[Vent] Vent about myself

submitted by iloveyou from self.GenderCritical

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[–]iloveyou[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Thanks so much. There's so many replies I didn't know where to start. I am very happy to exchange this talk with you as well. I don't know how to explain fear outside of those aspects. Of course I also fear when I'm walking at night, alone or otherwise, or walking in a place I don't know well or if I'm particularly nervous. (Edit: I avoid doing things a lot with friends when it requires me to go somewhere at night. Unless someone I trust a lot is going with me and I'm assured we're going and coming back together I have cancelled my presence in many activities. This is another case of being afraid.)

Good ideas for the medical strategies, but... do you really do that? Last time I was in a medical setting and was mistreated (by a woman), who was condescending and rude and also disrespectful (humiliating me for my physical pain and worries, idk why), I was holding back my tears the whole time. I bursted in tears after I left. I had tears in the office as well but kept breathing in to not let them roll over my face. People can feel fear - like dogs - and when I'm being mistreated and humiliated, often I can't talk. I'm so afraid and I'm so in the verge of crying that if I spoke a word I'd be crying. When they don't take you seriously, crying makes people take you less seriously (not to mention not understand my words if I'm sobbing and trying to talk). Sure I'm not about to cry at all times, but thinking of being brave enough to confront them like that also puts me even more emotional.

You are right that I should practice strategies for it though.

I actually thought of getting classes for self defense too but I heard they aren't much good in the real world. I'm sure some women can defeat some men, but I'm small and weak and irl people might have a knife or a gun and you never know as well...

Thank you for calling me a smart cat :) see here's a place where that doesn't come off as condescending. I don't see myself calling men or women back some pet names, I don't see that fitting with me but I'll think about it... Because like they might not like that I do it and think I'm disrespectful. If you're just the new worker you don't have status to face people like that. Sometimes you just have to push through. I could always pretend I don't get boundaries, but who are we kidding. I am a terrible liar.

[–]jelliknight 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Good ideas for the medical strategies, but... do you really do that?

I'm learning to. I takes practice but it gets easier. Medical professionals are a service industry. They're there to do what you want and need. They forget that a lot, so you have to remind yourself. I've cried after medical appointments recently too. The medical industry has never taken women's pain or concerns seriously. It's not just you, it's not personal. They're like that to every woman. Practice the lines in your head until they're natural.

Self defense strategies do work. The right ones. Karate is a bit bullshit, but Krav Maga is pretty reliable. Anything that gives you confidence is worthwhile In reality, hitting back, screaming, or fighting at all makes you more trouble than you're worth to almost every attacker. I did a women's self defense class years ago which was very practical, i've tried it out on my husband and he's really strong and they absolutely do work. They teach you how to twist out of any grip, which spots to hit, how to get out if someone's on top of you or grabbing you etc.

You could have a knife or gun too, you could get licensed. Not saying that you should but if it's a real concern that's preventing you from living your life, you could. But Krav Maga teaches gun, knife, and blunt instrument defenses too.

[–]iloveyou[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm sorry that you have cried after medical appointments rcently. It's no easy to go to the doctor altoghether, much harder if the doctors are mean or don't listen to our concerns. I have once had to 'fight' with a doctor and the last thing I could do in that room would have been to ask her to write down and sign what she was doing, which was letting me go without referring me to a specialist. I try to fight for being taken care of. God, I hate doctors.

I will keep Krav Maga in mind. Not yet though. I don't want to hurt people, though. I don't want to be hurt, but I don't want to hurt others either. I don't feel comfortable with that. I hope that's my instinct if I have to defend myself one time (I guess I'd have to train to have that be my instinct) but it's just so scary. I won't carry any kind of gun though. You might think it's dumb - I think it is - that I avoid living my life because I'm just this coward. Maybe it really is and I just have to push through it. And if I get hurt robbed or worse... Gosh it's just... the world is scary. Everybody knows a man would rather target a woman than a man, that's elementary. It's just a cycle. Also, strangers don't care what happens to other strangers - no one does anything to help someone being publically assaulted. They don't want to get hurt either.

Twisting out of a grip is essential. That was something that would have helped me in the past. Ugh.

[–]jelliknight 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, we shouldn't have to fight and i hate the medical profession too. I don't have a good solution just know that you pain is shared among every woman and more than a few men.

I don't want to hurt people, though. I don't want to be hurt, but I don't want to hurt others either. I don't feel comfortable with that.

I think of it from the point of view of wanting to be able to defend others. If I see a man abducting a child or assaulting a woman, i want to feel able to intervene and not a helpless bystander. You don't have to carry a weapon i don't, it was just a suggestion. It's not dumb to recognize danger, but then you have to make a plan. FYI unlike other martial arts Krav Maga is non-competitive because I involves things like groin and eye strikes so if you went to learn it you wouldn't ever have to 'spar' against someone, not really, you just practice the motions and skills. But there are also purely defensive martial arts and skills you could learn.

[–]iloveyou[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are totally right on this part, it's good to be able to help someone if you have to, especially a child. I bet the way you think is different and you carry yourself differently if you think you can defend yourself or others if needed.