Gay MenTRA trys to police AGB, Gays fight back

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[–]marmorsymphata 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

So one of you guys really is stupid enough to post on that sub openly proclaiming that you're migrating there from a banned sub as if that could never get the hammer dropped on AGB huh

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Unfortunately I think there’s a contingency that want that to happen. At the same time, why shouldn’t they expect actual gay/bi people to migrate to places on Reddit still populated by actual gay/bi people? I mean, lesbians and bisexual women are still pretty fucked and SOL, but actual gay/bi men still have AGB. It’s also a counter to their narrative that there were no actual gay people on LGBDroptheT, which was obvious projection.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Ummm no AGB is a gay sub not a bisexual sub in any way. It honestly is tiring to read these posts about how women are always the most SOL group out there. If you're a man and don't follow the grain then you get otracized too. Being a bisexual male isn't accpeted anywhere. I went to GC a few times and it was so full of hatred towards men it made me sick. As a survivor of sexual abuse as a male my experience has been one of basically zero support. The only support I get now is through a therapist which is basically a contract.

I'm not saying women have it easy but there are men who are hurting too and we are told that as a man we simply just have to suck it up and deal. Reading things like "well at least bisexual men have a gay mans sub they can go to," makes me feel even more isolated.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I was only basing AGB as being for both gay men and bisexual men on my having seen posts from bi men there. I see bi flair and they’re allowed to post there. Unlike, for example, r/TL which was lesbian only. That’s the only distinction I intended to draw. I understand though that AGB is about male-male attraction only so it doesn’t encompass all of bi male sexuality, which can be isolating, which I get, and understand why my comment would be insensitive to you. I’m sorry about that.

I regularly stick up for gay men and bisexuals generally. In some ways I do forget about bi men in certain scenarios sometimes because, as a lesbian, it feels like bi male sexuality is the farthest removed from my personal experience. And also, as you’ve indicated, you face a unique and major problem of public acceptance and visibility that is not lost on me. You guys get dealt a shit hand for sure.

I don’t actually know any out bi men IRL. My friends are mostly straight though as I’m not overly integrated into LGBT. But I do from time to time think “where are these bi males because they have to be around here somewhere?”

I’m not someone who denies that men have problems or unique issues, but I’m not as close to those issues so they’re generally not going to be at the forefront of my mind.

I’m sorry you have nowhere where you can talk openly about your experiences and that you suffered through those experiences. I think it would be good for there to be a GC guys or at least a GC but not necessarily feminist or radfem sub-said it to discuss gender issues. I would join.

And on a sub-saidit topical side note, I’ve been struggling to find a therapist to discuss my sexuality issues too. Most are overly affirming and useless because they’re too afraid of getting called a bigot I guess. So the last time I tried signing up for a counseling service, they asked me if I wanted a female therapist and I said yes. They assigned me an obvious trans woman. To discuss lesbian sexuality. Dude.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

So the last time I tried signing up for a counseling service, they asked me if I wanted a female therapist and I said yes. They assigned me an obvious trans woman. To discuss lesbian sexuality. Dude.

NO. WAY. So now a biological male is a female? LMAOO. You refused right? How did they take it? That's like so unprofessional and honestly rude to the clients.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes in two places I said “female.” One was an online form where I checked off “female” and then the open form I explained why a “female” therapist was important. And then when I got the notification of the pairing with the picture, my stomach turned. I also searched their name online to be sure and based on other photos, unmistakably trans woman. So I just said it was not a good fit for me but didn’t feel comfortable saying why. And I backed away from the service because I felt that they had betrayed my trust and acted extremely callously. It was just totally tone-deaf. I’d rather explain my sexuality and issues of shame to a 79-year-old hetero dude or the first dude I meet when walking into a frat house in the SEC because at least they don’t think they are me. I would have felt like he was collecting LARPing material from me.

Fun fact, because I searched for him online, his face came up in ads while I was browsing the Internet for the next month or so. It totally haunted me and skeeved me out.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I was thinking of editing my comment to make it more clear that I wasn't trying to invalidad you or anyone elses experience and I'm glad and grateful you picked up on that. There is definatly a lot of prejudice women (and especially lesbians) experience that I will never experience or understand. The best I can do is be empathetic.

I'm so sorry they paired you with trans woman as a therapist when you asked for a woman. That just seems cruel and shows a total lack of understanding towards you. I was very lucky when I landed the therapist I have now. I found her through word of mouth and spent a week exchanging emails before I felt comfortable enough with meeting. Before that my experience was similar to yours. Either overly empathetic to the point of being enabling or totally callous as to my needs. The only advice I can give is to check out EMDR therapists in your area and try to start a dialogue with them before sitting down for a meeting. I pay through the nose for my therapy though. It's my biggest monthly expense. I wish you the best.

[–]les4leshomonormative 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

By now the trans debates have come up so regularly that it's only a matter of time no matter what we do lmao