I understand, and to me you've been an extremely important voice in the discussion.

I appreciate everyone's indulgence here, but I just had another screaming fight with SO.

He claims I do this every night. Well I am doing it every night, because since April 21, 2020, he has not had a job. He now feels that he has one with the fmil's "generous" offer of $25/hour for however long it takes. He says it's not going to take 12 hours. It'll take 11. And on top of this will be the things he feels he must do socially and during the day, which is blurring the lines further.

I said, you're not here for 18 hours a day, that will affect our relationship by the first of the year. (Actually, it already is.) It's not the 12, it's more the 18, which you're not being paid for, and which brings down the base rate to $16.50/hour with no real job and no insurance.

I said, we're supposed to be a team here, and you're not acting like it. If you are spending 18 hours there, you might as well be living there. Which is your choice. Look at just what happened today, you had to drive to the city to try to bring the undies and visit him, and apparently he didn't care enough to even put his eldest son on the list. Now our dinner is being cut short because it's 930 to 10 and he needs to take care of their totally optional animal, another hour.

That's your free eight today, right there. No, it doesn't help that you have your mom's card and that you bought your favorite food on it for today. He's like, this is super short-term, but there can't be deadlines. Until when exactly? Until she or DIL doesn't cry or throw a hissy?

The only thing i'm invested in here is him and us. Not their family of origin and specifically and actually not their optional tasks. Your rosebushes are encroaching on the sidewalk, well get your gardener that you already pay to do this. Their dog and their cat? They are optional animals. He does know that professional petsitters will take care of them for $30/day, but so far the ILs are just gifting them with money when they feel like--and even if that becomes more structured, that's still 18 hours out of our relationship.

i'm willing to be the bad guy in the situation, but I'm not willing to be relegated to a secondary component. If he actually wants to volunteer for their cat, their dog, their rosebushes, their friends or other optional tasks, i can't stop him. All those things interfere with the relationship that we're supposed to be cultivating.