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[–]Greykittymomma 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Are you gay or straight before you have sex the first time? I see the attraction as being beyond our control but of course many people live closet lives or pretend to be lesbians so acting on attraction is a choice.

Sexual acts require choices but the base attraction and drive is what we name with the terms homosexuality and heterosexuality. Just my understanding but I'm just one little bisexual lady.

[–]SexualityCritical[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

So, I'm getting, from what you're saying, that anyone can have sex, but not everyone can experience attraction? If you could place your finger on it, what, precisely, is attraction (in sexual terms)? Is it erections or female equivalent? Is it admiring art or erotic depicting a certain sex in a sexual context? Is it reading/watching erotica?

It seems to me, nobody defines sexual attraction the same way. It's a bit of a vague abstraction as a result.

[–]xandit 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

at its base it is a desire to mate, it is the sexual drive, but of course people have sex for pleasure too. It involves arousal.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It seems to me, nobody defines sexual attraction the same way. It's a bit of a vague abstraction as a result.

Concur. Leaving the paraphilias out of it, it is a subjective desire to have genital contact with another person. Physiological arousal usually is coincident.

anyone can have sex, but not everyone can experience attraction

It is possible to have sex with a person for an extrinsic reason, such as money, without an intrinsic compulsion to have sex with the person, for example; prostitution.

[–]Greykittymomma 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That is true friend. I will have to ponder that...