LesbianAs a lesbian I'm incredibly distraught with everything that's been happening. Is there solutions?

submitted by Dravidian from self.LGBDropTheT

I just need to vent, I hope that's okay. I've been on gender critical subs secretly for a while but since the reddit bans I've peaked and peaked hard and I watch our community disintegrate more and more and I'm struggling to cope with it.

With COVID I'm finding myself browsing Reddit and social medias a whole lot and I only see violence. Against LGB people, but also a lot of violence against women in general, like on r/periods or r/pcos. I've been from subbing to all the LGBT and a lot of women subs and I've shed them over the last few months because I can only see trans shit everywhere. I feel like dick is forced down my throat. Very meloramatic but it's been depressing me. It's like everywhere I step online people are waiting for me to consent to my own oppression. I can't have an online community without being reminded that "women have to accept girldick!!" It's awful.

And there's not much I can do IRL. My gf know but don't really care or believe me. She's autistic and thus doesn't believe in gender as a fixed thing linked to your sex, and I feel like it's a divide between us. I have lgbt friends and trans friends and they're fine but they're also not taking a stand against the erosion of the community and the press ganging trans activists are imposing on LGB and women.

It's like nobody is seeing what's happening. I know I hould just stop looking at social medias but it's not just online, and some people mostly have online communities.

What can we do? We can't just hide away on saidit until everywhere else is scorched earth. I find myself wanting to peak people around me, and every day I have to stop myself from posting something denouncing the homophobia and misogyny of trans people on /trueoffmychest or /unpopularopinion. I just want to rouse consciousness... But would it change anything?

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[–]MyLongestJourney 33 insightful - 2 fun33 insightful - 1 fun34 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

It's like nobody is seeing what's happening.

A lot of people see what is happening.Including heterosexual people.And they are resisting.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This. The main problem is that we're being silenced and shut down and banned. That's why it "seems" no one is seeing what's happening.

[–]insta 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's why it "seems" no one is seeing what's happening.

Many people are unspokenly aware that if they stand against the approved talking points they'll eventually be out of a job. If you make enough noise about kids transitioning, which is a very uncontroversial subject by polling, you're just putting a target on your back. We're all aware that we're just one viral tweet away from not being able to make mortgage payments and never getting a job again. If you're a white collar worker you have so much to lose with this shit. You think any serious firm is going to hire you after some journalistic rag puts you on some hate list? No. That's four years of college (or more), student debt, and all your career-advancing effort down the drain.

You can advocate anonymously but those days are quickly coming to an end.

[–]Madsea 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Get loud. I’m very loud. I’ve networked so I can combat dog piles with dog piling them right back.

On book of faces, go to major media stories in TQ issues and SPAM THE SHIT out of common sense statements. Drop memes of comments allow. Do it as much as you can.

I wish I could show you all my dms of all the women contacting me to say thank you, because they’re not in a position to speak up.

The sooner we all loudly and collectively shout “NO!” the sooner the insanity will end.

Stay strong!

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

People are seeing it happening. It sounds negative but lesbians are inconsequential and an afterthought of an afterthought to most people. That will likely never change.

You have to appeal to how it effects men. And currently it's not, but imo it's only a matter of time.

[–]Dravidian[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You are sadly right. But I don't see them going after men, except gay men. They very well know they'd get hit and insulted and laughed right out of their dellusion while women will coddle them.

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

They'll push too much eventually. I'd point to that stupid yuri subreddit that transwomen are trying to get included in, they're getting push back for it.

I wouldn't exactly consider gay men to be experiencing what women are experiencing with this. I'd say a ton are profiting off of it. Straight men I think could relate more, they have more focus on women in their lives.

[–]Dravidian[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Gay men are getting bullied by trans men, who are quite harmless outside of smear campaigns, that's true. But on reddit they're still backed up by the AGP powermods.

[–]denverkrisMy pronouns are Vodka?/Yes!/please 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Reddit is a leftist bearded wokebro male dominated site that is mostly run by Tim's. They dont have subs so much as they have echo chambers. Also, sounds like you might be ovarit.com

[–]Dravidian[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I am definitely. How can I get an invite code for it?

[–]BEB 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

If you go to s/GenderCritical there's a few posts about Ovarit, including one in the last few days. The posts tell you how to message one of the GC sub's mods, who will then give you a code for Ovarit. I think the mod is s/FlapYourWings, but I'm not positive.

[–]Dravidian[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Done that! thank you!

[–]BEB 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Great! Please try to stay on SAIDIT too, because I think it's extremely important that we also post in a place where "normies" can see our thoughts.

[–]RandomInternetLes 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I've been seeing all these attitudes on more than just reddit, like tiktok and other cesspools and what happened with the user g0thick who got sent death threats and more because she said lesbians don't have to like dick. It's also been affecting my mental health very negatively so if anyone has any tips on how they are dealing with this please share.

[–]BEB 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Have you checked out women's groups (often allied with gay men) that are fighting gender ideology? There are now many women from across the political spectrum uniting and fighting back worldwide. Check out s/GenderCritical for information.

Mods - I hope it is OK to link this poster, given what she's said, to GC SAIDIT. If not please delete.

[–]RandomInternetLes 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks, I have been in gender critical groups and servers before it's often made me feel kinda hopeless seeing the bashing they receive and the communities taken down and silenced. I wish there was a way to see numbers of how many people are in support of lgb people who are opposed to this, I think then I would feel a bit calmer. And I wish they had an organization like lgb alliance where I'm from.

[–]BEB 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Things are changing: gay men, women of all political types, parents of kids being sucked into thinking they're transgender, are all uniting and pushing back, sometimes successfully. So, if you can't find hope in your own country at the moment, maybe look at how change is happening in other countries and know that, eventually, it will reach yours.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I feel the same way. I need to take breaks from reading about it, it is so discouraging. I came out when lesbians were actual lesbians. To watch the disintegration of LGB has really been too much for me. I still don’t even understand how it happened. I was living my life, raising kids with my partner, working FT and other than our circle of lesbian friends, I just was not involved in the community like I was in my 20’s. I had no idea of the insidious trans creep and erasure of our lesbian sexuality.

It is an absolute shitshow now. Lesbians are a minority within a minority. We are women that do not need or want men, therefore, disposable and inconsequential to the gay or heterosexual community.

Yes, it kind of breaks my heart. I know how it used to be. I came out in the late 1970’s.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Reason why I've always felt more in connection with feminism than any gay community. It represents lesbians much better than the gay community, that always had men at the forefront anyway.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

In your opinion, would you consider the "progressive" homophobia now worse or more 'tolerant' than the one you faced in 70's, 80's, 90's? This is just out of curiosity as I only realised my sexuality a decade ago, so I'm still "pretty new" to the community in comparison to you.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The progressive homophobia is much, much worse. Anyone coming out in the 70’s or 80’s only had to deal with heterosexual homophobia. I was married to a man and had kids. In my teens, I did not even know what gay was. No one talked about it. I had a friend once mention that someone was queer but I had no idea what she meant and I didn’t ask her because it seemed like it was something bad.

We had no internet in the dark ages.

I began to figure out I was a lesbian when I got involved with the women’s liberation movement. I was divorced before I started to become aware of attraction to women. After my divorce (and had accepted that I was a lesbian) I got involved with the very politically and socially active lesbian community.

We did not have any of the shit lesbians deal with today. Drag queens were very few in number and they identified as gay men that liked to play with drag.

There was no presence in the lesbian or gay community of trans people. There was not even a word “trans”.

Lesbians and gays had community.

Lesbians had each other.

Progressive homophobia is on another whole level. Denying our sexual orientation? Denying that biological sex is real? Gender bullshit? Pretending men are women? Erasure, erasure. Straight people did not do anything near what progressives and libfems do.

I hate how it is now. I really fear that we have lost this battle. Twitter, FB, Reddit. All incubators of lesbian and gay erasure.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah that's what I though :( thanks for your answer, I really appreciated it :)

[–]BEB 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's the way I remember it too.

[–]VioletRemiCat, homosexual one 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Reminded me my experience, when I was not aware what even homosexuality is until the divorce (I was thinking I am frigid, tho, and sexologist said that too), and did not knew about that word. That was in 90s-2000s, tho, but in USSR/post-USSR, where all info was removed, banned, censored, edited out, and all media was very strongly controlled and internet was pretty expensive.

[–]yishengqingwa666Adult Human Female 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

RedditHatesWomen

Come find us on Spinster. xo

[–]Seahorse 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

With time this movement will pass, you have to remember there's a lot going on in the world.

But there's plenty of push back and it will increase. JK Rowling continues to keep it in the news.

It WILL pass though have faith, this has happened before (ridiculous cult like behaviours that dominate for a few decades).

[–]filbs111 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If you are already spending time on reddit, and you see posts from people who are having a hard time with the atmosphere on reddit and would have a better time of it here, try messaging them to let them know what the alternatives are. If you want to be more proactive, note that you can use removeddit to see deleted comments. This is a quick way to find messages from people who might want to hear! For example, https://www.removeddit.com/r/PCOS/comments/hmlhjc/rpcos_is_an_inclusive_community/

In a way it is "hiding away", but when the hiding place is a bustling and pleasant community, more people will find it by word of mouth etc. Many people only put up with toxic environments of reddit, twitter et al, because of the amount of traffic they receive.

[–]RippoffOfLoveSStraight | Overuses quotation marks 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just learned that Firefox users must disable "enhanced tracking protection" on removeddit for it to work. Hope this helps someone.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Not sure what you meant by saying 'my girlfriend is autistic and thus doesn't believe gender as a fixed thing linked to sex'. I'm autistic and while at first I thought the same thing, after being bombarded with trans propaganda, I peaked and understood that it's all bullshit. Her having autism shouldn't be a reason why she believes in that bull, but I have to agree that a ton of people on the spectrum are attracted to the gender ideology because they want to fit in somewhere, and they also love to label themselves to understand themselves better. I'd suggest curating a bunch of resources that are for and against gender ideology and see if it peaks her.

[–]Dravidian[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

So far it doesn't peak her. As I've understood from her position she doesn't get what a woman is supposed to be and doesn't "vibe" (sorry, not English and very tired, so approximating here) with the concept. She doesn't care about it much, or nearly at all, but she also considering herself not technically cis because she has no idea what a gender is so she can't in good faith say she's a woman, even though she never says anything else either and isn't trying to say she's genderless or non binary or whatever. As far as I understand what she's vaguely told me years ago, at least. And of course I understand autistic people usually have each their own definition of stuff and sensitivities and aren't one whole thing with the same believes and views and perceptions or lack thereof. It doesn't help that she never has to interact with men except her own father, which she does only at arms' length, and was, and still is, very sheltered. So she doesn't feel like there's any tangible threat on women or lesbians. I gave her the google doc links about the compilations of tweets and stuff, and talked with her a lot, but she mostly shrugs and tell me to get off twitter. Frustrating. But she also doesn't care that I hold these beliefs, so... At least i'm not going to loose her, I guess.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, autistic logic is pretty odd, tbh, and I can see where she's coming from. The lack of interaction with men is definitely affecting her opinion, since most opinions are based on personal experiences, and if there is a lack of them (good or bad), it can make discussing such things very difficult. I guess the important thing is that she doesn't hold your beliefs against you, even though she dismisses your worries. Fingers crossed she peaks soon!