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[–]ISaidWhatISaid[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

From the article:

But as the Big Tiddy Goth continues her reign as the internet’s most unrequited crush, a burning question has emerged: Does the Big Tiddy Goth Girlfriend have a male counterpart? Where is her Big Dick Goth Boyfriend, and what in the Edgar Allen Poe has he been doing all this time?

Throw a hypothetical venti dick in the mix, and the appeal is undeniable. Imagine a dude so secure in his masculinity — or so uncommitted to it — that he tucks his giant cock into a pair of sheer black tights and empties a canister of volumizing hair spray into his mane before popping a Blu-ray of The Crow into your Xbox One. Imagine a man that lets you paint his nails and line his lids with Maybelline Liquid Eyeliner in Black Comet #510, but consoles you with a church organ rendition of “Love Will Tear Us Apart” when it turns out he looks so much better in it than you. Bask in the fantasy of him knowing this has no bearing on his sexuality — but that he’d be open to the experience if it did — and plunge into the deep, dark expanse of his emotions, which he’s written, in a locked diary, using the ink of his own blood. Later on, you’ll kiss under the full moon, the black of his lipstick tinting your mouth with the morbid stain of the undead.

That’s not to say that all goth men are effeminate, androgynous or even progressive. The only “girly” thing about Nick Cave was his impossibly voluminous hair, and Peter Murphy of Bauhaus barely dipped a toe in with his modest guyliner. Even Type O Negative’s legendary Peter Steele — who isn’t actually goth but is constantly conflated with it — was famously cis and heteronormative. Despite generating a reputation as The Quintessential Goth Boyfriend™ with his fully-nude Playgirl spreads, face-melting Jerry Springer appearances and an ever-growing reputation as a groupie magnet, the 6-foot-8, raven-haired Adonis was vocally opposed to having male admirers, and seemed to have more in common with John Wayne than Joy Division.