i have no hope either.

realistically, even if i get settled for eventually, there's a good chance I won't be attracted to her. and she won't be attracted to me either. we'll have no long term plans, no projects, no dreams, no journeys to embark in together because by our late 30s we'll most likely already be settled into the jobs we'll be doing the rest of our lives. no one gets a new hobby or career that late in life. she'll abuse me verbally and emotionally and i'll have to tolerate it.

she'll most likely cheat on me, too. and i'll have to accept it because the alternative is rotting alone. rotting as a couple sounds better. Lol.

And here's the worst part. when i finally get to have sex and sleep next to someone, the could haves, should haves, would haves, will eat me up. "Hey i'm 37 and finally lost my virginity. this means i wasn't all that unfuckable. maybe if I had done this, or that, I could have done this 10 years ago...."

so no.

I have no hope. I'll never be happy. I should just shoot myself.