Gay MenSerious question, how do you feel about gay guys having trans boyfriends?

submitted by MarkLasley from (self.LGBDropTheT)

I was just wondering. My best friend has a trans boyfriend, they're incredibly adorable together, and I know for certain that I'm fine with it. They really do love eachother. I'm just wondering, how do you feel about it? I'm just hoping that you folk don't think "trans people aren't valid" but more "trans people tale too much attention away from LGB folk" (Which I personally would disagree with, but would completely understand. I just like to understand folk I disagree with.)

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[–]Gearbeta 37 insightful - 2 fun37 insightful - 1 fun38 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

If they love each other then that is what matters and my opinion shouldn't affect that. I'm perfectly ok with anyone dating whoever they want although I would not consider a man whose dating a transman to be gay just as I would not consider a woman who dates a transwoman to be a lesbian.

[–]LisaNewcarr 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Would you consider a woman dating a trans-man to be a lesbian?

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'd consider them pansexual, personally.

But then I tend to consider trans people a 'third' gender--neither actually male nor actually female. They're trans, and so they inherently appeal to people who are open to relationships with transgendered people--pansexuals.

[–]midnight305 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Believe it or not , not all pans are up to dating trans either. I have a few pan friends who wont date a transgender.

[–]Gearbeta 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes. Either that or she's bisexual. I would not say she is a straight woman.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 31 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 0 fun32 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I would have no problem with them dating. In the strictest sense I would not consider it a homosexual relationship because it’s not. And I wouldn’t consider your friend to be gay/homosexual. I wouldn’t have the biggest problem in the world calling himself that but the problem is when bisexual people like that project their experiences onto homosexual people and speak on behalf of homosexual people and act like based on their own experience that actual gay/homosexual people can be attracted to the opposite sex. And it does end up being a slippery slope because it creates that impression when people simply say things like “I’m a cis gay man dating a trans man.” The implication is that homosexual people can be attracted to the opposite sex and that therefore there is something wrong and nefarious about all of the gays and lesbians saying they can’t be. It gives credence to calling us bigots when we’re the ones who are just homosexual and it also gives credence to homosexuality being an outdated word and concept which is why some people are suggesting it’s offensive.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

THIS! Perfectly put. (the rest of the answers were also pretty spot on and I honestly agree with them all, but this one addresses the issues that this "labeling as you wish and lack of consistensy" brings.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't "feel about it." I don't care what other people do. As long as they do it away from me and don't force me to be included. That goes for both men who date "trans men" and men who date hyper macho toxic guys. I don't want any of that in my life.

Also "valid" is a fucking meaningless word just FYI. I don't think trans people are "valid" nor is anyone, it means nothing.

[–]indeepshadowsBi woman 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I may consider people who date transsexual people to be more or less bisexual, but who consenting adults date and how they define themselves is none of my business. So long as they're not telling other people who they're supposed to be attracted to, it's all fine by me. I'm glad your friend has found someone to make him happy; love is something to be celebrated!

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

valid as a human being? we all are. valid as a homosexual couple? Uh, no. PIV sex isn't gay sex after all. That would make him pan.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To quote a post I wrote a few days ago:

I have come to realise that a lot more people identify as gay and straight who are actually somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale than I thought.

I mean, "I'm straight but I'd bang a dude if he looks enough like a girl" isn't straight any more than "I'm gay but I'd bang a girl if she looks enough like a guy" is gay.

Lots of people clinging to the desperate belief that they're straight or gay when they're blatantly not.

If anything it should provide those people the introspection required to appreciate that they're not actually the sexuality they identify as, and provide trans people with the reassurance and comfort that, just like 'the rest of us', there are people who will be open to relationships with them and those who won't.

In saying that, as long as people are happy together then that's all that matters.

But for every voice I hear asking who gives someone the right to dictate someone else's sexuality, there's a reciprocal voice asking who gave them the right to appropriate a sexuality that is certainly not theirs.

[–]ns_for_work 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wouldn't consider it a gay relationship, or them gay since they're of opposite sex (not homosexual) , but I don't have anything against it as a relationship

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Have a couple of old friends that are transgender, but they're pretty cool. Both are ftm/tif and they don't do that hogwash a lot of tra's do. They use female bathrooms and changing rooms; one of them does say they're a gay male, but the other one is bisexual or pansexual. I'm just glad that they're not crazy like other TQ's are. With biology, I consider a transman and a male with xy chromosomes straight. If the transman has bottom surgery, I still consider them straight by biology definition. Gender identity is different, but if the transman hasn't had bottom surgery, I'd still consider them straight. If the transman has bottom surgery, I'd consider them gay by gender identity only, but straight by sex. I still respect what they consider themselves, because I don't have to agree with them tbh.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think they are bisexual or pansexual, neither are gay despite “appearing” gay as a couple. I think they are not doing homosexuals or bisexuals any favours by using inaccurate labels when it is likely that they are having heterosexual sex together.

Window dressing is not homosexuality, and it would be best if we stopped agreeing that it is.

That being said, who cares if they are dating, and it’s likely they will keep calling themselves homosexual because it seems like everyone wants to be us even when they are not us.

[–]fijupanda 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's not my business who someone dates or doesn't date. It's perfectly fine to date a trans person. Don't know why it would bother me or anyone else. Just don't push anyone into relationships with someone who they don't want to date or fuck or call them transphobic for simply being lesbian or gay or bisexual.

[–]notdelusionalbased faggot 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's a straight relationship with extra steps. Big fucking deal.

[–]eirbjorntransphobia incarnate 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They are a straight couple socially perceived as a gay couple. I feel about them the same way I feel about any other straight relationship — couldn’t care less.

[–]midnight305 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not gay , straight, or bi at the very least .

Real gay men dont like pussy, only fake gays pretend to be gay to get pussy because it turns women on.

Meet plenty of fake gays and lesbians in my day....reason why where in this huge mess ti begin with.

[–]Seahorse 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would not consider your friend gay if he's dating someone who is female (but presenting as a man) but there's nothing wrong with that. He's pansexual, ironically I think this is the appropriate use of that god awful word queer. A queer relationship.

Words matter and it's important that our words are protected, gay means homosexual, same sex attraction.

[–]zerosis 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

As long as people are happy, I think it's great. I'll never question another man's love or personal choices as long as he's not hurting anyone against their will. The whole reason for this anti-TRA movement is that they're trying to force their dogma on US, not the other way around.

[–]theysaidthat 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't give a shit. Just don't expect the same from me.

[–]dandeliondynasty 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No problem with people living their life. If my friend dates someone obese that’s fine as long as they’re not pressuring me to do the same.