Continued:

Yes, that absolutely makes sense. Adults can unknowingly project their own insecurities onto their kids. It sounds like you have really good parents who are trying, but they are also in a culture which expects certain things of them. Your mum asking you to shave your armpits is not because SHE wants you to be hairless but because she's in her own compromise between wanting to let you express yourself and wanting to meet other peoples expectations of a Good Mother who raised Good Kids. And even though your parents are pretty open about what's "for girls" and "for boys" am I right in thinking that their social group and community (especially church) is a bit more strict? That's going to trickle through no matter how much you and they try to stop it. As I got older I've learned that my parents dealt with a whole lot of crap, and passed maybe 1% of it on to me. My mother was raised in a christian household with pretty firm ideas about what it means to be a Good Woman, but she didn't put those expectations on me, though i did embarrass her with my 'tomboy' ways sometimes and that made me feel self conscious. She did the best she could with what she was given, and I'll do the same when i have kids. It sounds weird but there's a philosophy about intergenerational trauma and intergenerational healing. Our parents often pass their own traumas or problems on to us, and we pass it on to our kids too. It goes on until it gets to someone strong enough to stop the cycle. But it works backwards as well, when you heal yourself from your mother/grandmother/greatgrandmother's pain, it forgives and frees them. You don't see it yet but when you're a rad independent woman, living life how you want regardless of other people's expectations your mother is going to be so happy that you're free that it will free her too.

Period stuff is SO important! it's normal to be uncomfortable about it, it's Taboo even in the most mainstream progressive parts of society. But it's a part of you, an important part, that you're going to be dealing with for a long time so it's really important to get in tune with it. I hear good things about Our Bodies, Ourselves, and i also think you should look into fertility awareness, just because i think every young woman should learn about her own body.

It's totally normal to not be able to or comfortable using tampons, for a bunch of different reasons. I had problems with this when i was young because I had what's called a Septate Hymen which is where there's a band of tissue that bridges across the vagina and makes two smaller openings. The band itself has no sensation, but if it pulls it hurts. So removing tampons was really tricky and painful. I spent a lot of my teen years just feeling like a weirdo, and eventually learned what it was, and then got it removed a few years ago (painless, didn't even need a local anesthetic). It's just a thing that happens sometimes. There are lots of variations of this, including microperforate hymens where the hole is so small that period can get out but nothing can get in. Get a mirror and open up google, and you will be able to figure out for yourself if it's something like that. There's also a condition called vaginismus which is where your body reacts to the sensation by tensing and clamping down so its hard to insert anything. But tampons are also kind of tricky in general because they absorb your natural lubrication as you try to insert them and they always sort of turn off target for me, if you want to try using them start with ones with applicator tubes and a slim fit. See, this is why we've got to talk about this stuff! Most things have a very simple solution and literally half the population has already been through the struggles of tampons. BTW, i don't use them at all any more. I use cups and pads. I only ever used them if i was swimming or something on a heavy day. You can PM me if you want to talk more specifics about this in private.

I can't go a cycle without staining any and all pairs of underwear I use during it, I can't go two cycles (or one, even) without staining my sheets, or a pair of PJ pants.

Feel this. So hard. I call it 'making japanese flags' and it still happens to me. Usually your period will settle down a bit as you get older and providing you stay away from hormonal contraceptives (in my experience they make flow heavier) but it's also perfectly normal and healthy to have a heavy flow. Long term i think you'll want to figure out how to use cups as you get a longer time of use out of them and they leak less than any other method. They're tricky though, so you want to be on good terms with your vagina first. Hot tip - you don't need a bathroom to change a pad, your tent will do. You can even do it without taking your pants down in any private corner providing you're not wearing like skinny jeans or something. As for stain, cold water and Sard Wonder Soap. I don't know if it's sold where you are but it's bar soap for cleaning and it's miraculous. Rub it on, rub the cloth against itself, rinse, and you'll get rid of the stain. This is also handy if you ever commit a murder and need to get rid of the evidence. Happy to keep chatting, no time pressure xx