I don't think I'm presenting myself in a non-masculine way, superficially speaking (clothing etc). Honestly, I don't even have a fashion sense, let alone a 'feminine' one, whatever that means. Nor do I have a feminine body type. But my behavior, mannerisms, voice, interests etc seem to clash with masculine stereotypes, at least that's what I've been told. I don't have male friends because of that, or because of my insecurities and fears around men which I developed over the years. I would say that being slightly feminine/GNC as a man ultimately caused more problems in my life than the same-sex attraction part on its own, simply because I couldn't hide it via abstinence.

Mmm well to give a better idea of what I mean by "feminine fashion sense" as a guy, I'll just have to use myself as an example Hopefully this paints a better picture...? lol But yeah I can totally understand what you mean about the not having male friends because of the feminine personality. I haven't had male friends IRL since I was 13 and that was back before I started dressing femininely and while I had a feminine personality, my few friends didn't seem to judge me on it because we had other similar interests. But since then, never had any and usually got along with women since they were the ones who didn't mock or judge me as much as guys did. So I get what you mean there.

I'm 30 now, so when I was a kid there were no social media, no TRAs and no gender identity. But I can vividly remember a huge chunk of my childhood when people constantly asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I had longer hair, spoke "differently", didn't play sports and rather sat with the girls and loved to draw. Nothing especially feminine if you ask me. But back then, some kids and adults were genuinely confused, some even angry at me for reasons I couldn't comprehend. I unintentionally and regularly provoked violent behavior because of that. I already knew that I was 'different', because I liked the same pop stars and actors like my (female) friends, and secretly agreed when they talked about how 'cute' those looked. Since I had no concept of homosexuality, I drew my own conclusions based on the terms I knew: I was an unmanly weirdo, a girly boy, a disgusting pervert. Maybe even dangerous. As an 8 year-old child, I already internalized the sad 'truth' that life had nothing in store for me, and that I have no place in society. I wonder if things were different if I was a more typical boy (who happens to be homosexual).

AH okay. I'm 29 so a year younger than you so we grew up in the same kinda armosphere (1991 baby here lol). Yeah you're right, none of that stuff was around when we were younger and all that stuff came a little after we graduated high school and social media really took off in 2010 where it became an integral thing for every day life in the first world compared to the early 00s when it was still developing (Myspace and AIM and all that lol). And I'm sorry that you feel this way but I do understand it... Like reading what you said, I could see a little of myself in it as well. I think the thing that REALLY makes it hard is that there aren't many feminine male role models. Like at the most, we had Boy George and Pete Burns but aside from them, not very many (not including Drag Queens... They are just entertainers, I'm tlaking men who are unironically feminine and okay with it). Boy George eventually dropped his feminine look for a more masculine look in older age but Pete Burns stuck with his feminine look till the day he died and he never made apologies for being a and I quote, "A man who likes beauty". Even when people started making accusations that he was trans in the late 2000s, he would not be having it. In short, Pete Burns was great (RIP) and if we had more feminine guys like him, I feel it would've helped more feminine little boys see that there are others just like him. That's why I stay true to myself and looking the way I WANT to look even if it makes life a little hard at times.

I often wished I was a girl, simply because then everything about me would make sense in my childish mind. I can say with utmost certainty that if an authority figure (a parent, teacher or doctor) chose to talk to me back then, and proposed to me the almost magical possibility to change me, to become a real girl, I would've jumped at that opportunity! For a child like me, it would've been the equivalent of a fairy granting you a wish. And this is why it's so damn dangerous for gay and lesbian kids. Because I think most of us share similar life stories. And for most of us, none of these thoughts persisted when we reached adulthood.

I won't lie, I probably would've done the same and fell victim to the trans narrative if I was a kid now or if an authority figure urged me back then as a child. But remember the real problem isn't us, it's fucking society. They're the ones who are deeming that we guys can't be into feminine things (or girls be into masculine things - or in their case, lookingg masculine -) and the only way to try to combat is for us to continue being true to ourselves. It's kinda already happened with butch women thanks to the feminist movement (before the third wave fucked it up) where they were saying that a woman doesn't have to subscribe and conform to femininity if they don't want to and after a few decades, butch women have become kinda the norm. What I mean is that you're more likely to see some women sporting a super masculine style and not really thinking much of it (unless you're like super conservative) but this just has not happened with feminine men yet. And Drag culture doesn't count because that stuff is just costume, a lot of drag queens don't look feminine in their day to day life if that makes sense.