BisexualOpinions on hetero/homoflexibility

submitted by BiHorror from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

I think in our current society, everyone is assumed to be straight unless proven otherwise. This includes people's assumptions about themselves. We've heard plenty of stories of L's and G's who thought they were straight and didn't realize how they feel about the same and opposite sex isn't how "all the other straight people" feel about the same and opposite sex. I've heard so many older generation women talk about "Well, we were always told sex was supposed to be awful and hurt and bleed, and good girls don't like sex, so when we hated sex with our husbands, we thought that was normal, we didn't realize it's because we are lesbians!"

(Oh gosh this is gearing up to be a long one, let me try to reel it back in........)

Anyway, contrast with ancient Greece where supposedly, being bisexual was the norm and everyone was just expected to be bi. (This is something I've heard multiple times, but I have to admit, part of me doesn't really believe it, because I've also seen ancient Greeks try to insult each other by calling each other gay or pedophile. If someone knows more about this, I welcome their input.)

So without writing a whole book chapter, what I'm trying to say is that there are TONS of bisexual people out there who have no idea that they are bisexual. Most of them think they are straight, a few of them think they are L or G. But suddenly they end up in boarding school, the military, prison, or some other same-sex environment and they're gobbling cock and eating puss like it's their last meal. How does this keep happening? How do so many straight people end up with prison wives and husbands like it's no big deal?

It's my opinion that these people are like Kinsey 1's or Kinsey 0.5's or Kinsey 0.00001's and their "heteroflexibility" doesn't come into play until they choose to allow it.

I think a lot of these unknowing bisexuals spend their entire lives believing they are straight and they just assume "all the other straight people" feel the same way they do about the same sex. Like a woman might think "Of course all women find (famous actress) incredibly sexy! They have eyes, don't they?" and they might understand how a gay guy might not find that famous actress sexually appealing because a small minority of vocal gay men go on and on about how they find women's certain body parts disgusting, so there's that element of disgust there, and we understand disgust. But why would a fellow woman be disgusted by another woman's body parts? We all have the same parts. That's how the logic goes. (Do real straight women actually find other women's privates 'disgusting?' I actually don't know the answer to this, but I do know straight men go on and on about how disgusting other men's bodies are, except when they're slobbering over body-builders and athletes... So there's that....)

So my theory is hetero/homoflexible people are just confused bisexuals from the range of Kinsey 0.0001-1 and Kinsey 5-5.9999.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

This is true. My mother is an unknowing bisexual and only recently, after years of my coming out, did she ALMOST admit that PERHAPS she COULD be bisexual 😂😂😂 When I came out, my mom told me it was normal for girls to feel attraction for other girls as she did too! I was so confused because, UNLIKE HER, I'm not bisexual, and ONLY felt attraction towards women 😅 My mom has learnt to repress her same sex attractions and believe it was something 'every girl' feel and has lots of internalized homophobia too and I don't think she will ever admit to herself that she's bi. She tells me I'm obsessed with labels ahahahahahaha. I just say I'm a lesbian lol, but she projects her insecurity into me because she prefers not to think about it and shut it down and not label herself.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 9 fun12 insightful - 8 fun13 insightful - 9 fun -  (1 child)

Oh man, I would love to hear stories about your mom's unknowing bisexual moments. When I was closeted I said the gayest shit all the time and no one ever seemed to notice and call me out on it. But then when I did come out they suddenly remembered everything and were like "Oh yea that explains everything."

"Why are there no attractive boys in our high school [containing thousands of boys]? Why are the girls so much better looking?"

"Wow, [girl] is so much better looking than her boyfriend." (for literally everyone)

"Why are women so much more attractive than men? It's not fair how hard it is to find an attractive guy."

"I really hate when I'm at the club and a guy tries to dance with me. Ew. I want to only dance with my [female] friends."

"I can't go to prom with a guy. That'd be weird."

"So do you [girls] actually like the guys you're dating, or. . . .?"

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

LOL, I said almost all of those as well.

[–]BiHorror[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oof, I can relate to your mom sadly. Only difference is mine almost took it to the point where I thought becoming FTM would've been an better option when it came to dating/being attracted to other women. Didn't help that I wasn't like the most feminine of girls, and of course, around that time i started learning about transgenderism.

[–]BiHorror[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good point! I always found when people using ancient greeks always rubbed me in the wrong way. Especially since there was the whole pederasty going on and "allowing" mlm within Sparta outta what was realistically opportunistic reasons (which the reasoning was: if male soldiers loved each other, then they would fight better DURING war/military to keep the other safe. When it came to pederasty... That was enabled pedophilia).

[–]drew0594 3 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

I've also seen ancient Greeks try to insult each other

How old are you? :D

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Anyway, contrast with ancient Greece where supposedly, being bisexual was the norm and everyone was just expected to be bi. (This is something I've heard multiple times, but I have to admit, part of me doesn't really believe it, because I've also seen ancient Greeks try to insult each other by calling each other gay or pedophile. If someone knows more about this, I welcome their input.)

You might want to check out the book "Bisexuality in the Ancient World" by Eva Cantarella (covers Rome too, but lots on Greece, plus the latter's practices in this area were deliberately emulated by the former to some extent [cuz snob appeal]).

I'm with you on not really believing the "ancient Greeks = TOTES BI!" canard (much as I like the idea of an officially ambisextrous Hellenistic world); seems a serious oversimplification. First, doesn't seem like we're really talking "Greece" here so much as Sparta and (esp.) Athens; second, as you yourself observed re: Sparta, this institution of male-erotic-activity-with-both-sexes had a social meaning that was very culturally-specific, and doesn't necessarily translate into modern terms (such as what we currently define as "bisexuality") at all.

For example, Athenian "bisexuality"'s M/M component was strictly between men and boys: adult dudes who got with each other (particularly as-- horrors!-- EQUALS) were absolutely NOT part of this institution, and in fact despised. Further, it basically played the role of educational system (believe it or not); since "schools" had yet to be invented, well-born Athenian women were kept completely ignorant (as lifelong illiterate shut-ins), and dads (whose lives revolved around politics, intellectual pursuits, and latter-day "call girls") couldn't be bothered with their sons, boys needed SOMEBODY to provide guidance/supervise their development and maturation... so this is how that happened! Seriously! Grown-ass guy plays mentor/benefactor to boy he gets all dewy-eyed & horny over, till puberty really sets in, the "relationship" dissolves, and both go on to take the man-role with other lads. (Grades 1-12 obviously couldn't be introduced soon enough for these people.)

So, WORLDS away from anything that our pink-purple-and-blue flag stands for, basically.