Men's IssuesJacob Tobia Promotes “Niceguyness” as Trans Oppression

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[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 13 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 5 fun -  (8 children)

I'm bad at explaining this and I probably don't even have to here, but guys like Jacob Tobia, and Alok Vaid-Menon have this fashion sense/aesthetic that makes me feel a specific type of disgust, like I'm looking at someone covered in poop. The clothes, the make up, the smarmy vibe coming off these two dudes - it all codes in my brain like wet, smelly poop, smeared all over their bodies. It's repulsive through pictures, and can you imagine how repulsive it must be IRL? I'm not surprised no one wants to approach them sexually, and I'm actually surprised they have friends at all.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It's very uncanny. I don't know how else to describe it. I think we as a society aren't used to seeing bright lipstick on men (aside from drag performances and comedy) so something registers as "wrong", but also... it's the look in their faces and attitudes as well. It looks like they're completely out of touch with women, or even feminine males, and try to emulate them without knowing what actually looks good and works.

[–]Criticallacitirc[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No one wants to look like they're "trying" too hard, it turns people off because unconsciously it signals lack of confidence. Attention seeking behavior is a turn off to people. Confident people have a natural ease to themselves that people find attractive. Like Jonathan Van Ness wears skirts all of the time & I think it looks fine.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly, it's not even the lipstic/feminine, (I actually like that, when it's done well) it's the choices of the specific garments (they just look so bad, and poor color choice with the make up) and the stubble, and like you said, the looks on their faces. There's something wrong there. Uncanny is a great word for it.

[–]notdelusionalbased faggot 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

It's the same reason why ketchup being red isn't a social construct. Green ketchup is simply undesirable to most people for reasons we don't fully understand that don't have anything to do with society.

[–]JulienMayfair 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I really don't think it's so much the looks in and of themselves. Tobia, though I do find him terribly annoying, has pulled off some interesting looks. (Vaid-Menon is just obviously trying to make himself look like a clown.)

It's something about the attitude, the demand you feel at all times to take them very seriously. It's the pomposity and pretentiousness.

In contrast, I love Trixie Mattel, and I think Brian Firkus (Trixie without makeup) is oddly adorable.

Who would want to be romantically involved with someone who has made their gender their entire career? Can you imagine how exhausting that would be?

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You know I think you hit on something here. Tobia/Vaid-Menon DEMAND emotional labor from us. We MUST validate them or else we are horrible people. But Trixie Matel (or most of the drag queens from RPDR, I haven't seen all the seasons) would never demand something like that from us. In comparison Tobia/Vaid-Menon feel like emotional vampires who want to suck out our souls, they have that hungry look.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

I can't imagine why straight and gay men don't find him attractive

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/66/Jacob_Tobia_at_Microsoft_NERD.jpg/1200px-Jacob_Tobia_at_Microsoft_NERD.jpg

[–]Radfem_the_Hun 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

A bookshelf filled with board games and tchotchkes, but no books. It's almost the perfect analogy for TRAs.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

heh, just noticed... he didn't even have one book to put there, not even a picture book.

[–]PainfulTruthsMatter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The one comment on the Medium article is such an obvious fucking sealioning attempt:

Would you be so confident to make this criticism when it is (non-conventionally attractive) cis women making the same complaint?

Which is of course responded to perfectly:

Yes.

The link you posted deals with the myth that “women can get laid whenever they want.” I think only the truly aesthetically and socially gifted among us, of any gender, are capable of such a feat. And I don’t think that myth has any bearing on this conversation.

If a cis woman acted entitled to sex, I would call that out, too. Especially if she tried to portray her lack of romance as some kind of macro-level social problem.