"Best behavior" will get you nowhere. They call you a bigot no matter what. How many people here have gotten called a bigot for simply asking questions? Who here didn't know what a "terf" was until they got called one? FFS, these are people who call people like RuPaul, Buck Angel or Dan Savage bigots. Dan Savage in particular has spent the better part of the last 20 years kowtowing to the trans community and trying to prove how "not transphobic" he is, for columns he wrote and apologized for decades ago. Where has that gotten him?

Conflating "the gc position" with bigotry isn't something they do because of the words we use, it's how they silence us. And if our response is to quiet down and follow their (arbitrary, ever changing) demands of language, all that's doing is giving in and crippling our movement.