Thank you for that response and I'm sorry I took so long to reply. I needed to let it sink down and process it. These issues with me, I might feel unsettled and need to think and talk about it, but then it becomes overwhelming and I need to tide down. I'm replying now.

First of all, I think that quote from Terry Pratchett is very true - if you ignore the rules people will quietly rewrite them so they don't apply to you. I can picture all the entitled rich and powerful people with all their lawyers. They don't need to follow the rules, they just need to have power. People in the parliament are all the time rewriting law just so they can have it apply to their illegal doings. Sometimes it's also true of less important things, though. But sometimes parents don't accept their children's differences. They keep bugging them. Keep pushing. I don't know. But other people who aren't so close, I guess. It's obvious that if someone comes to work and is rude to everyone, no one will attempt to ask him to organize the friday lunch. They will ask the people who abide by the rules, even if that people asks pretty please to not be themselves doing it.

Have I told you that I have a friend who works at a place who makes her wear a dress? What could I do if I were there? I would want to fight, but I wouldn't know where to start, specially if I had just joined it. What would you do? Where would one start? Before I even know my colleagues? It makes me think of Magdalen Bern's video about that youtuber (non-binary girl? transman? I'm not entirely sure) who made a video about how they made her wear a dress and she wore it for years until one day she wrote to HR to come out... and the rules were 'rewritten' to not apply to her, so all the women had to keep wearing a dress in the dresscode, except her. Magdalen was angry because she wanted her to fight for women's rights of wearing what they wanted and not have that absurd dress code. But what would one do? Someone like me? Do you have got advice?

I do shave off my body hair. I also have an undercut. When my leg hair is long i find it rubs uncomfortably on the cuffs of my boots and pants, and underarm hair can pull too sometimes if it's long enough. I feel more physically comfortable (not like I'm fitting in) when it's short, just like my head hair. I don't worry about hiding it, I shave less than once a week, but I do shave it if it gets long and irritates me. I tried using clippers but that was way more uncomfortable.

I don't like shaving my body hair. When I do it to my armpits and it is growing out it itches. I assume the same would happen to my legs. My skin isn't great either so there's that too. One time I felt like shaving to fit in - in a circumstance at work, a summer camp, I wanted to go in shorts like everyone else. I dreaded doing it though, I dreaded both shaving because my parents could see and comment, and I dreaded not shaving because I might have been seen totally different. I think that people will think things like:

• So brave

• So childish

• Such a weird person

• She has no idea what the world is

Or

• She's making a statement, what a freak

• She's not a real woman

And not thinking of me like peers. "Shaving" is the lack of statement; not shaving is the statement, the different thing, the thing that stands out.

Do you ever think any of these things about someone else? Do you see other women who like you don't shave? I never get my armpit hair like people in the ads and pictures, it always keeps a stubble, I don't know why. Has anyone ever noticed and commented on yours? Do you just not care? (if yours is short I mean)

Also, my hair also makes me uncomfortable. I used to cut it short but now just having a bun is good enough for me, it keeps it out of my neck. It'll just be hard when winter comes and can't wear beanies... more power to you with the undercut. I know a woman with a undercut - and I know people find it odd and even laugh and joke about it on her back - they accept that she doesn't abide by the rules, but they still can't help but judge and comment. This is what I'm afraid of, as well. I don't find her particularly flattering, but I know women who I do find flattering with short hair.

You need some sassy older women around you. I have an undercut and no one ever comments on it, but that might be because I kind of have an overall vibe of Woman Doing Exactly What She Wants. You're not wrong, they are. Get sassy about it. "It is short, and later it will grow, and then later I'll cut it again. It's hair, that's how it works." "Mmm, I don't think I'd marry a man who's that shallow." "I'm probably not getting married, my current plan is to be a lonely sea captain."

Oh, totally. Someone who wants you to please your imaginary husband has no reason at all. I tend to not answer anymore but sometimes I do.

I also don't know if I'm just imagining things though. How my grandma would always ask me to help cooking, clean, that sort of stuff, never my brother, or much less my father. My brother would always be eager to please and I would be eager to displease from an early age - I'd be eager to please in things my dad did, not things I perceived as being targeted to me for a sexist reason. And I do say that about hair - but I don't change minds with it. And that sucks.

I feel like you've been raised in a very strict christian household? Go to festivals, find older, rad women, and ask them for advice or mentoring straight up. We all remember being young and trying to find our feet, we'll help you. I'd be flattered as all heck if a young woman came up to me and said they wanted to learn how to be more like me.

I jumped to this part because I feel I have to address it first. Simply put, yes, christian household. But I wouldn't say strict. In fact, I feel like I've been raised in a very strict way. For example my brother played with barbies more than I did. I got the barbies from other people because my parents knew I didn't like them. But we were never judged from it. In fact the only times I played with barbies was when my brother played with me. I also have never felt like I was forbidden from going out, for example. I just never did. I wasn't forbidden from hanging out with my friends - but I always wanted to ask for advice and permission, because of my fear and shyness and insecurity. I was coddled a bit, and took the opportunity to go to school in a car instead of walking. I won't be forbidden from driving somewhere to be with friends. Although I have had my mom express concern and be like 'can't you drive her' (to my dad) or something. So that builds up insecurity - like the world is scary and I'm not capable - in just a subtle way. Does this make sense? And as a younger sibling, I also had that worry coming coming from my big brother, which adds up. Does that make sense?

Now, I never was asked by my mom to wear makeup or to shave my legs. She did ask me several times to shave my armpits though. But I appreciate that she didn't do it with the rest. And she gets sad when I cut my hair. I think she might think I do it partly to go against her, which isn't entirely untrue, either - I also partly do it from being fed up with expectations. There's no way I don't get a bit of a feeling of freedom and 'eff the patriarchy' (lol) when you cut you hair, at least if you have people in your life, or your hairdresser, pushing you back against doing it.

And I am iffy about sexuality issues and words. And periods and stuff. It's a lot taboo for me. I got to admit that. It's scary for me. But I don't think it's really my parent's fault or that they were strict. I really don't feel they were.

Who the hell told you you can't swim on your period? That's some nonsense right there. First, tampon and cups work great even in the water. Second, if you have a light flow you don't even need to use those. Swim away! I love festival too, and you should definitely go to them. You will manage the hygiene. Our genitals are not a bomb waiting to detonate, they don't need as much maintenance as you'd been told. Pads and a daily wet wipe (full body) will be plenty.

Lastly I want to reply to this... And I hear you, I really do. And I didn't unpack it, because I always need to hear this reaction to know if it's normal. I can't wear tampons. I just physically can't. I don't know the reason. And to be honest I'm really scared to go find out. I'm afraid of both the doctors, and of the appointment, and of the possible treatments. I've been in one of those specialists for a different reason.

And I kind of feel like my genitals are a bomb waiting to detonate, at times. I can't go a cycle without staining any and all pairs of underwear I use during it, I can't go two cycles (or one, even) without staining my sheets, or a pair of PJ pants. Even if I'm really careful and wake up during the night to change. This is what I mean about the festivals. If I'm going there to listen to music but ever 2 hours I need to go to the bathroom to change, losing 30 minutes in the queue and losing my place in the mob, separating all the time from my friends who are watching the concert - you know what I mean? Is that what I'm paying for - to be worried, and to miss half of the shows?

Sorry if this was TMI - this really wears me down but I'm always open to get some feedback.

I hope I made some sense and I wasn't annoying and again I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. As I said it was a bit tough and I had to think for a while and wind down before doing it.