LGB ErasureWhat is the deal with Queer Theory separating Romantic and Sexual Attraction?

submitted by [deleted] from self.LGBDropTheT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I think romance and sexual attraction ARE separate.

Hear me out on this one. No, I don't think it's possible to have a conflicting "romantic orientation" and "sexual orientation", ie being a "homoromantic heterosexual." But I do think sexual attraction and romance do NOT go hand in hand and can absolutely be separate.

I am sexually attracted to males, but I have never been "in love" with one, nor loved back. I just don't have that connection and I don't feel like most males are even interested in "love." I don't see the point in lying about homosexuality being this thing about "love is love" and eternal relationships when that's actually far from reality. Most men just want sex.

A sad reality no one wants to admit, maybe, but it's no more of a lie than "biological sex is real." I wish I had "love" but chances are I never will, because "romantic love" is more or less a fairytale concept and something that most of us won't experience. Media teaches us that we're all destined to "find our one true love" but that's unrealistic and a lie. I think most people don't, regardless of orientation.

[–]markiemarcus 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It may not be that way for you (and I'm sure that the same is true for many), but the romantic component is huge for me. This actually came up in a discussion recently and I was shocked to discover that it isn't this way for everybody; I had always assumed that it was. I just...I can't imagine one without the other. It's so alien to me. The "one true love" stuff is nonsense though.

Presumably you have strong connections with other people in your life? Be that close friendships or family.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oh, don't get me wrong, it's huge for me HYPOTHETICALLY too. I believe it's detrimental and destructive to have sex without loving each other. (If that makes me "sound like a conservative Christian", I don't care.) But at the same time, I have to accept I will never love another man, nor will I be loved by one.

I don't really, I've always found it hard to make friends, and family have never been around.

[–]markiemarcus 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh no judgement there at all; I don't think casual hookups are healthy either. Certainly not with total strangers. To each their own I suppose!

I wouldn't count yourself out. This stuff does need built and nurtured IMO though. My early to mid 20s were a total write off for various reasons, but it did come around again. Took some work though, not even the romantic connections, the friendship connections.

I'd start with hobbies, embrace the things that you really love, and see where that takes you. Maybe even some voluntary work; that actually really helped me be more open and connect with people again. I had a huge shock in the my late teens/early 20s and, following a 12-18 month bout of mania and grief (less charitably, a full-blown episode), I just completely shut down. It wasn't even depression; I felt absolutely nothing. Going through the motions with regards to everything.

Mid 30s now and the situation is rather different; it's been a gradual process.