Misogynistic culture belittles mother for standing up for her endangered daughter

submitted by Marigold-plate from self.GenderCritical

Why do we still need feminism? Today’s women are married to misogynists whose first reaction is to gaslight and belittle legitimate female safety concerns. I’ve included an AITA reddit screenshot where her husband rolled his eyes at her and called her a Karen. He said their 17 daughter deserved to suffer the consequences of walking 2.5 hours home in the cold and the dark in a crime area. Her crime? She was caught checking her cellphone in a toilet cubicle on her own time at school. The teacher had to violate her privacy to catch her using her phone. Furthermore, the school knew her mode of transportation was on her phone and they knew she wouldn’t be able to take the bus home without it. They didn’t even contact the parents. Mom had to call the police when the daughter didn’t show up home 1.5 hours after school ended. Dad didn’t care for daughter’s safety.

This is why feminism is needed, to teach women not to settle. Even though he “apologized” (mom had to confront him about his reaction later to receive that “apology”), the fact that his knee jerk reaction to his supposed equal life partner is to belittle her speaks volumes. Women are socialized to tolerate this dehumanizing behaviour instead of walking away and divorcing.

Edit: okay, the screenshot didn’t come through. Wait while I attach links to this text.

Edit 2: screenshots https://imgur.com/a/HAIAFTs

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[–]zephyranthes 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Why are schools spying on children in toilets and stealing their property in the first place?

[–]Marigold-plate[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Because schools are prisons instead of institutions that build children up to have a clear understanding of where their boundaries are. If it were me, I’d have taken the school board to the human rights court. Aside from that, my post is to highlight that the mom is fighting two battles: one with society and one at home where she is devalued by her supposed partner.

[–]Erised 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

AITA is full of stories of men disregarding and belittling the safety of women and girls, with a choir of men ready to sing “NTA! If anything, SHE’S the asshole for accusing you!”

These men never post to get perspective of any kind, all they’re looking for is encouragement.

One that will always stand out to me is of the one guy who posted about “AITA for giving a bath to my friend’s daughter a bath.” His daughter had a friend over (both were about 5 or 6 at the time) and they got dirty playing in the mud so he gave them both a bath, but he doesn’t tell the friend’s mom at all. So, the friend’s mom comes to pick her up to find her daughter in a completely different outfit and wet hair. Of course, she freaks out because this man undressed her daughter and didn’t even call her to ask if that was okay or not. And when she told him that this was not okay, he got defensive about that fact a mother would have boundaries with her child.

But of course the most upvoted comments were all about how SHE’s the asshole for even THINKING he could have molested her daughter, how if he were a woman it would be completely fine, and about how “serious an accusation that is” (which... if it’s THAT serious, maybe don’t put yourself into situations where people might assume you’re a pedo?).

People in the comments did bring up that what he did WAS inappropriate and would be no matter if he were a man or a woman, that you should always respect the boundaries a parent has for their child, and most importantly, how many young girls are molested by friends of the family and how it creates irreversible damage that girl has to carry around for life (and it’s very possible that the mom might’ve been molested as a kid)— but of course, he and hundreds of other Redditors downvoted these comments to oblivion and trivialized any concerns the mom had.

I could imagine if the tables were flipped, the mom HADN’T said anything, and she posted “My 5 yo daughter was over at her friend’s house and her friend’s father gave them a bath. I didn’t say anything to the dad. AITA?” You KNOW thousands of redditors would suddenly become “concerned” about her daughter’s wellbeing and call her a terrible mother for not doing enough to protect her daughter.

[–]redditbegay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Over the last two years, reddit has become primarily what the kids call A: 'Simpers" and B: Trans Apologists, anything that falls inbtween those things becomes silenced by the voting (and actively removed by the mods). And as the more extreme porn subs have gone up, a bit more misogyny has crept in to the more mainstream subs.

[–]MarkTwainiac 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

What country and jurisdiction did this occur in? Sounds like ample grounds for a lawsuit.

[–]Marigold-plate[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

The UK I believe. However, I grew up in Canada and my school broke many human rights laws. This is a Western problem. Culture has to shift to see children as people, not as property.

[–]copenseethe 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Do you think that children in non-Western countries are treated with more respect?

[–]Marigold-plate[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The topic is about Western schools because that’s my experience and I’ve had many people share their horrific tales from Western public schools to validate that it’s happening culturally and to spot commonalities to identify the source of the problem so that we can do something about it strategically. Just because I’m excluding other countries doesn’t mean I’m making indirect commentary on them or minimizing horrors that are going on there. The best place to start making change is locally, where you know how to navigate the fabric of society, know the laws, and make noise with your local government officials.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Huh? You started this thread without giving any indication where this situation occurred, then you made a sweeping statement pertaining to half the world, saying

This is a Western problem.

Then when someone asked you if you think kids in non-Western countries are treated with respect, you tried to shut down discussion of where this happened and whether this local issue really is universal by saying

The topic is about Western schools because that’s my experience

As though you are the boss of the thread, and all that matters is your own personal experience! Can you even see how arrogant that sounds?

BTW, if I can be permitted to say so, your own personal experience is not necessarily the experience of everyone in the Western world.

Back when I was I kid in the 1960s (when corporal punishment and draconian dress codes that prohibited female students from wearing trousers and colored underwear were still widespread in US schools), parents and kids fought the rules then in place and got them changed. And when my own kids were in school in the 1990s and 2000s, there's no way they or any of us parents would've seen this sort of abuse of basic rights and safeguarding as the norm - nor would we have considered it acceptable. We would've been in the school offices the next day, and on the horn to everyone on the school board and all the administrators of the school district.

[–]Cicerosolo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Lol no. Western schools are by far the nicest in the world. Trust me. Eastern European schools and Asian schools are brutal when compared, for example.

[–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I hope she divorces him

[–]chrysthefeminist 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, she's better than that. Way better.

[–]Daraincork 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Schoolteachers are in Ioco parentis.This would be automatic suspension for a teacher in Ireland i reckon.

[–]Fusrodamus 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This couple is headed for a divorce: Contempt is the number one predictor of divorce

Treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm and condescension are forms of contempt. So are hostile humor, name-calling, mimicking, and body language such as eye-rolling and sneering.

[–]redditbegay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

they knew she wouldn’t be able to take the bus home without it [the phone].

Why are you sending a child with a ticket home which is commonly stolen?

[–]Catbug 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most kids don’t get mugged and it’s harder to lose your phone than an inch square piece of paper. Everything is being automated and it’s most likely not the parents changing the ticket system. Duh.

[–]ShieldMaiden 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Divorce. Also, fire that teacher and anyone at the school who facilitates these kinds of situations.