serious mind/body disconnect that makes them particularly susceptible to this ideology.

I'm really glad to hear you say this. I have often wondered at how little the influence of autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, or forms of psychopathology such as PTSD, are talked about in this community and other LGB ones.

Do you think people would be open to posts about it? I have thought about posting about it but kind of balked because I've never really seen people talk about it in s/lgbdropthet before.

[–]Constantine 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I might add that to my list in the post, if you don't mind. That's a belief that straight people as well as LGB can model, too.

Sure, use whatever you want!

I hear that. I came pretty close to being transed, but fortunately the JK Rowling stuff went down at a crucial time for me and opened my eyes to the misinformation going on.

I'm glad that she spoke out and that it helped you. She's making this all much more visible to everyday people who aren't dealing with this on a daily basis outside the Internet.

Completely agree. I think you said this really well. There is a big parallel here as well between this and the end of u/HelloMomo's post.

Yes, I noticed that comment as well. It's a bit of a double bind: not dwelling on it is what helps the individual, but at a societal level, ignoring it obviously isn't the answer.

I'm really glad to hear you say this. I have often wondered at how little the influence of autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, or forms of psychopathology such as PTSD, are talked about in this community and other LGB ones. Do you think people would be open to posts about it? I have thought about posting about it but kind of balked because I've never really seen people talk about it in s/lgbdropthet before.

I've talked about it a little bit in other GC spaces, and JKR has definitely talked about autism a lot when it comes to this, which doesn't surprise me since many of her characters could easily be read as on the spectrum (esp. Hermione, Luna, and Newt from the new movies). She seems to have a good understanding of ASD and I think this is a large part of what peaked her, from what I've read.

As for LGB, I've thought about making a post about it here, but have been a little wary about doing so. I posted a while back about questioning my sexuality and got a lot of helpful answers, but I do think a lot of people here don't understand really how big of a disconnect there is between body and mind for people like me, and how things that seem simple to other people (such as, if you are attracted to so and so you are this, this, or this) are not for us. For instance, this isn't as helpful to me because I don't experience sexual attraction the same way most people do because of my ASD.

The same goes for transing these kids (and young adults - I think many, especially women, are undiagnosed). The disconnect they feel is completely real, so to just say "no one has an innate sense of gender" isn't quite tracking the same issue, because we experience and process the world differently from most people. That doesn't mean that what we're experiencing is actually a gender mismatch, but when the genderspecials are the only ones talking about anything remotely like what we experience, it makes sense why a lot of people like me would jump on board in search of a magical solution. I don't know, this is getting kind of rambley, but I think what I'm trying to get at is that some of this stuff might contradict some of the orthodox LGB views on this sub--which for the most part I agree with--but sometimes it's not so simple.

Either way, I think we need to be having these tough conversations. This is hurting GNC people of all sorts, whether they be LGB, neurodivergent, or whatever. And threads like this are a good place to start. If you want, I could post some more coherent thoughts and start another thread and see what people have to say about it. That could be interesting.

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

we also need to be talking about autism. A disproportionate number of these kids with dysphoria have autism, and there are no doubt more undiagnosed.

I have a personal anecdote about this, though I don't quite know what to make of it yet. Recently I was helping my dad organize old stuff of his. He had this box of old self-help books, so I looked through it, and a couple of them were about Asperger's in girls, and how parents can help their daughters. I asked my dad about it, "Did you think I had Asperger's when I was younger?" And he said that around middle school they considered the possibility that I might, and talked to a therapist about it, though it was ultimately ruled that I didn't.

What I find really interesting about this story is that even though I didn't actually have autism, around the time when I had dysphoria, I was exhibiting autism-like behaviors anyways.

[–]Constantine 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is interesting. I'm reading Irreversible Damage right now, and while the author doesn't talk much about autism (which is a major flaw I think, given the subject matter), she does explain over and over again how perfectly-healthy girls seem to become more and more mentally unstable as they go down the gender rabbit hole. I imagine this is a chicken and egg problem, but it's worth discussing.