DiscussionCan all LGB people say the gay slur?

submitted by EnchantingSiren from self.LGBDropTheT

Gay slur = f word. I had a really surprising discussion the other day. I was being attacked and insulted for saying that only gay men should say the f word. After some discussion, I realized that not just gay men are affected by this word. I eventually decided to say that if you have personally experienced being called this slur, then I guess it is fair for you to reclaim. But I don't see how you can reclaim a slur that was never yours to begin with - and while the vast majority of gay men have been called the f word, lesbians, bisexuals and pansexuals (not sure if y'all count pan as a part of LGB+? but I'll add them here anyway) have not. That doesn't mean they cant be called the f word or experience discrimination, it just means most of them go through different AND similar experiences to gay men. Idk, I thought it was super odd to hear that all LGB and TQ+ people can say the f word. I am a bisexual woman. I have never experienced discrimination based on my sexuality. If I was to "reclaim the f word", I really hope that I'd be slapped into reality, because that just seems disgusting and so out of my place. What do you guys think?

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[–]Ambisextrous 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think it depends on the context, I don’t think women should say it unless they are in a space with other LGB people where the comfort level is high with all parties. The same for men saying the d word.

Also you can’t really reclaim a slur if you have never been called it, so someone self identifying with the f slur and never been called it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe I’m just over sensitive because I got it a lot at school so if I heard non GB men saying it that I didn’t know I’d feel a bit shit, I wouldn’t care if it was an LGB friend of mine.

[–]EnchantingSiren[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Also you can’t really reclaim a slur if you have never been called it

yeah, thats what I dislike about it. This isn't my slur to claim

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I do. I'm Bisexual and say "Faggot" all the time. I dont let slurs bother me however and I only say it to close friends who know my sense of humor.

[–]FrenchiePup 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Oooh... that F word. It's like blacks using the N word. I don't get it, though. I never use it.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Its part of the English language. I shouldn't be restricted from using words based on my sexuality, race, or gender.

[–]FrenchiePup 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well I am not the one to tell you which words to use. I just find it insulting.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

And that means nothing to me.

[–]fuck_reddit 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My personal take is that anyone can say anything they'd please. I've found I become better friends with straight people by not getting offended with the use of the word. I also notice that this tends to help them become more accepting and, incidentally, use the word less. But in terms of "reclaiming a slur" lol why are other people trying to claim a slur as their own...

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How about no one says that word unless they personally know the people they're in the presence of and know that they're all ok with it?

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

It's not a word I like to hear at all

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Unpopular opinion, but: Yes. Anyone can use it. It's a word. It's not even that offensive in my opinion, and insisting that it's "forbidden" and that only certain people can use it only gives it more power. If you use it in a joking and lighthearted manner, the word loses it's impact. Gay man? Straight man? Lesbian woman? Bisexual people? Don't care. You can use it. I won't be offended; it doesn't matter WHO uses it as much as HOW it's used. Like, there's a big obvious difference between a straight woman saying "fag" as a joke directed at no one in particular, and another gay man calling me a "fag" specifically with the intent to insult/degrade me.

So I'm all for the word. It's so nonsensical these days that it's amusing, and it doesn't carry the stupid ideology that comes with "queer."

[–]EnchantingSiren[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I get what you mean. These people in particular only thought LGB and TQ+ people were allowed to say it though

[–]notdelusionalbased faggot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You haven't fully reclaimed something until you're able to allow other people to use it. When a person is offended by being called a particular word, it's because they are nagged by a fear of truth behind a particular meaning.

For example. I call myself a faggot. One of my straight buddies sometimes jokes around and says fag, which does not bother me. I'm a homosexual man with the battle scars to have earned its reclamation so other homosexual men and especially anyone else does not get to determine for me how I use it.

When people ask me why I use this word and am not offended by it, I tell them it's because I truly don't think there's anything wrong with homosexuality. Some people don't get it, so I further explain that if I thought there was some truth to the meaning when used as a slur (repulsive), I'd have reason to find a problem with its usage. I find nothing repulsive about homosexuality.

[–]dandeliondynasty 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with you and personally as a bi woman would not use it. For the same reason if another racial minority used a slur for my ethnic group I would not be impressed. In addition to gay men I also have bi male friends on the feminine side who have been called f- & are perceived as gay who use it.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm a lesbian and I don't see it as my word to reclaim and as a general matter I am not inclined to refer to anyone by that word. That being said, unlike the "n word" if I'm quoting something/someone else, I won't necessarily censor the "f word." I guess it depends on the context and whose company I'm in. I would never assume that any group of people would be comfortable with me saying that word.

[–]FrenchiePup 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What f word? Fisting?

It can be fun. Use lube. Plenty of it.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Words are meaningless without intent behind them.

Can call me whatever you like--it doesn't bother me. Call me something benign with the intent to be malicious and I will perceive it as malicious. Call me something that certain people for whatever reason consider malicious and yet the intent is benign and I will perceive it as benign.

I'll never quite grasp why people feel the need to be offended by words for no other reason than because they want to be offended by those words or because someone has convinced them that they should be offended by them.

It boggles my mind that people are upset by swearwords. It equally boggles my mind that calling someone a 'faggot' is perceived as hate speech if that's not the intent.

If by 'faggot' you mean that I'm a guy who's attracted to other guys and sleeps with guys then you're correct. Why would that offend me? If, however, by 'faggot' you mean that I'm a guy who's attracted to other guys and sleeps with guys and that I should be detested, reviled, looked down on, cast out, treated like shit or killed for it, then a line has been crossed.

It seems that there are people who have this patently unique capacity to differentiate between words and their intended, contextual meaning, and there are those who simply do not.

Stop giving words power over you. Stop shirking away from them. It's the difference between understanding context and knee-jerk reactionism.

[–]Jamiethiel2018 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I certainly was not on for lesbians to use it when I was active in the community. We have (had) dyke marches & dykes on bikes, so if you were a lesbian we were confortable calling ourselves this. I wouldn't be comfortable being called dyke my straight people. That would feel like an attack. It's a rather strange process, reclaiming slurs.

[–]zeusdx1118 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

(not sure if y'all count pan as a part of LGB+? but I'll add them here anyway)

Think about that a bit. There's 2 sexes...

You're either limited to 1 sex in your attractions or you aren't. Pansexuals are just bisexual. There's no real application for that term except in a scifi sex-with-aliens situation which in reality has yet to happen.

I mean, "But pansexuals are only attracted to people they like on the inside!"

...

Yeah... That's just how forming a good relationship or a solid attraction to someone works. I mean if a straight/gay/bisexual person likes someone and then finds out they're a shitty person, usually that attraction stops too. Further examining this, does anyone actually know another person on the inside anyway? How do you know they're not lieing, or that their personalities aren't an act? What would a pansexual actually be attracted to in that case, other than their own arbitrary perception, of someone who is regardless 1 of 2 sexes?

"reclaim the f word"

What do you guys think?

I agree it has no real meaning, but that doesn't stop black people from beating up and/or killing people for saying the N word, so if we're allowed to claim words then that's definitely our word. In my opinion, if I'm not allowed to say the N word in any context unless I'm black, you're not allowed to say the F word in any context unless you're openly attracted to the same sex. And yes, of course this isn't official, law, nor unanimously excepted. There's nothing reinforcing either, except what one person does to another afterwards.

[–]MakeAOCBartendAgain 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This needs to be like the "N" word. If you don't want it said, it needs to NEVER be said. No exceptions for rap songs or gay men.