ColonizationThis can’t be real, I really hope it’s a joke

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[–]jiljol 9 insightful - 9 fun9 insightful - 8 fun10 insightful - 9 fun -  (5 children)

It's funny seeing people (OP included) in the comments justifying the inclusion of polyamory. They are saying that, since polyamorous people are "marginalized" by mainstream society, they belong in the oppression alphabet soup. Cool, then let's add an "F" for the foot fetishists. How about an "AB" for Adult Babies while you're at it?

[–]quickbeam 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

There are honestly some polyamorous people for whom being poly is pretty intrinsic. I'm one of them. It's also not on the level of a fetish or primarily sexual for me. I don't try to insert that identity into the alphabet or LGB spaces, but there are people in the poly community with rights concerns. Poly people who have several committed long-term partners with whom they raise children can be fired from jobs, discriminated against by landlords, or have their child custody threatened despite offering a safe home. It doesn't rise to the same level as LGB rights, but it also isn't very sensible or justifiable to fire somebody for the mere fact of having more sexual/romantic partners than the standard. Especially when there's so much cheating within ostensibly monogamous relationships.

[–]jiljol 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Polyamory is ultimately a lifestyle and sexual choice. Are there challenges associated with it? Sure, just like with many other lifestyle and sexual choices (furries, adult babies, etc). Should the law be amended to confer micro-rights to every single lifestyle choice on Earth? That's gonna be a legal minefield, particularly when you are dealing with multi-partner arrangements. In the hypothetical event that polyamorous people receive marriage rights, what happens if one partner falls ill and medical decisions need to be made? How can you determine custody arrangements in a polyamorous relationship with say, 10+ co-parents? In the event that one or multiple partners file for divorce, how should assets be split? Typically the law distinguishes between assets accrued before and after two parties are married, but what happens when at least one of the partners seeking a divorce was brought into the fold at a later time?

Not calling you a liar, but I'd like to see these cases of polyamorous people being fired, evicted and losing their children. The closest I can find in terms of employment is a case in Brisbane, Australia, where a female counselor was fired by her employers, the Catholic Church. Upon closer inspection, it turns out the woman was posting on polyamorous websites, advertising herself as a "poly-friendly" counselor working for the Catholic Church. Obviously she was immediately fired for violating their code of conduct, and a judge eventually ruled against her. I have nothing against polyamory and I feel that nobody, even if theoretically speaking, should be discriminated against based on what they choose to do with their lives (as long as it's within the boundaries of the law). On the other hand, surely you must see all the legal hurdles faced by polyamory that extend beyond simple arbitrary discrimination?

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Sheikhs are polyamory and have dozens of wives, and they have no problems in their countries. But LGB people are executed by law there. And laws for polyamory there are simple - man is always right.

[–]quickbeam 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's not really a lifestyle and sexual choice for me, though. From my early childhood I've had crushes or been in love with more than one person at the same time. I thought I was broken because we live in a society that basically venerates monogamy as the only moral option. When I found out polyamory existed it was a big "aha" moment for me. Again, I don't think it's at the same level as sexual orientation, and there is a big umbrella of non-monogamy which does encompass many people for whom it may be a lifestyle or sexual choice, but there are people who identify as polyamorous where their lovers are their family. They would like to be married to more than one person. A lot of us are women married to feminists.

In terms of discrimination - if you google polyamory and custody you can find a number of articles about custody battles with polyamory. I don't have kids so this thankfully isn't an issue for me. In terms of employment, it's more that polyamorous people keep things hidden on purpose because they assume they'd be subject to firing especially in conservative areas of the country. In Seattle it may be no big deal, but that's not true everywhere. In terms of housing there are often clauses in rentals that prohibit more than 2 non-related adults to cohabitate. So I could live with my partner and my sibling, but I couldn't live with two partners. I could live with my partner and 4 kids but not two partners because I can't be legally related to more than one romantic interest.

In terms of legality, you'd probably need to make law tailored to polyamorous people - but this could be as simple as you add a clause where polyamorous people must write up legal documents assigning ownership/wills/custody as part of having their relationships legally recognized. You could also still limit who counts as dependents on taxes or insurance documents.

It's kind of sad to see a lot of assumptions made about polyamorous people. There are a lot of people out there using the label to do shitty things which aren't really polyamorous. But there are a lot of just really normal, committed, ethical poly people out there too just trying to enjoy their lives and love more than one person romantically or sexually at the same time. We're so boring you probably know some of us already.